Nexus Redux

The last time I spoke of the Nexus, as I was about to get to the heart of the matter, I said that the thought belonged to another time. That time is now. I guess it's been on my mind since I've been doing a lot of sketching lately. When I'm really stoking the creative fire I always feel a great sense of appreciation. I'm grateful for a lot of things. For one, I'm glad I still have the use of my hands. I had the thought the other day... how remarkable it is that more people's limbs aren't disfigured or dismembered? I'm always paranoid about losing my hands or something happening to them. It's natural I suppose and having the thought always fills me with gratitude. I'm also thankful of the fact that I can do what I do and have it make me feel the way it does. I wonder if everyone has this thing. Some one thing that makes everything feel right. It's always there and I'm appreciative of that.

I've done it many times before so I know I can create in what is essentially a vacuum. Though vacuums, in this sense, is a relative concept. We're never quite removed from everything. This world to me is just one massive nexus, a confluence of influence. Everything seems to be moved by current. Everything is a reflection. The world's a sea, a storm, a vortex, a melting pot, etc. It's impossible not to be touched or influenced by something, it's just a reality of being. So I realize there's no true vacuum in which to work in. But it is possible to pare down your environment of distractions. I've been able to create within a private setting. Sometimes it's needed. Most of the time though, I find the need to be out there... in the wild. When it comes to creation I feel the need to be public more than I feel the need to be private. It's just a natural instinct. In this instance I liken the creative process to sex. I'm not making a distinction between sex in public to sex in private, rather, masturbation to sex. It's just more... well... y'know. ;) I need an audience, I need a partner, I need a muse, I need whatever it is that people provide me when I create in public.

I've mentioned before going out to Jamba Juice, The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and Starbucks. The one thing they have in common is the atmosphere of brewing, it's what they do. They all make drinks and there's something about that. It's never one specific thing... they're a whole host of concoctions at the ready upon your request. The place serves to create whatever it is you desire or crave at that exact moment. It's always changing and adapting. I'll go there sometimes with the idea of what I want and then see something, hear something or smell something that'll change everything. It's always brewing, always in flux. The nature of those places and places like it, I'm drawn to. If I were a drinker I suppose I'd like bars even better but I'm not, which is quite fortunate considering what shitty lighting I'd have to work with in those places. :P

I find too, that these places have the air of train stations and airports. They're hubs of activity. People are always coming and going. Sure people aren't arriving or leaving these places with quite the same poignancy but that's not to say that they can't be centers of emotion. That's the main reason I seek these places out. There's something in the air about a coffee shop, more than the scent of freshly ground beans. It's all beginnings. It always feels new and there's this sense that anything can happen given the right mix. I'm feeding off all of this energy when I place myself in the center of it. Business deals are being struck. Students are studying to ace that exam. Blind dates are meeting for the first time. Old friends are catching up. Young lovers are winding down the day. It goes on and on. There's always something happening and it's always different... the same, but different. The same stories are being played out with new characters. It's inspiring.

I've a mind for moments and memories but my mind's not a steel trap. I'd very much like to hold onto everything that comes my way but that's just not a reality. It's not necessarily important that I hold onto these moments but they seem very special. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to what my mind decides to harbor. Lacking that degree of control, I include all those people and those moments in my work. I sometimes look at my sketches as a written history. In every line, every stroke, there's a story. What the stories are I've lost, but having them here in some form comforts me. It all helps to strengthen this idea of influence and connection. I think of all this as a collaboration, one that I'm most grateful for. Everything and everyone is sparking off one another. I'm just fascinated by that idea... that sense of connection and spontaneity. I never know who I'm going to meet or what I'm going to see but I know it'll stoke the fire. It'll become something. All of this will come to some end, what it is I never know, but the fun comes in seeking it out. It does end... quite beautifully. There's always the excitement of imagining what it'll be or how it'll turn out... but like many of the best things it's never quite what you imagine.


DS333, sparking.