Last night this blog caught me off guard. I totally forgot about it. It wasn't until I was totally set to wind down for the day that it popped into my head. I've wondered before if that's ever happened without my noticing it. If it had, I wouldn't notice it afterward. I wonder if anyone else would notice. I've checked before, to make sure everything's accounted for... it was. I haven't checked recently. Maybe I should. But enough of my rambling.
I was sitting here thinking about what to write about. I couldn't think of anything. I mean, the ideas come and go all the time but they're especially elusive when I sit down in front of this monitor. I don't know why that is. Most days I have a clear idea or vision of what I want to say, something that just begs to be heard in some way, something I've been thinking about for a while. That's in equal part due to my wanting it to happen and it's will to be written. I guess the ideas sometimes feel insulted if I'm not carrying them with me for several days by the time I come here to sit down and write. It's understandable I suppose. If I were a thought I'd want nothing more than to be thought of. I guess I should make an effort to be more considerate and thoughtful in the future.
Though, it comes eventually. It always does. Literally, I had no idea how this post would write itself tonight... I was actually worried about it. I've been having a harder go of it lately (again, I don't know why), but I thought if I just sat here with the keyboard in my lap it would happen. And lo and behold it's happening.
Lately I've been thinking about the wondrous process of feeling things out, feeling everything out actually. I've said before how I've been drawing parallels to writing and drawing. Most of it is esoteric, but I think everyone can grasp the blank canvas. A canvas, a page, a music sheet, etc. It's all the same. It all starts with nothing and then it becomes something. But lately I've been fascinated at how these posts are most like conversations. The thing I love about conversations is never knowing how they're going to end up. That can be said for most everything, but I guess I've been lingering on conversations because of their reciprocal nature. That aspect of creation seems most apparent when I think of conversations. I've so many memories of so many conversations. I hold them close to my heart for many reasons... many reasons why I love to call them up from time to time. One of my favorite parts of conjuring them up is taking into consideration the full scope of their being. I think about the beginning, middle and end. The whole of them. What I like to call the long body. I've such a fun time holding the memory of one of my favorite conversations in my mind and considering how I was totally oblivious to their... what would I say?... their doing? their undoing? I've been unaware of where I would end up once I got things started. There's something special about that. Having nothing and then having something. Or having something and then having nothing. Like I said, their doing and undoing. My favorite memories aren't always good. And so too, my favorite conversations aren't always good ones. It's wondrous in a way considering the way something falls apart in front of your eyes. Seeing a conversation take a turn for the worst. Seeing something self-destruct. Having some part in that with another person. The back and forth. All of it, the good and the bad... I love thinking about how I got there and where I'll go next. I love not knowing what will come next...
DS333, inspired.
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