Explained, "DevotedSatellite333"

Early on in this blogging project I mentioned that I would explain my handle, DevotedSatellite333. I don't know why I've put it off this long. Maybe I was dreading the process. I just know I'm gonna have to wade through my personal brand of incoherence and try to pull out something halfway intelligible and that's always a bitch. :P But I've put it off long enough and a friend of mine recently inquired on the subject so this seems like the perfect time for illumination.

First off, let me just say that I don't think there will be any grand revelations here. But maybe that goes without saying. ;) I just thought I'd make that known from the outset since expectations seem to grow over time, and I've taken a long time to get around to this. It's out of sheer laziness that I haven't gotten around to this place, I'm not holding onto some universal mystery. :P Okay, so let me think. I would say there are at least four points of interest to cover when explaining my handle. But I'm only going to get around to three of them. Or rather, I know for sure I won't cover one. The numbers. 333. Trying to wrangle that idea in, what it means to me and my life is... I just wouldn't have the time. I might go mad. :P It makes sense in my mind, but I don't feel like agonizing over how to interpret that to others right now. Maybe I'll get around to it one day, maybe not. I'm thinking... probably not.

At its base, my handle is a lift from a favorite song of mine, Doughnut Song, by Tori Amos from her 1996 album, Boys For Pele. If you only knew one thing about me, it would be that I'm a huge admirer of Tori and her work. That album, Boys..., is the one that started it all for me. It was a very significant catalyst in my world and I hold it close to my heart for that very reason. Tori Amos and Joseph Campbell, I've said before are the high Goddess and God in my personal pantheon. Discovering them was like discovering old friends. And a lot of that had to do with having a perspective that I felt was all my own and that no one else could relate to, and so couldn't relate to me. Then one day, you find that there are people who think like you. People who've sorted through the things in your head and labeled them. There's just this connection. Anyway, with Doughnut Song there was something there that Tori hinted on but didn't elaborate upon. Of course, I'm speaking of the devoted satellite. Within the context of that song, it's almost meant as nothing but a pejorative. A reference to a weak lover. A substitute for something much greater. It's a construct of the lite and the submissive. Maybe even the abused? Whatever you want to call it, it's not a good thing. But that's not what I aligned with when I decided to take on the handle. I was in tune with what it hinted upon.

It wasn't until 1999, three years after Boys... that Tori elaborated upon the idea that struck me so when I first heard the term devoted satellite with her new album, To Venus And Back. The title of that album references a love story between two heavenly bodies, Venus and Earth. It plays on the idea that love, not gravity, is what is keeping things in motion. It's an old idea to be sure, but like the AT Field, it takes something old and fashions it in a modern language. The wonder of it all is that gravity, like love, isn't quantifiable. We can observe the effects of these things but we don't know what they are... where they come from... what they're made of. But the phenomena exist. And to me, there's just something so perfect about relating the two. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase bodies of attraction. And really, it's about shifting your perspective. We like to think we have all the answers, but we don't. Honestly, I don't know why we would all the time. Answers are often times boring. Or at least, I feel when people are loaded with them they're stripped of their imaginations. That aspect of human nature, the insatiable quest for knowledge and truth, has a dark strain running through it. If you fall into it, you become something other than human. It's a lifeless form of being. A loss of wonder. A dark self-assurance. A naive arrogance. People like that, are ultimately cut off from it. They don't get it. They're boxed in by their answers. So in the devoted satellite there is something of a running commentary between these two philosophies. I try to... well, not even try, I just am in between two places at once. The physical and the metaphysical. I'm as much a man of science as I am art because I don't see a difference between the two. It's the best way to be I think. To be open. Open to all these ideas and ways of thinking. Who's to say that love isn't holding the universe together? Or gravity? Or [anything]? Not me, and hopefully not you. We don't know. And the moment you think you know is the moment you've fallen off the track.

There's also something in the satellite itself. This idea of... disconnection? There's a lack of full engagement. The satellite merely orbits. There's no direct contact. The role is observational. It's there and it's presence is known and even felt, but only lightly. It's almost ghostlike. And I can relate quite strongly to those ideas. I'm not the most open person in the world. I like to keep to myself, but at the same time I do like to engage with others. So most of my relationships are often one-sided, at least the most casual ones. Though, not in a... well... I'd say it's mutually beneficial; symbiotic. I get what I want and they get what they want. Some people just don't care for anyone else, care to know anyone else, etc.... it's those people I can click with because I'm more than willing to listen, absorb and take in, but less so to share... but sharing isn't an issue with someone totally self-absorbed and ego-centric. So in the end it works out. This satellite is more of a receiver than anything else.

