Lyrical Exegesis / "Professional Widow"

This is only my second true Lyrical Exegesis post and as I come down to the end of this blogging project I really wish I set aside more time and put more effort into writing more of them, there are so many songs out there that I want to share and spin from my perspective because I feel it's a great way to share my... well, just share... my experience. I might have one more of these posts in me before the end but I can't be sure...


Professional Widow
- Tori Amos (Boys For Pele)

...
Give me Peace
Love
And a hard cock



When I first envisioned the Lyrical Exegesis feature I thought I would dissect a song's lyrics and music in full, but now I see that's far too daunting a task. For a song like Professional Widow there's just too much to delve into lyrically; conceptually. Fortunately, it's also one of those songs you can sum up with a short excerpt... at least, there's one facet, one message I want to latch onto. The excerpt above is the final verse of the song and the one I want to focus on.

I love this lyric, this message. I have it posted here and there on certain online profiles of mine and it was actually a friend of mine on one of these sites that sparked this post. I felt the need to explain myself and my love for these words... this concept.

I wasn't raised a Christian. That whole sphere of Judeo-Christian philosophy that exists in the hearts and minds of many is foreign to me. It's alien but still a part (however, small) of my mind and heart by virtue of being the predominant philosophy in America. You can't live here, or anywhere, without being affected by it in some way... it sees and rules all. In it's view I'm a heathen, I come from a noble ancestry of heathens. Although I also wasn't raised Navajo, It was still there... but it wasn't a part of my life in the way that Christianity was a part of my church-going friends' lives. But I had enough of that world (Navajo culture), that philosophy (Navajo spirituality) around me that I absorbed it more than anything else. It was a philosophical/spiritual osmosis... what I managed to take away came in the form of an understanding of symbology and a mind for metaphor (that's probably fairly obvious to anyone who knows me well enough). It's because of that absorption that I've been able to... relate. Comparative mythology is more my bag than anything else... I love it. So I don't have a problem with religion per se. I don't even have a problem with Christianity. My problem is with indoctrination... well even that's not true... I have a problem with misinterpretation. The greatest tragedy as it pertains to religion/mythology is mistaking shadow for substance and poetry for prose. The concept of a literal mind interpreting a spiritual language is... well I won't even get into it here, I need to focus.

Tori Amos is one of my two favorite artists of all-time, of any medium. She was raised Christian, the daughter of a minister no less. So her work is very much focused on... damn I knew this would be hard. :P

I feel like I'm on the outside in a lot of ways. I feel I'm under attack. It's that force... it's not Christianity but it's the perversion of Christianity that I feel at war with. I respond to and crave any work that speaks to that tension... The Cannonade Against Christianity, The Blitzkrieg of Blasphemy, The Salvo of Sin. It's about being under attack and opting for an offensive stance rather than defensive. To hell with the best offense being a good defense, I think... I know that allowing something as caustic and toxic as this specific form of perversion to let fly and unchecked is what the enemy would prefer; they would prefer that we not respond in kind. And I don't mean to... advocate a violent or... all I'm speaking of is fostering and owning your anger and outrage rather than dismissing or burying it. You keep it in your heart, you don't let it die, you foster it so that if you ever find yourself in a situation when it's called upon you you can come from a place of strength and clarity.

Of the many crimes perpetrated by The Great Perversion, the one I find most foul and reprehensible is the notion that Nature is fallen and sinful. So much of that philosophy speaks of strength and spirit from without rather than within; It speaks of shame. Everything I know and was raised on speaks of the exact opposite. I've known people who are damaged by it. I've seen it... this disconnection between body and soul. That Nature, the body, sex and sexuality could become points of shame and disgrace... well, I just don't understand how people could buy into that bullshit. To view sex as anything other than a Holy Communion is... it's just so foreign to me. To have a divinity that excludes, degrades or minimizes sexuality is counterfeit. That the natural and the spiritual could exist in two separate spheres is insane to me; natural is spiritual; Nature is Divine. And I don't know where you would look in this day and age and hope to argue the point. You've generations crippled by this castration and infibulation of the mind; that whole sphere of dysfunction. You've barren lands and polluted waters, all a result of this Great Perversion. You see the shame, the impotence, the pollution, the schizophrenia, the excess, the filth, the entitlement, the extinction, the perversion... is that Divine, is that Holy? It all comes to bear from an ideology that views Nature as fallen. That religion is not my religion... that world is not the world I want.

