Lyrical Exegesis / "Show Me Forgiveness"

Show Me Forgiveness
- Björk (Medúlla)


Show me forgiveness
For having lost faith
In myself
And let my own interior
Up to inferior forces
The shame is endless
But if soon
Start forgiveness
The girl might live


At the moment I thought it would be a good idea to delve into songs that are currently on the brain, rather than tried & true favorites of old. I want things to feel current here; in the moment. And I always have a few songs at any given moment floating around my head. Things I can't shake. Not that I would want to. But something is always with me, and I thought it would be interesting to share not just an interpretation of the songs themselves but also those things that are at my side and in my head. That thing that is responding to the songs.

One of the most interesting things about songs, to me, is there mutability. They can be used and or strike us in many different forms. Sometimes they're just catchy pieces of musical instrumentation that the body can't resist moving to. Sometimes they're an expression of political or social ideals. They can be mantras and prayers. Maybe even diatribes. They host an energy waiting to be focused by the artist and the viewer. Although we're not always privy to an artist's intention. But that's not at all important nor necessary. The song itself tells us where it wants to go, in direct response to where you want to go. While there's an element of mutability inherent in them, there is a form. There are limits to the way a song can be transmuted. The change is the most interesting thing to me. Because it's the change that informs me about myself.

Show Me Forgiveness has been acting as a meditation for me for quite some time. The song is performed by Björk and first appeared commericially on her experimental vocal album, Medúlla. It's unique in that it's the only true a capella piece on the record, which works beautifully within the context of the song. While I find Björk to be an incredibly strong and talented singer, her voice appears to be lacking in this song. It feels weak... and somewhat unclean. That is to say that there is an impurity lurking about the song. Also a vulnerabilty. There's an openess within the song that feels intimidating, and the vocal performance reflects this. Imagine performing at a recital attended by a throng of billions.

The performance lends itself to this idea of meditation. There's an inner dialogue happening here. A singular voice in the dark directed toward the self. And this is precisely how I've been using it lately. My birthday's coming up soon, and like most anniversaries I've been thinking of using it as a growing point. Zero point for change. But for change to be successful I think it's important to finish our old business. And I suppose there are things that I haven't been able to let go of... or these things haven't been able to let go of me. I once told a friend of mine long ago that I never had any regrets, nor would I ever. And he was always shocked by this, 'cause he had numerous regrets and couldn't imagine a way of life that was different from this reality. And while the statement might seem strong, strong enough to push to the point of incredulity, it was true. Sure, I wish some things didn't happen. Maybe things could've been different (they always could). But the wish, the desire was never burning. They were only ever passing thoughts. Presented with the same situations and knowing the outcome, would I change anything I had done? No. Never. I was steadfast in that regard.

Years have passed since I had that conversation, and things have changed; life happened. Do I have regrets now? Yes. Given the opportunity to play out parts of my life differently, would I? Yes. I've never known regret, but I know it now. And more than anything I wish I didn't feel this way. I wish things could be different. And there's an anger here... directed toward myself. For letting things happen the way they did. Because they didn't need to happen. And I knew not to... but I did anyway. I could hear the voice, but still I ignored it. And while nothing terrible happened, nothing so dire, I still regret it...

Show me forgiveness / For having lost faith / In myself First off I should say how interesting I think the context within which this conversation is taking place is. The idea here is that I didn't listen to myself; my inner voice; the unconscious voice; the true self. In doing so, I landed myself in this situation because I didn't listen. Now I come here asking for forgiveness. And it's sobering to consider the manner in which this is taking place. There are two elements at play here. The voice and the void; sound and silence. The conscious voice directed toward the unconscious void. Sound meeting silence. And when I had thought I had been humbled before, I feel it even more now because I'm unsure of there ever being a response. I (small I) didn't listen before, so why should I (big I) now? This image of sole voice and void I find the most enriching because it forces me into a state of humility. I feel as though I'm talking to a great and infinite wall. Searching for a sign, a crack... anything. Praying for forgiveness.

And why ask for forgiveness? What's at the root of this problem. Yes, I didn't listen, but so what? What does that mean? What does it mean to be here, humbled and on your knees? Why did you let this happen? Why did you betray yourself? Why was this acceptable? How could this happen? To lose faith in the world, and in others... but most of all in yourself is the greatest crime. There's the line. You were strong and steadfast in your beliefs. You were strong... once. This happened because you were weak...

And let my own interior / Up to inferior forces And that's not to say you shouldn't be weak, or weakness in wrong. There's a difference between weakness and vulnerability. Weakness is fine, if weakness means being open and vulnerble; trusting. Weakness is only ever wrong when it means short shrifting yourself. Being masochistic. Opening yourself not up to love, but deliberate pain and abuse. You've crossed the line. You've lost faith. You've lost your worth, or at least your lack of faith makes you believe you're worthless. And so things like this happen. You've let them in, the undeserving. But it's here at your weakest that you find your greatest strength. Here you are tested. Life has happened and experience has transmuted your knowledge to wisdom...

The shame is endless Never again will this happen. But the knowledge of knowing where you were and where you are now, what that meant, fills you with a great sadness, shame and much guilt. Made all the greater by the scope of the transgression. But it's important not to dwell. Not to lament. You were lost once, and you could just as easily be lost again... this time in your shame, and spiral into self hatred. Thus opening yourself up to those inferior forces. Shame here is humbling and constructive. It's not meant to be damning and destructive. It's a means to an end.

But if soon I love the reference of hesitation here: "if". Are you ready for forgiveness? Up to this point it's always been a question. Will you forever be in the position of asking for forgiveness?...

Start forgiveness Or will you take it? Start, begin forgiving. The attitude, posture and perspective have changed. The revelation has changed question to demand; hesitation to assertion.

The girl might live And now, just maybe, all will be forgiven.


DS333, assertive.