But as I've said, the satellite references so many things. There are things I would never do... though, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm cut off from them... that I'm not fascinated by them. There's an undying curiosity in here. So the satellite references this distance I maintain from worlds and scenes I would never be a part of. But the satellite orbits... is never too far not to observe. I know what I'm all about. This means there are places I would never go... only orbit. It can be dangerous out there, especially for someone who would have my... uhhh... interests and no governor. You need the governor, and thankfully I have one, because you never want to get too close. Or close at all. Sometimes it's healthy to create distance. It's just the safe thing to do... the most prudent. Otherwise you'll crash and burn.

In regards to the science of satellites, there's also this reference to pull and sway. It's something I know I need to change. I think it's important for everyone to learn... to truly internalize this idea that we are not in complete control. Though, that's not to say we don't have some degree of control. Some greater, some lesser. I'm of the latter set. My life is in thrall to the motion of the world. I'm stuck in the pull of its current. Victim of the sway of tides and the drag of inertia. Though, saying I'm a victim of something without when I know I'm a victim of something within is quite disingenuous. I'm the reason things are like this. I need to take control of my life. So for the moment, I'm just maintaining orbit... with the idea that eventually I'll be changing course. When that time comes, the satellite and its reference to this one specific idea will become a totem of warning, to never get caught again, to never fall victim to sway and inertia.

Lastly, there's the devotion. There's a lot I didn't touch upon. The astral most of all, the Transcendent. It's all tied to this idea of... something so much greater than love. Greater than words. Holding true to something. Commitment and loyalty. Devotion. It's an underlying theme to a lot of what's going on in this head of mine. It's something I'm a part of, in tune with... and yet, there's still much more to aspire to; A selflessness in the face of maintaining true to who I am. Being one side of the Three-Faced Structure. I don't know what it is exactly... or rather, how I could impart the feeling of what it is that's in my heart. In any medium I would be at a loss. It's just who I am.


DS333, explained.

Explained, "A Rant"

It's that time of the month. Or that time of the week or day. Depends on when you catch me. But since I've been in a particularly bitchy mood lately, I thought I'd create a feature in which I could rant on about any little thing my bitter, twisted heart desired. :P Thus A Rant was born. I'm really not at all pissy very much, but every now and then I have a burning hatred, that if given physical form, would raze civilization. ;) Let's hope I don't make too many entries with this one. :P


DS333, brewing.

Explained, "TV Time"

This feature has been a long time coming. Actually, I'm surprised I've gone this long without it. And maybe I'm getting to it a bit late given that the current TV season is winding down and the next one won't be starting up for quite a while since we're in the middle of a WGA strike. Nonetheless, I've been craving a little corner of this blog to dedicate to my love and hatred for television. So I hereby claim this little corner as TV Time! :P ;)

We'll see how this goes. I might rant on about a TV show as a whole or maybe just an individual episode. I might even use this an a rundown of all the highlights and lowlights for the entire week. Who knows? Like I said, "We'll see how [it] goes." ;) At the very least I now have a proper soapbox to shout from. I've been dying to talk about TV. :D

DS333, pent-up.

Explained, "Lyrical Exegesis"

Fancy talk for song interpretation. ;) I wanted a forum in which I could go in depth with my own interpretation of my favorite songs. So now I have it. :D I don't exactly know how I'm going to go about tackling a song... or rather how I'm gonna tackle the posts themselves. I'm speaking specifically about the formatting. I don't know how I'm going to arrange the lyrics and where I'll insert my own dialogue and what not. This will defintely be a work in progress so bear with me yet again. :P I wish I could provide the songs themselves... but I don't like wearing the pirate hat. But wherever I can, I'll try to provide links to legal sources where you can sample the tunes to better engage each post. If nothing else, at least you'll have the lyrics and links to places where you can buy the tunes yourself. ;)

Anyway, that's about it. Pile on another new feature. :P I'm gonna try to rack my brain and come up with as many forums as I can for this blog. Since I'm coming 'round to the 122nd post, this blog is about to move outta it's infancy and into it's adolescence; I want to be done with all the structural stuff before that time comes around. :D

DS333, planning.