Give me peace / Love / And a hard cock is about union. To speak as a fully realized person would mean uttering and internalizing those words. It's an equal balance... or maybe no balance because there's no discrimination. The heavenly and the divine is not... it's not just the white doves. All of these elements are dependent on one another. The Holy Trinity is mind, body and soul. But it's always the body that gets left out of the picture. The body takes a backseat. The body is devalued. But we need the body if we want to taste the bliss of being. The hard cock is merely a reference to that idea, it also exists as the wet pussy or exists as whatever you need it to exist as to fully embrace every part of your being (both physical and metaphysical) and honor yourself and others for exactly what we are, The Divine.


It's really something to see Tori Amos perform live, and never more so than when she performs a song like Professional Widow that expresses this dialogue on sexuality as divinity. It's really something to see a woman with a Christian upbringing totally embracing her sexuality and playing with your idea of propriety; she'll straddle and grind that piano bench, she'll spread her legs and claw her inner thighs, she'll growl, holler and moan, she'll caress her breasts and clench her crotch, and as you'll see in the final seconds of this performance she'll wrench and slurp her microphone as a phallic object. She's so... words don't do her justice. *swooning* ;) :D





Professional Widow (album lyrics)

slag pit
stag shit
honey bring it close to my lips
yes
don't blow those brains yet
we gotta be big boy
we gotta be big
starfucker just like my daddy
just like my daddy selling his baby
just like my daddy
gonna strike a deal make him feel like a congressman
it runs in the family

rest your shoulders peaches and cream
everywhere a judas as far as you can see
beautiful angel
calling "we got every re-run of muhammed ali"

prism perfect
honey bring it close to your lips
yes
what is termed a landslide of principle
proportion boy it better be big boy
starfucker just like my daddy
just like my daddy selling his baby
just like my daddy
gonna strike a deal make him feel
like a congressman
it runs in the family

mother mary
china white
brown may be sweeter
she will supply
mother mary
china white
brown may be sweeter
she will supply
she will supply
she will supply
she will supply

give me peace
love
and a hard cock


DS333, hard.

Lyrical Exegesis / A Night With Tori Amos

I've been meaning to blog about this for quite some time. But I've been waiting to house it in something a bit more formal, hence the Lyrical Exegesis tag. So this past Sunday (December 16th), my brother, sister and I attended the final show of Tori Amos' American Doll Posse World Tour at the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles. In short, it was everything I wanted it to be and more. It was phenomenal, incredible, astounding, stellar... I could go on and on. ;) I can't imagine I could encapsulate the totality of my personal experience in this post, so I won't even try. But I thought it would be good enough to share a few highlights.

Now, before I speak much about anything I guess I should lay down some ground work for the uninitiated. This tour was meant to promote Tori Amos' most recent album, 2007's American Doll Posse. That work was, more or less, born out of a seed that was sown back in 2001 with the release of Tori Amos' cover album, Strange Little Girls. In that album, Tori covered songs written by men which were then reinterpreted by female personae of her own conjuring. She followed up that album in 2002 with Scarlet's Walk. That work was largely inspired by the events of 9/11 and was meant to question the path America was on. The Scarlet persona, the observer, was born from the work who in turn documented the rise and fall of several female personae chronicled within the album. In the time since, save for 2005's The Beekeeper, Amos has only released various reworks of older material. It was only until this year that Tori picked up the thread she laid down with Scarlet's Walk.

American Doll Posse, at it's core is a call to arms against America's political Christian patriarchy. It's really an amalgamation of all the work she's accumulated in the past seven years. Before Strange Little Girls there was never a full realization of a personae system within Tori's work. That's not to say the archetypes were never there, because they were, but the audience was never privy to anything, or anyone rather, fully conceptualized. With American Doll Posse, however, the archetypes are front and center.

The American Doll Posse refers to a collective of five women that Tori has given form and voice to. The Dolls are modeled after goddesses from the Greek pantheon. Together they are the integrated form of the artist's personality, or at least, part of.

Each show of this tour was structured the same. Every night one Doll from the Posse would be visited upon the audience and perform 4-6 songs in her own unique voice. After which Tori would leave the stage for a costume change and return to finish up the show as herself with the band. Midway through the set the band would leave Tori to perform solo with her piano and then return to close out the rest of the show, along with two encore performances. Which Doll would perform was dependent on the city, the people and the mood/spirit of the evening.

