Dead Letter Room

The End Of The Beginning

2008-06-21T21:36:00.000-07:00

Do doo dooooo! That was my attempt at trumpeting. :P 365 blog posts baby!!! :D It's over, it's done, it's complete! :D I can't believe I did it. The past few days have been filled with paranoia, I was sure that meteorite was going to strike or that my Mac was going to spontaneously combust. I made it! :) I feel like... I don't know, feel like this is something special and only wish I could make it even more so with a juicy confession or scandalous sex tape. :P Seriously though, I'm sad that I've gotten to the end of this without having said some of the things I've wanted to say, but I guess there's always time for that...

I don't plan to stop blogging, I've made that much known in the past, I've too much of a fondness for it. I didn't expect to fall in love with it in the way that I have. I just wanted to output, that was my main focus. There was something about the year-long challenge that appealed to me. I've always admired artists who were committed to a grueling schedule that required them to... well... commit. It still astounds me to know that there are people out there who have the ability to create substantive articles, critiques, commentaries, etc. on a daily basis, and not for one but many years. I couldn't and still can't fathom it, but I wanted to taste it. I've tasted it. Now I want to carry that over into other areas. I want to stoke the creative fire elsewhere. I wonder what it would be like to focus on the things that I truly value...

Anyway, I'm gonna go dark for a while. I'm not sure what will happen to this particular blog. I quite fancy the idea of letting it stand as is forever and ever. I like the idea of letting it exist, just like this, and not changing a single thing. But who knows... I might come back here, I'm not sure. For now I'll let it collect dust. Although I did mention previously that I wanted to finish tagging everything, I still do, so I might. The content will stay intact... the rest may change, I don't know.

My new home will be an old home, my tumblelog at Tumblr, that I've recently renamed Dead Letters. It used to be an aggregator of my various online identities but I've stripped out all the feeds today to make way for all the new posts I plan to write in the coming days? weeks? months? I don't want to set any timetables. The one thing I hated about the Dead Letter Room was the pressure of getting something out by the end of the day even when I felt it wasn't ready. I hated having to rush something with the thought or fantasy that it could be that much greater, could really flourish, if given the right amount of time. That sentiment really hit home when I was rushing to get the Golden Field out. I liked where it went... but... I really get the sense that it could've... I'll just always wonder what it would've been like if we were both ready to make the jump. It could've been something else... and maybe that something else would've been horrendous, but at least it would've felt right, y'know? I just feel like things need to grow, mature and evolve at their own pace; these things take time. It feels so unnatural to force something into being; all the more so when you feel the resistance coming from within and from the piece, I hate that feeling. So Dead Letters will arrive when they will.

Okay... I guess that's it. Uhhh... wow, this feels so strange. I'd imagined this... this post and what I would say... things I could still say... but I think I've said all that needs to be said. This place may or may not be left to decay. In the meantime I will be elsewhere. Those were the main points. *sigh*

DS333, exeunt.

In The Mood For Love

2008-06-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

I want to talk about Wong Kar-Wai's 2000 art house film, In The Mood For Love. Actually, there are a lot of things that I want to talk about but I've waited far too long to get them out there and I've run out of time. Among the many things that I could talk about I thought why not talk about my favorite movie of all-time? I've been meaning to talk about the film for some time but never found the right place since I restricted Film Fetish posts to movies I'd just seen and I didn't feel right about adding more Features to the blog at the time. So if you've ever wanted to or think you might want to see In The Mood For Love it's probably a good idea to stop reading this post right now. ;)

Oh boy, what is there to say? I feel like there's so much. Mmmm... well I guess I could start off by saying that my first introduction to the world of Wong Kar-Wai was his 1994 film, Chungking Express, quite possibly my first true introduction to Asian art house cinema. I've been in love ever since. The thing I love about Kar-Wai's work is the impressionistic nature of it. Recalling a Kar-Wai film is like recalling a dream or long lost memory. It's a sensuous experience that's heavy on emotion. You take away colors, characters, sounds, images... and the details fall by the wayside. The films are like vignettes... a series of moments meant to evoke rather than explicate. I think the stories have less to do with what's happened, what's gone on, and more to do with what's been felt and wrought emotionally. It's all gut, all heart.

I want to... Why, exactly, would you say this is your all-time favorite film? I want to answer that question but I find it daunting because there are so many reasons. Operating on the level it does, emotionally, is a huge reason. Although I guess you could say that many films do, so I would also say that the way in which it operates is a huge factor. There's an abstract quality to the work, an ambiguity, that lends itself to personal interpretation and I'm all about interpretation. I love not having situations spelled out to me. I love subtext and subtlety. I love reading people. There's a special bond you create if you're allowed to personalize a work in this way, there's an intimacy to this sort of interpretation. I love that level of openness, it's quite characteristic of Asian cinema. I love being afforded the opportunity to make something all my own; I have that with this film.

To get into this any further I guess I should explain the plot of the film, well, plot is a funny word but you know what I mean... let me synopsize. The film is about two people, a man and a woman, husband to another, wife to another, who form a friendship after having discovered that their spouses are cheating on them with one another's spouse. Things start off innocently enough, merely a friendship and a vow not to become their cheating spouses, but as these things often go, one thing leads to another. I love stories like this, simple yet complex. And... well... I guess I could get into it now.