Explained, "Joey's Book"

Joey's Book is the final book in my three-part Books Of The Art project. If you haven't guessed or come across the info by now, you should know that I'm Joey. That's me and that's my name, nice to meet ya. ;)

Joey's Book (by the way, it feels kinda weird... and by "weird" I actually mean "douchey" to be referring to myself in the third person. :P Technically I'm not... I'm not referring to the book per se, but the title of said book. :P ) is also known as The Black Book. Like the other two books... my book's color has a direct superificial link, my book happens to be a full-size Moleskine sketch book... which is black. I have to say that I don't have any true loyalty to one type of book over any other... obviously. But I imagine I might stick to the Moleskine books in the future if only because of their interesting history with artisans of all kinds. That's immensely appealing. Maybe more appealing is the huge geek-cachet they carry within the geek/tech/web community. :P More than all of that though, I find the Moleskine books to be absolutely luxurious. But I've gone on about Moleskine before... so I'll spare you that rant. ;)

Funny enough, I recently watched Rob Zombie's remake of the classic Halloween and in it Dr. Loomis has this great little dialogue with the young Michael Myers about black's status, or lack thereof, as a color. It's a rant I've heard before (which I find somewhat annoying by the way. :P ;) ) and was actually one of the many reasons I decided to choose that color for my book. Although, the main reason I chose black is because it's so closely tied to the North. Traditionally, in a symbolic context, the North is representative of the dark... of dark energy. It's the Abyss... it's The Unconscious. It's a place of terror and personal discovery. A crossroads. The ultimate destination of The Hero.

This reference to the unconscious, however, was the main factor in my decision to choose black. The Jet North is a place of dream. I've actually mentioned The Black Book before on this blog, but by a third name... The Dream Journal.

There were so many reasons why this final book would be my own. A mixture of thoughtful design and divine serendipity. In some ways it was only by chance that my book would be the third in the series... but it wasn't by chance that I would link each book between myself and my brothers. What's interesting is how that linkage arranged itself. The first book, David's Book, is my oldest brother's book... who just so happens to be the first-born. The second book, Jerry's Book, was the second-born. And finally, I the third-born. The number three... and it's connection to me and my life is, in many ways, a profound one. Ways in which I don't know if I'll be able to fully explain, and if I could... if I should. It's curious though that it managed to appear in this fashion. That my book would be the third book. It has all the marking of the personal. Which is so apt. And why there is a reference to the Hero mythos in my decision to choose black. There's this reference to The Hero's Journey... and the left-hand path of the artist.

But more than anything, the book is tied to the idea of dream. Especially since my entire focus for the book is to document my dreams in visual form. David's Book is of fire, Jerry's of earth and mine of water. Water being another reference to dream... to the dream sea... the collective unconscious. Everything in my book is meant to be a mixture of philosophies from the previous books. At once, wild and tamed. Always in a state of flux... in between states. Not quite hot... not quite cool... not quite spontaneous and not quite planned. In my mind I imagine mist... steam. Water that's not quite itself... in transition... at it's most mutable. Smoke. Again tied to the idea of the dark... of the unconscious. I see smoke and images arising from the dark. I try to pin them down as they are... but I don't come close. My dreams come and go as they please... offering hints... and I do my best to hold onto them. I'm on the path of the beast... searching and hunting.

Another remarkable thing about my book is that I've decided to forgo my use of ink. More than that, I've decided to experiment with color. I don't know why... but it seemed appropriate. My drawings... the way they appear to me in my waking life, and the way I choose to render them... the rendering always falls short. I don't know that I've the talent... nor does there exist the medium to render them as I would like. My dreams are an even more elusive animal. There's no way I could... hold them the way I would like. So to help alleviate the situation... I thought I would use color as another point of reference, or elaboration. I try to imagine... an image being a word or phrase... and rendering them properly means being limited both by time and by vocabulary... but my decision to use color, is like adding voices to the choir. Maybe using color would help me to... get more out than is normally possible. But I don't know... it's an experiment. ;)

Anyway, that's my book... funny enough, I could still go more in depth about it... but I'm sure you've had your fill. ;) I haven't yet completed a single piece in The Black Book... which I suppose is due to a mixture of fear and a tiny bit of perfectionism rearing it's ugly little head. I haven't worked with color... so I'm worried about mucking things up; not expressing myself the way I would like. I want things to be perfect... and this uneasiness I'm feeling almost assures I'm going to fuck up, so I've just stalled. But I don't suppose that'll last long... I'll get to it quickly enough. This blog, oddly enough, I feel is helping that process along. I want to update this blog fairly regularly with pieces of my work... and if I'm coming close to having nothing to post, well that should light a fire under me to get things done. It's two sides of my OCD mind fighting against one another. :P I have a plan to post regularly which I won't let get interrupted... and I also don't want to create anything I'm horribly unhappy with... neither of these things are going to change, which just means I'm going to have to find a way to work more quickly and efficiently. I gotta operate in Hero mode... walk without fear. ;)

DS333, fearless.