What was especially exciting about the last few shows of the tour was the appearance of two Dolls on stage. Luckily, I was able to see exactly who I wanted to see perform that night. Given the overall thrust of the album, which was largely political, I had no doubt that the final show would be graced with Isabel, Tori's model of the hunter goddess, Artemis. And I was right. Now, I'm not one to set myself up for disappointment, so I didn't really expect to see another Doll that night. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a silent wish deep down in my heart of hearts to see Pip. Pip is Tori's model of the goddess of war, wisdom and strategy, Athena. If ever I imagined Pip having a hometown, I always figured it would be Los Angeles, so I had some hope that she would appear. And she did! :D I was so overwhelmed that night. It was so pitch perfect in every way.

What I love about this work, and Tori's work as a whole is the varying levels of depth that the audience can choose to explore. At it's most superficial, the album is an exhaustive alternative-pop effort. But for me, as usual, it's so much more. I was struck most by the enormity of what being at the show meant. It was witnessing severals years worth of endeavoring come to term. It was also taking part in something largely ritualistic. I came to the show with that in mind. I'd come, head bowed and mind open expecting to experience something mythical. Again, it was everything I wanted and so much more. It was a marvel to witness, and I was awestruck the entire time. It's really something to see an artist pull off something of that scale. The work exists aurally, as music; prosaically and poetically, in blogs, interviews and in its lyrical context; symbolically, in the physical forms the artist adopted. It was a perfect multimedia experience.

And I was so happy about the way in which is was experienced, with Isabel and Pip. That pairing was perfect. In the context of the political push Tori was hoping to promote, there were no two people better suited to end the tour; the thinker and the activist. Ritualistically, to call on the Twin Hero archetype to create a beginning at what was ostensibly the end was genius. I witnessed the magician and the marauder; the shaman and the warrior. It was so many things. It was the animus exposed, two parts of the masculine-feminine...

As I said when I got started, I would never be able to fully relay my experience of the evening so I think I'll call it a rest for now. It's enough to know that I was happily overwhelmed by the show. It was so rich and immersive, mythologically and symbolically so. Allusion was the watchword of the night and I was enjoying every moment of it; being able to make connections throughout her 19-year career. :D

And I never even got around to the actuality of the experience. Tori was on fire, the best I'd ever seen her. Her piano work was spot on and her voice never sounded more solid and crystalline. The venue was phenomenal. The set list was fantastic... Again, I could go on and on about all that as well. :P I guess you just had to be there. ;)


DS333, in awe.

p.s. Super Huge Universal Thanks to my brother and sister who made everything possible. I am forever in debt to their kindness and generosity. :D

Lyrical Exegesis / "Show Me Forgiveness"

Show Me Forgiveness
- Björk (Medúlla)


Show me forgiveness
For having lost faith
In myself
And let my own interior
Up to inferior forces
The shame is endless
But if soon
Start forgiveness
The girl might live


At the moment I thought it would be a good idea to delve into songs that are currently on the brain, rather than tried & true favorites of old. I want things to feel current here; in the moment. And I always have a few songs at any given moment floating around my head. Things I can't shake. Not that I would want to. But something is always with me, and I thought it would be interesting to share not just an interpretation of the songs themselves but also those things that are at my side and in my head. That thing that is responding to the songs.

One of the most interesting things about songs, to me, is there mutability. They can be used and or strike us in many different forms. Sometimes they're just catchy pieces of musical instrumentation that the body can't resist moving to. Sometimes they're an expression of political or social ideals. They can be mantras and prayers. Maybe even diatribes. They host an energy waiting to be focused by the artist and the viewer. Although we're not always privy to an artist's intention. But that's not at all important nor necessary. The song itself tells us where it wants to go, in direct response to where you want to go. While there's an element of mutability inherent in them, there is a form. There are limits to the way a song can be transmuted. The change is the most interesting thing to me. Because it's the change that informs me about myself.

Show Me Forgiveness has been acting as a meditation for me for quite some time. The song is performed by Björk and first appeared commericially on her experimental vocal album, Medúlla. It's unique in that it's the only true a capella piece on the record, which works beautifully within the context of the song. While I find Björk to be an incredibly strong and talented singer, her voice appears to be lacking in this song. It feels weak... and somewhat unclean. That is to say that there is an impurity lurking about the song. Also a vulnerabilty. There's an openess within the song that feels intimidating, and the vocal performance reflects this. Imagine performing at a recital attended by a throng of billions.

The performance lends itself to this idea of meditation. There's an inner dialogue happening here. A singular voice in the dark directed toward the self. And this is precisely how I've been using it lately. My birthday's coming up soon, and like most anniversaries I've been thinking of using it as a growing point. Zero point for change. But for change to be successful I think it's important to finish our old business. And I suppose there are things that I haven't been able to let go of... or these things haven't been able to let go of me. I once told a friend of mine long ago that I never had any regrets, nor would I ever. And he was always shocked by this, 'cause he had numerous regrets and couldn't imagine a way of life that was different from this reality. And while the statement might seem strong, strong enough to push to the point of incredulity, it was true. Sure, I wish some things didn't happen. Maybe things could've been different (they always could). But the wish, the desire was never burning. They were only ever passing thoughts. Presented with the same situations and knowing the outcome, would I change anything I had done? No. Never. I was steadfast in that regard.

