False Face

A little something about avatars tonight. I often wonder how many people are familiar with mine, the Sad Mac. I can't remember what my first dedicated avatar was but I know there was something before the Sad Mac because I specifically remember being on the hunt for something else. I remember coming upon the Sad Mac and it being a revelation. Of course! It just clicked; as the right things tend to do. But I wouldn't say I put as much thought into my avatar as I did my handle. I just... well, I always found the icon to be quite charming. It's quirky and cute... right up my alley. And I sort of have a history with... well... I'm very loving and caring with my machines, whatever they happen to be, but for whatever reason I have the worst (best?) track record with hardware and software failures. I don't believe they're ever really failings on the part of the system, I just happen to have a knack for making things fall apart. I don't get why that is. I'm so careful and conscientious when it comes to using and maintaining my machines... but it doesn't seem to make a difference, tragedy always strikes. :P So in that sense I have a real affinity for the concept of the Sad Mac.

The only downside to the Sad Mac is that it isn't mine. As much as I love it, I hate knowing that I didn't design it. I would love to fashion something on my own that I could fall just as madly in love with. Or at least design something that fits comfortably. I'm stuck on truly owning my avatar because I feel it's analogous to owning my own face in the physical world. The avatar is the closest thing we have to a body in the digital realm, so I'm obsessed with making something all my own. Something that speaks of me from my own voice. I've ideas of what that something may look like but I get the impression that I might only feel completely comfortable if I settle on something like my own face. But then I think that's kinda boring. Isn't the point of an avatar... or at least, isn't the fun in adopting an avatar choosing something that's slightly... I wouldn't say misleading, but maybe escapist? Something fanciful and as far removed from your physical character as possible? Something warped... a perversion of the physical? At least that's the way I feel. I'm obsessed with the abstract... and so maybe a simple picture of myself would be just that, too simple, too prosaic. In any case I know I'm looking on making a change, I just don't know what that change will be... I don't know what's gonna fit until I try it on.

I wonder what it would be like to constantly change my avatar... there's something mythic about doing so. I've only ever been comfortable sticking with something for a very long stretch of time, and actually find it quite disturbing, the frequency at which certain people change faces. Maybe disturbing is a bit strong, I just... I just can't see myself doing so, I'm not used to the idea. But I find the idea intriguing because it speaks of something very profound... this concept of taking on forms and casting them off... this reference to our Lunar Being. It's the death & rebirth thing... coming into form and fading out... and always underneath, always intact, who we truly are. I quite like that reference. I like the idea of paying little regard to the superficial... and playing with the idea of identity.

Anyway... I'm rambling (when is this not the case? :P ). I just wanted to get that out there 'cause I just wouldn't have felt right about coming to the end of things here and not having blathered on about avatars to some extent. That is all... over and out. ;)


DS333, casting off.