Explained, "Jerry's Book"

Jerry's Book is the second book in my Books of The Art art project series. Just as the first book, David's Book, had a subtitle (The Blue Book), so too does Jerry's Book. It's also known as The Brown Book. Superficially it's so named because the cover of the Strathmore Drawing pad is brown. The first book was paired with my oldest brother... I mean to say, that specific type of sketch book was paired with my brother because it's the one I remember him using the most. Jerry though, my second oldest brother, had no real ties to one book or another. In fact, the Strathmore books were a second favorite of David's.

I gave Jerry The Brown Book because growing up it's the one color I associated him with. If only because it was a favorite of his, as far as clothing was concerned anyway. Everything about his complexion also brings the color to mind. His hair, his eyes, his skin... all brown.

Now as far as the direction for the book goes, it's very much tied to who Jerry is as a person. Jerry's Book is all concerned with rules, boundaries and mathematics. It's about defined spaces and ideas. Distinction. Discrimination. If David's Book is a counterpart to the fire principle, than Jerry's Book is of the earth. Of man. Of ego. It's not nature untamed, but controlled. It's order. It's higher thought. It's critical thinking. And it should be known that Jerry is a really sharp guy. Incredibly intelligent. Very skillful and technical. He's a mind of mathematics. He's ordered. He's very right-hand. And while Jerry never took art as seriously as David did, he still had a talent for it. But his technique, like the philosophy behind The Brown Book, was very much concerned with planned, controlled movements. It was always very technical and precise. David was impressionistic, and Jerry's realistic. I wanted to define the books as I have the people.

So every piece in Jerry's Book is planned out long ahead of time. I tend to use rulers and guides to create each symbol. I try my best to stay within the lines, within the social order of the book. Nothing about it should strike of eccentricity... or more, of the chaotic. Or in the language of social order, anarchistic. And while most of my work is already very precise and "perfect"... the pieces in The Brown Book have to be even more so. There should be no mistakes.

Now I should say that the language I've been using shouldn't be viewed as negative... or... not spiritually informed. Both books are two sides of the same coin. They personify the pair of opposites principle. Both are divine. Only clothed in different costumes. The artist or the eccentric (David) needs the community or society (Jerry) to define him, and in turn define them. There is no separating the two. They are eternally bound. And I feel, no better idea to cast upon my brothers. The are the Moon and the Sun, respectively. They are my Moon and my Sun. Heavenly bodies who forever inform my existence in this plane.

DS333, orbiting.

Explained, "David's Book"

If you've read my The Art posts, you're somewhat familiar with David's Book. For now, as far as my art projects are concerned, everything can pretty much be categorized into three distinct groups. Three books. As an homage to the great Clive Barker, I call these The Books of The Art. The original Books of The Art, of course, referring to his Quiddity Trilogy (The Great And Secret Show, Everville and ?). Anyway, the first book in my trilogy is David's Book, also known as The Blue Book.

You'd be unaware of who David is because I don't think I've talked about him on this blog. Although, I may have... I'm just too lazy to go and check right now. ;) David was my oldest brother. Was being the operative word. He died some years ago. Not too long ago, although it does feels like ages. During my high school years. Funny thing about his death... or maybe about my memory of his death... I have a steel-trapped mind when it comes to most details, but for whatever reason I can never retain the date, nor the year of his passing. It's very vague in my mind. I can never grasp it fully. I don't know why.

Anyway, I loved my brother, and I'd never... at the time, made an effort to formulate a project of some sort. Given that my brother was an amazing artist, and a great source of inspiration, I felt it only right to christen my first project under his name. Nothing I could create would ever do his work justice, but in some way I would hope he'd feel honored by the gesture.

David's Book is also known as The Blue Book because it seemed like a perfect idea to have a subtitle of some sort for the books, and seeing as how I'm obsessed with color theory and symbolism, The Blue Book seemed like a perfect option. Superficially, The Blue Book is a reference to the blue Mead 'Académie' Sketch Diaries that David loved to use most often. There were other mediums, but the memory of one specific book that's tied to him in my mind is that Mead book. In another context, the blue is supposed to represent a stillness of mind. In Navajo mythology the South is usually tied to the color blue, and the South is the point at which the setting and rising Sun are seen as equal. There's this idea of revelation... breaking through the illusion of the universal pair of opposites into transcendence. Given that my brother is no longer here, but everywhere... and no where... it seemed fitting.