Years have passed since I had that conversation, and things have changed; life happened. Do I have regrets now? Yes. Given the opportunity to play out parts of my life differently, would I? Yes. I've never known regret, but I know it now. And more than anything I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish things could be different. And there's an anger here... directed toward myself. For letting things happen the way they did. Because they didn't need to happen. And I knew not to... but I did anyway. I could hear the voice, but still I ignored it. And while nothing terrible happened, nothing so dire, I still regret it...

Show me forgiveness / For having lost faith / In myself First off I should say how interesting I think the context within which this conversation is taking place is. The idea here is that I didn't listen to myself; my inner voice; the unconscious voice; the true self. In doing so, I landed myself in this situation because I didn't listen. Now I come here asking for forgiveness. And it's sobering to consider the manner in which this is taking place. There are two elements at play here. The voice and the void; sound and silence. The conscious voice directed toward the unconscious void. Sound meeting silence. And when I had thought I had been humbled before, I feel it even more now because I'm unsure of there ever being a response. I (small I) didn't listen before, so why should I (big I) now? This image of sole voice and void I find the most enriching because it forces me into a state of humility. I feel as though I'm talking to a great and infinite wall. Searching for a sign, a crack... anything. Praying for forgiveness.

And why ask for forgiveness? What's at the root of this problem. Yes, I didn't listen, but so what? What does that mean? What does it mean to be here, humbled and on your knees? Why did you let this happen? Why did you betray yourself? Why was this acceptable? How could this happen? To lose faith in the world, and in others... but most of all in yourself is the greatest crime. There's the line. You were strong and steadfast in your beliefs. You were strong... once. This happened because you were weak...

And let my own interior / Up to inferior forces And that's not to say you shouldn't be weak, or weakness in wrong. There's a difference between weakness and vulnerability. Weakness is fine, if weakness means being open and vulnerble; trusting. Weakness is only ever wrong when it means short shrifting yourself. Being masochistic. Opening yourself not up to love, but deliberate pain and abuse. You've crossed the line. You've lost faith. You've lost your worth, or at least your lack of faith makes you believe you're worthless. And so things like this happen. You've let them in, the undeserving. But it's here at your weakest that you find your greatest strength. Here you are tested. Life has happened and experience has transmuted your knowledge to wisdom...

The shame is endless Never again will this happen. But the knowledge of knowing where you were and where you are now, what that meant, fills you with a great sadness, shame and much guilt. Made all the greater by the scope of the transgression. But it's important not to dwell. Not to lament. You were lost once, and you could just as easily be lost again... this time in your shame, and spiral into self hatred. Thus opening yourself up to those inferior forces. Shame here is humbling and constructive. It's not meant to be damning and destructive. It's a means to an end.

But if soon I love the reference of hesitation here: "if". Are you ready for forgiveness? Up to this point it's always been a question. Will you forever be in the position of asking for forgiveness?...

Start forgiveness Or will you take it? Start, begin forgiving. The attitude, posture and perspective have changed. The revelation has changed question to demand; hesitation to assertion.

The girl might live And now, just maybe, all will be forgiven.


DS333, assertive.

Explained, "Lyrical Exegesis"

Fancy talk for song interpretation. ;) I wanted a forum in which I could go in depth with my own interpretation of my favorite songs. So now I have it. :D I don't exactly know how I'm going to go about tackling a song... or rather how I'm gonna tackle the posts themselves. I'm speaking specifically about the formatting. I don't know how I'm going to arrange the lyrics and where I'll insert my own dialogue and what not. This will defintely be a work in progress so bear with me yet again. :P I wish I could provide the songs themselves... but I don't like wearing the pirate hat. But wherever I can, I'll try to provide links to legal sources where you can sample the tunes to better engage each post. If nothing else, at least you'll have the lyrics and links to places where you can buy the tunes yourself. ;)

Anyway, that's about it. Pile on another new feature. :P I'm gonna try to rack my brain and come up with as many forums as I can for this blog. Since I'm coming 'round to the 122nd post, this blog is about to move outta it's infancy and into it's adolescence; I want to be done with all the structural stuff before that time comes around. :D

DS333, planning.