Explained, "DevotedSatellite333"

Early on in this blogging project I mentioned that I would explain my handle, DevotedSatellite333. I don't know why I've put it off this long. Maybe I was dreading the process. I just know I'm gonna have to wade through my personal brand of incoherence and try to pull out something halfway intelligible and that's always a bitch. :P But I've put it off long enough and a friend of mine recently inquired on the subject so this seems like the perfect time for illumination.

First off, let me just say that I don't think there will be any grand revelations here. But maybe that goes without saying. ;) I just thought I'd make that known from the outset since expectations seem to grow over time, and I've taken a long time to get around to this. It's out of sheer laziness that I haven't gotten around to this place, I'm not holding onto some universal mystery. :P Okay, so let me think. I would say there are at least four points of interest to cover when explaining my handle. But I'm only going to get around to three of them. Or rather, I know for sure I won't cover one. The numbers. 333. Trying to wrangle that idea in, what it means to me and my life is... I just wouldn't have the time. I might go mad. :P It makes sense in my mind, but I don't feel like agonizing over how to interpret that to others right now. Maybe I'll get around to it one day, maybe not. I'm thinking... probably not.

At its base, my handle is a lift from a favorite song of mine, Doughnut Song, by Tori Amos from her 1996 album, Boys For Pele. If you only knew one thing about me, it would be that I'm a huge admirer of Tori and her work. That album, Boys..., is the one that started it all for me. It was a very significant catalyst in my world and I hold it close to my heart for that very reason. Tori Amos and Joseph Campbell, I've said before are the high Goddess and God in my personal pantheon. Discovering them was like discovering old friends. And a lot of that had to do with having a perspective that I felt was all my own and that no one else could relate to, and so couldn't relate to me. Then one day, you find that there are people who think like you. People who've sorted through the things in your head and labeled them. There's just this connection. Anyway, with Doughnut Song there was something there that Tori hinted on but didn't elaborate upon. Of course, I'm speaking of the devoted satellite. Within the context of that song, it's almost meant as nothing but a pejorative. A reference to a weak lover. A substitute for something much greater. It's a construct of the lite and the submissive. Maybe even the abused? Whatever you want to call it, it's not a good thing. But that's not what I aligned with when I decided to take on the handle. I was in tune with what it hinted upon.

It wasn't until 1999, three years after Boys... that Tori elaborated upon the idea that struck me so when I first heard the term devoted satellite with her new album, To Venus And Back. The title of that album references a love story between two heavenly bodies, Venus and Earth. It plays on the idea that love, not gravity, is what is keeping things in motion. It's an old idea to be sure, but like the AT Field, it takes something old and fashions it in a modern language. The wonder of it all is that gravity, like love, isn't quantifiable. We can observe the effects of these things but we don't know what they are... where they come from... what they're made of. But the phenomena exist. And to me, there's just something so perfect about relating the two. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase bodies of attraction. And really, it's about shifting your perspective. We like to think we have all the answers, but we don't. Honestly, I don't know why we would all the time. Answers are often times boring. Or at least, I feel when people are loaded with them they're stripped of their imaginations. That aspect of human nature, the insatiable quest for knowledge and truth, has a dark strain running through it. If you fall into it, you become something other than human. It's a lifeless form of being. A loss of wonder. A dark self-assurance. A naive arrogance. People like that, are ultimately cut off from it. They don't get it. They're boxed in by their answers. So in the devoted satellite there is something of a running commentary between these two philosophies. I try to... well, not even try, I just am in between two places at once. The physical and the metaphysical. I'm as much a man of science as I am art because I don't see a difference between the two. It's the best way to be I think. To be open. Open to all these ideas and ways of thinking. Who's to say that love isn't holding the universe together? Or gravity? Or [anything]? Not me, and hopefully not you. We don't know. And the moment you think you know is the moment you've fallen off the track.

There's also something in the satellite itself. This idea of... disconnection? There's a lack of full engagement. The satellite merely orbits. There's no direct contact. The role is observational. It's there and it's presence is known and even felt, but only lightly. It's almost ghostlike. And I can relate quite strongly to those ideas. I'm not the most open person in the world. I like to keep to myself, but at the same time I do like to engage with others. So most of my relationships are often one-sided, at least the most casual ones. Though, not in a... well... I'd say it's mutually beneficial; symbiotic. I get what I want and they get what they want. Some people just don't care for anyone else, care to know anyone else, etc.... it's those people I can click with because I'm more than willing to listen, absorb and take in, but less so to share... but sharing isn't an issue with someone totally self-absorbed and ego-centric. So in the end it works out. This satellite is more of a receiver than anything else.

But as I've said, the satellite references so many things. There are things I would never do... though, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm cut off from them... that I'm not fascinated by them. There's an undying curiosity in here. So the satellite references this distance I maintain from worlds and scenes I would never be a part of. But the satellite orbits... is never too far not to observe. I know what I'm all about. This means there are places I would never go... only orbit. It can be dangerous out there, especially for someone who would have my... uhhh... interests and no governor. You need the governor, and thankfully I have one, because you never want to get too close. Or close at all. Sometimes it's healthy to create distance. It's just the safe thing to do... the most prudent. Otherwise you'll crash and burn.

In regards to the science of satellites, there's also this reference to pull and sway. It's something I know I need to change. I think it's important for everyone to learn... to truly internalize this idea that we are not in complete control. Though, that's not to say we don't have some degree of control. Some greater, some lesser. I'm of the latter set. My life is in thrall to the motion of the world. I'm stuck in the pull of its current. Victim of the sway of tides and the drag of inertia. Though, saying I'm a victim of something without when I know I'm a victim of something within is quite disingenuous. I'm the reason things are like this. I need to take control of my life. So for the moment, I'm just maintaining orbit... with the idea that eventually I'll be changing course. When that time comes, the satellite and its reference to this one specific idea will become a totem of warning, to never get caught again, to never fall victim to sway and inertia.

Lastly, there's the devotion. There's a lot I didn't touch upon. The astral most of all, the Transcendent. It's all tied to this idea of... something so much greater than love. Greater than words. Holding true to something. Commitment and loyalty. Devotion. It's an underlying theme to a lot of what's going on in this head of mine. It's something I'm a part of, in tune with... and yet, there's still much more to aspire to; A selflessness in the face of maintaining true to who I am. Being one side of the Three-Faced Structure. I don't know what it is exactly... or rather, how I could impart the feeling of what it is that's in my heart. In any medium I would be at a loss. It's just who I am.


DS333, explained.