As far as my direction for the project goes, David's Book is meant to be sketches and drawings created in a totally free-flowing manner. It should be symbolic of life, it should evoke spontaneity. Nothing about what it contains should be measured or quantified. I want to fall back as far as possible from using guides and rulers. Everything should be amorphous and emotional. Everything on those pages needs to be... mind. Just raw source. Raw thought. Raw emotion. Ungoverned and innocent. It should be unspoiled by critical or rational thought. I need to feel as much as a spectator as possible. I suppose that's because in some way, since it is David's book, I want to feel as though I'm channeling him. But he no longer exists as I knew him, or anyone for that matter, so he's apart of the... the unknown. He's apart of the source, the radiance... which is the place I tap into whenever I create. So I want to deliver as unfiltered an experience as possible so that in some way, I can render him, his memory and his energy on paper. I want to be a conduit. A link. My influence should be minimal. I kinda feel like I'm putting on my documentarian's hat whenever I work in David's Book.

Anyway, that's probably as far as I should go into David's Book. I feel that pretty much covers all bases. Well, save for the last two books... but I had already planned to make those separate posts all their own. ;)

DS333, blue.

The Dead Letter Room Explained

So here I am with my second post of the year. And I think I'm already finding it difficult to keep on schedule. :P Although, that discovery has nothing to do with my posting so late in the "day". I'm naturally a night owl, so more often than not I think I'll be making my posts late in the night/early in the morning. So while it's technically Saturday morning, I'm counting this post toward my Friday update. Also, in keeping with my Net Handle I'll try my best to get these posts out at 3:33am on the dot. But we'll see how that goes.

Tonight I thought I'd delve into the meaning or origin of my Blog Heading, Dead Letter Room. In fact, you'll find most of these early posts to be a kind of tour into the world of DS333. Expositions and such about all the things on this blog and in my life in general. Naturally, it seemed I'd tackle two obvious points of interest on this blog so far: it's heading and it's author (or at least the author's handle). So the Dead Letter Room is actually a reference to a prominent locale in the Books of The Art series written by Clive Barker. The Books of The Art (The Great And Secret Show and Everville) are by far, my two favorite fiction titles at the moment. I'd love to go into more detail about the series but that, I think, is worth its own post. The Dead Letter Room is essentially a room located within the Omaha Central Post Office in Omaha, Nebraska. On the surface, nothing too spectacular. Within the context of the story however, it represents a crossroads of sorts in America. An informational crossroads that in our modern day reckoning can be viewed as an allusion to the internet, the information superhighway.

It's that allusion that I find very intriguing, so much so that I thought it would make a great Blog Heading. That room, its reference and its symbolic meaning creates in my mind a great point of convergence of several ideas I find very interesting. For those who are unaware, "dead letters" are those letters that get lost in the shuffle of the US Postal Service. These letters, within the story, find themselves in the Dead Letter Room if they're mislabeled, or maybe improperly addressed, etc. They're circulated from one end of the coast, to the other until they find themselves in the Dead Letter Room. They're like whispers in the dark, shouts into the void or messages in bottles. The Dead Letter Room is essentially a nexus of lost information. The majority of that information isn't very important. Amid the flood of that information though, there are clues to a grand story not easily seen or heard. And it's that idea too, that I find interesting. I'm a huge consumer of media. It's what I love to do, immerse myself in any number of websites, articles, movies, music, etc. For the most part, casual consumption doesn't really bear any lasting rewards or insights. But I find the more media you do consume, you bring yourself closer to making connections in your life and in the world that you wouldn't have otherwise. There's this idea that the most trivial points of information aren't trivial at all, if they're allowed to gel with bits more substantive. Information at its most divine is a tapestry of support and structure. Each part of that complex is as important as any other because it helps to complete the whole. And yet I think we rarely appreciate the whole. It takes effort, time and patience to shift your focus, to gain a greater perspective.

Gee, I'm finding this blogging thing a bit hard. I don't have any real idea of where I want to go beforehand, or even while I'm in the thick of it. I don't think I'll be able to interpret the meaning of the Dead Letter Room right off the bat. But the great thing about this project is the amount of time I have to complete it. In time I think my point will come across. For now I'll just say that I would like for this blog to be like the "actual" Dead Letter Room. A gateway of sorts, to my world and yours. A gathering place for information; trivial and significant. For the most part it'll be nothing more than an outlet for all my little rants. I want it to be amorphous. They'll never be anything as formal as a mission statement because I wouldn't want to define or categorize anything that I create. I just want to throw out ideas and let them take shape as they will in the eyes of the readers.

I think I'll call it a day now. Hopefully tomorrow's post will prove to be a little more coherent. If not, you're not exactly forced to read any of this... so feel free to drop out any time. ;)