It never ceases to amaze me the kind of people strangers keep as friends. It's a thought I've carried with me for a long time, as I'm sure everyone has. That's funny, I always manage to trip over a nugget that I feel will serve as a healthy seed for another post whenever I start writing these things free form. So I'll overlook that one over for now. ;) Anyway, that's a strange thing isn't it? I went out to dinner with the folks tonight. We went to a casual little haunt we've gone to ever since I was a wee lad. A burger joint essentially with aspirations for something greater. Family oriented I'd say. It's got that neighborly, communal charm. And toward the end of the meal our experience was disrupted by this loud, annoying, obnoxious, disrespectful, etc. douche bag. He was playing an arcade game with a friend of his and it was that that was most surprising. That's always surprising. Always amazing.
No matter how obnoxious, repulsive, annoying, uncivilized, disrespectful, crude, evil, etc. a person is, you can be sure he has a friend in someone... somewhere. There are people who probably even love these people. It's wild. I just don't get it. By any person's account he was loud. He was obnoxious. There's no getting around that. You would hate being around him. You would hate him. But he has friends. It doesn't make sense. Though, even Hitler had a wife. And while I'm sure he was surrounded by scared little sycophants feigning friendship, respectful of his power and put off by his spirit, there was someone somewhere in there who overlooked everything and found someone they could love. I don't understand it. And I'm amazed by the things I can't understand. Not because I can't understand them, but because I never will. It's outside my sphere. It's too alien. But as crazy as that phenomena is, there's something even more vexing.
I've witnessed it all my life. In elementary school, junior high, high school, college, etc. It's those people who know they're friends with assholes and endure it. They befriend these Hitler-lites for who knows what reason. They don't have the power, they're just reprehensible wretches. There's no obvious reason to associate with them even on the most minor level. But they still do and you can see it, the mystery. You can see it. Seeing it is what's so alarming and jarring. You see it in their eyes while these Hitler-lites abuse other people. They look on with glazed eyes. They know what they're witnessing is wrong. It's there. But they look past it or through it... and for what? Why? It's the most toxic form of denial, apathy and forgiveness.
Then again, I've been cruel. A long time ago I was a very bad boy and even then I had friends. I wasn't always cruel and I wasn't always bad. Even the very bad have to be kind once in a while. They're kind to their friends. They show another side of themselves. So is that what that is? That look. Stasis. Waiting for the worst of it to be over and hoping to experience the other side? They hold on, to these friendships and the hope. The hope that there's someone else in there. But what would that even mean? Does it mean more to experience compassion from the cruel than it does from the benevolent? Is it worth it to endure, to hope, to wait, and be apart of this evil. Support it. Hoping for change. What does it say of them to need that from that type of person? What's the damage? What's the malfunction? What's the reason?
Anyway, I've lost the thread a long time ago. I was talking about something different. What happened tonight was different. Ask any objective passerby and they'd agree with me. This guy was an asshole. The root of my disdain was his lack of respect for those around him. It was communal. It was peaceful. I've no tolerance for bulls in a china shop. If he was my kind of bull, it's even worse. 'Cause I've found a way to control myself. If I can do it, anyone can.
DS333, fuming.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
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