For the uninitiated, NGE is a unique giant robot/mecha anime series laced with heavy religious and mythological overtones. I'm trying to be as concise as possible since this post isn't really about focusing on the series as a whole, my thoughts or criticisms, my admiration, etc. I just want to talk about the Absolute Terror Field, period. I find that whenever a thought decides to float in, I can't shake it until I pay it the due respect or attention. I'd been racking my brain trying to figure out what I wanted to blather on about tonight; I was hoping to find something incredibly short. But I couldn't think of anything, anything but the AT Field. I figure I have no choice in the matter. It wants to be thought, it wants to be known, it wants to be heard.
Okay, well within the world of NGE the AT Field, at it's most basic, is a shield. The protagonists of the series pilot these cybernetically augmented flesh-and-blood creatures known as Evangelions or Evas. The Evas are the Earth's great, main defense against the Angels. The Angels, unlike the Evas, take on several different forms. Sometimes they're light, energy, steel, flesh, etc. But the one thing that the Evas and the Angels have in common is the AT Field. These shields are rendered much like any force field would be, as a barrier of light. The AT Field is the strongest defense on Earth. It's near impenetrable. They can only be breached by specially designed heavy artillery or properly tuned inversions of the AT Field; an AT Field can be used to breach another. That's the gross, physical, literal interpretation of the AT Field.
The power of the Absolute Terror Field, for me, lies within its symbology. It's that which I've been consumed with the last few days. I don't know why. As I've said, I've been familiar with the series for quite some time so the thought isn't a new one... but it just decided to show up. Anyway, it's learned much later within the series, toward the end, that every creature on Earth possesses an Absolute Terror Field. It's that fear deep within our hearts, that fear that keeps us apart. It's that barrier that houses our ego. It's a reality of being within this field of space-time, to experience this separateness. And the beauty of the Absolute Terror Field is its physical rendition. Speaking to that point of modern mythology I brushed upon earlier, I think it's the greatest thing an artist can do to render a thought/feeling/concept in such a way that it speaks to our modern minds and our ancient souls at the same time.
While we don't have the technology to render the Absolute Terror Field in quite the same way it's rendered in the series, we do have the science of electromagnetism to work with. While it's not at all touched upon in the series I believe wholeheartedly that the creators intended the audience to make that leap within our minds: we're basically walking pillars of atoms. Atoms and electrons. Connected and disconnected. It's those electrons, that energy, that keeps us together and apart. The only reason my fingers aren't being absorbed into the keyboard I'm typing on now is this repulsion of electromagnetic fields at the atomic level between my fingers and these keys. That's a physical manifestation of the Absolute Terror Field. I can't see it, but I can feel it. I've felt it all my life, we all have.
You know that feeling when you're with a lover and... all you want to do is get closer? You're in the heat of it, and you feel that ache and that pain. You do all that you can to hold him closer and tighter and still there's no relief. Even sex can't get you there. You can't go deeper, you can't embrace more tightly. You want to be absorbed, consumed and subsumed. But it's a reality of being within these bodies that keeps up apart. I always imagine being light and wanting our colors to mix. But these bodies, this Absolute Terror Field keeps us apart. I imagine complicit trust is the cure for that angst, restlessness and frustration, but that experience is what I like to think of as the Light AT Field. It's the experience of being caged by our bodies and ego and lusting to break free.
The Dark AT Field is the experience of being sheltered and protected by our bodies and ego. It's all the same, just a shift in perspective. The image I conjure in direct opposition to the Entwined Lovers is the Lost Wo/Man Within A Crowd. It always surfaces to my mind when I'm out in the city and I see someone even mildly distressed or aloof in a large crowd. You detect this sadness. And it's there, you can see the fear. It keeps them lost and separated. And in those moments I'm always struck with the idea that we're all the same and so I'm struck more by the ridiculousness of that specific situation. We all want the same things. We want to be loved and protected and in turn love and protect those around us. At our cores we're the same. But it's the physical, the illusionary that keeps us separated. I never understand why it's so hard for someone to ask for help or turn to a fellow man in a moment of distress. There's this gap, this canyon, this disconnect. And I can understand it. It's all about pain and trust. But there are so few people willing to make the leap. I know what it means to be hurt by someone else, believe me. I'm a cynic and introvert through-and-through but the experience of being hurt has never made me lose faith in my fellow man; made me feel as though I don't want to open myself up to the experience of being open and close with someone again.
I see the AT Field whenever I see someone afraid to ask for directions, ask for help, ask a question, strike up a talk, ask for my number, cross the street, etc. There's this soul-shaking fear that's so simple and complex that makes monsters out of men. It's the most tragic thing on Earth... to see a physical manifestation of Absolute Terror everyday.
Anyway, to be able to create a symbol so strong that's so easily accessible in our minds and in our hearts is... I don't know what it is. It's my greatest aspiration. It's equal parts physics and metaphysics. Science and art. So I think of the Absolute Terror Field quite a lot, maybe not the exact idea, but the reference. This idea of shields and cages. It's really not quite the same as introversion and extroversion, which I think is what some people might infer. It goes deeper than that. It's not about... well yeah, it's not about that. It's about trust. And hope. And faith. There's also a lot to be said for freedom as well. I think this only surfaced because of my sickness. I've been viewing my body as a cage (as I often do). I'm light and this thing is bringing me down. I don't feel sick, but I am. I just hate this sickness and I hate this separateness.
The Second Child, Asuka Langley Soryu piloting Eva Unit 02 erects her AT Field against attack.DS333, alienated.
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