Entropy, You Whore

Disorder, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways. :P There are a myriad of people on this planet whom I'm sure wouldn't hesitate in saying that my life is in total disarray. A total mess. I wouldn't exactly argue with them... though I wouldn't exactly agree with them either. Like most things in this world, it's really a matter of perspective. Having said that, I'm still not all that happy with the way things stand now. I'm in definite need of change, but change will happen whether I want it to or not. So... I suppose I want to control the change. The rate of change. The type of change. There's a lot to fix... to change.

I imagine my bedroom being a perfect microcosm for my life. It's a mess! :P I mean it's really pretty bad (my room! :P). I've always been partial to a little untidiness over clinical, sterilized order. Chalk it up to the artist in me... the bohemian... the mad scientist. But, in the last few months, I think my room's gone from charmingly messy to plain ol' repulsive. :P Okay... maybe I'm being a tad too hyperbolic, that's just me, but it's in desperate need of some tender, loving care. Again, much like my life. I have a vision for both... of something greater. Nothing particularly grand or extravagant. But perfectly suited for me. It's possible... achievable. I just need to change... I need change. Change is the watchword for the next few months.

I feel that I've been horribly reactive in the last year or so. More so than would be normal or healthy for anyone. I need to be more proactive. Let's face it... I'm different, so I'll never not be easygoing and cavalier when it comes to living my life. But there's a difference between "going with the flow" and living a reckless and disordered life. While I should be open to change... I shouldn't be unaffected by it. I need to be Water... well... maybe not Water exactly. I'm likening myself to a piece of driftwood, and I need to be a competent sailor. Which I'm not at the moment... but I can see it, I can feel it.

So maybe I'm not really bemoaning chaos and disorder with this post, but a certain mode of thought. One that ultimately lends itself to chaos and disorder. It's just a symptom of a larger problem. So here's to shifting out of neutral, taking holding of the wheel and driving.

DS333, revving. ;)