Memory... "The Romantic"

This is a vague memory. Though I don't feel that concrete details matter much in this instance, it's enough to have the impression of what was meant. It was during my first year of college, that much I'm sure of. I can't remember what class. I wanna say it was a philosophy course but I could be wrong. But as I've said, the details don't matter much.

I was busying myself with whatever it was I busied myself with before class began and I overheard this conversation among a group of friends I wasn't friendly with. I don't mean to say they were people I disliked, just people I didn't know all too well or cared to know. I don't know how the conversation steered toward where I caught up with it but they were going on about smiles. Now that I think about it, a magazine could've been involved and maybe they were judging smiles? In any case I was struck by something this guy said. This guy was a jock type, verging on the stereotypical variety without the arrogance and cruelty. If I had to cage him with one word it would be simple. He struck me as a simple sort. The type of person you wouldn't expect to knock you over with something profound. But he managed to do just that.

Whether it was from a magazine or someone plucked from their personal sphere, this guy was asked what he thought of this one girl's smile. And I didn't manage to commit his exact words to memory, but his response went something like: I don't think there's such a thing as a bad smile. As far as I can remember, that was it. He let it float out there and it struck me like a bolt of lightning. It was epiphanic, so it was remarkable to me how no one managed to pick up on it and drill him for a deeper meaning. Though explanations and expositions belong to another world than epiphanies. So maybe I was just struck by how no one seemed to have been affected in the same way I was. The conversation flowed along; business as usual.

It was his earnestness that got the better of me. It was that pure honesty that acted as the catalyst. Because I'm sure people say remarkable things all the time that don't carry the same energy and power if they had been said with conviction and faith. It's the difference between truth and lies. I hardly think it means much of anything if someone tells you they love you when you know it's a lie. All words have the potential to destroy and nurture but need truth to ignite them. So I may have heard the words before but they didn't channel the same current.

I was bowled over by this idea that someone could look beyond the physical body to the metaphysical body. That smiles are a reflection of an internal magic. That it would warm someone's heart to know that a fellow man or woman was happy. That that happiness could permeate all else and be seen by another, be appreciated and honored. That anyone could even be in a place to have that vision. Those words so perfectly pierced into the essence of compassion and love. I was forever changed in that moment. It humbled me, inspired me and touched me. I've never really been at the place where I could truly honor those words; that ideal. There are people who live now who's happiness is the bane of my existence. I'm mixed. I'm human, so I carry a dark within me that I can't let go of. I see certain people smile and want nothing more than to break their teeth in. I was humbled to know a better man, a bigger man. He inspired a change of perspective and reminded me to keep in tune with the hidden. To keep with the meaning of things... inflections, reflections, impressions, implications, etc. His mere being touched me. To know that someone like him was out there among us gave me hope. Too often I linger about in the dark and think the worst of people. I gravitate toward the evil of humanity and forget their goodness. I forget that people can be kind. I forget that people can be nice. People can be considerate and selfless. I forget a lot of what they can offer. I hope not to in the future. I hope to never forget this memory.


DS333, humbled.