Not just my favorite films, but my favorite stories are cautionary tales, and that's what In The Mood For Love is for me. I think the greatest crime, the greatest tragedy is living an inauthentic life. Saying the same thing, I like to say that the greatest triumph is being true to yourself. Ultimately the friendship between Chow Mo-Wan and Su Li-Zhen grows into a deep, passionate romance... a romance that dies on the vine. It dies because it was never given the chance to grow. The eyes, ears, mouths and judgements of others is what keep the two apart. Society is the villain in this story. And my words could never do the film justice but it's just so tragic. It's depressing and sorrowful to imagine living a life that is not your own; living your life for others rather than yourself. It terrifies me contemplating having to trudge through life only half-alive because I was too scared to do what I knew deep down in my heart was the right thing to do. I couldn't imagine going through life knowing I turned my back on love, on happiness, because I was afraid... afraid of everything... afraid of losing control, what others would think, losing myself, the unknown, etc. This love affair, the tragedy of it, speaks of so many things in all of our lives. It's the sort of lesson I don't think you can hear enough of.

It's funny, whenever I watch In The Mood For Love I think of my parents, specifically my mother. I remember being young, a wee lad, and that first moment I got an inkling that my Mom lived a whole life before my own. I remember the shock of seeing pictures from her youth, people and places I'd never known or ever would. It was very... strange. Strange, the way that a revelation can totally warp your sense of perspective. Having someone exist as a one-dimensional being and then all of a sudden fracture into a beautiful whole is quite unnerving and yet exciting. I loved how that era communicated itself. It wasn't just because the photos were tinged and tattered, it was everything that was in them that gave you the sense that you were looking into... not just the past, but another time.

The great love affair dies and life goes on for Su Li-Zhen. Toward the end of the film we get a glimpse of what her life is now, or what it's not. You get to see how these things get lost. You see the way people bury memories, secrets and feelings. Their love didn't exist for anyone but themselves. No one ever had a clue as to what was going on, and if they did they never would've been able to appreciate the grandeur and beauty of it for the simple fact that they weren't a part of it; they weren't in it. It's that idea that calls to mind my parents. It's not just that the stories of their youth and that of the characters on screen coincide temporally, that's all superficial, it's this idea that there are untold stories, personal stories, from the past that are lost forever and belong only to them. I wonder of the things never said and of lives never lived. I wonder what of those things belong to my parents, the rest of my family, my friends and of myself. What stories will I make and take only for myself? What life will I lead? Who... just so many questions. So many questions and not enough answers... or at least, not enough time left for answering those questions...

DS333, tick-tock.

001.363.365

2008-06-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

The final Third post... I think I'm gonna cry. :(...
I think Summer has officially hit Southern California and I couldn't be more miserable about it. :P It was sooo fuckin' hot today and the kicker is that it's supposed to be even hotter tomorrow! Ugh. I wanna hibernate till Fall. :P
I've been a salted peanuts fiend today. I'm sucker for a batch of perfectly roasted salted peanuts. The sad thing is that I have an odd reaction to the salt, if I eat too many I start to feel a bit dizzy and all around fucked up. I think it might have to do with my blood sugar. In any case I'm planning on pigging out on some more later tonight. :P
Another GQ arrived in the mail today. *sigh* Will I ever catch up? By the way, I'm kinda tripping out on how and where sexuality is found acceptable. Some might say that Gisele Bündchen's July cover is a tad pornographic. Not me, but I thought... interesting. It's so gray in America. *sigh*
Now that things are coming to end I thought it would be a great time, in the next few days, to watch the final film in my Akira Kurosawa Retrospective, Madadayo. Bittersweet. :D :(
Hell's Kitchen is almost over. :(
Battlestar Galactica is on hiatus until Feb. '09!!! At least, that's what I think I heard. Ugh, such a long wait. But damn... that mid-season finale was fucking stellar! :D
My back's wet! This isn't natural! Curse you Summer! *pumps fist*
I can't get my wildflowers to live past a certain point in their development. I think it has to do with the way I've potted them. I learned from the first time around that direct sunlight is not the way to go... unless I'm looking for steamed veggies. :P Anyway... it's all a work in progress... I'll get it right eventually.
Gee... I don't want to post/end this, but I can't think of anything else to say. Oh well.
Okay.
Goodnight sailors. ;)

DS333, waving.

The Art - "Golden Field"

2008-06-19T04:43:00.000-07:00

Golden Field

approximately 8 1/4" x 5"; colored pencil on paper.

This is the first piece in my 100-part Joey's Book (AKA The Black Book) project.

Because The Black Book pieces are inspired by my dreams I'm a bit wary about going in-depth with my explanations here. I just have this idea of some psychoanalyst invading my head and ripping me apart. :P I'm sure I've loaded 'em up with enough ammo thanks to all my previous posts, so why compound my offense? My dreams are precious to me. I can deal with sharing them on this level... visually, because they pale in comparison to the actual memory. I feel that the memory is safe. Building on it with my words would endanger it and open me up in a way that I'm just not comfortable with. What I will say is that this wasn't a nightmare. This was one of those third-person perspective dreams, I viewed all the players from a great distance. And I remember not recognizing my form but knowing who I was, knowing it was me.

Anyway, I'm beat. I've been... this is very much a sketch, an experiment. I've been experimenting all day with this one. My thumb's sore, my back and neck ache and my eyes are failing me... I need sleep.

DS333, (-_-)zzZZZ

The Art - "Mountain Ring"

2008-06-17T23:38:00.000-07:00

Mountain Ring

approximately 7" x 9"; ink on paper.

This is the third piece in my 21-part Jerry's Book (AKA The Brown Book) project.

I began this piece around the same time I started this blogging project and now that this blog is coming to an end I really wanted to complete this piece in time, because y'know how much I love synchronicity. Thankfully I did finish in time, in fact this one is hot off the presses, I got it done only a couple of hours ago. Phew!

There are two deeply personal stories interwoven with this piece... or at least with it's inspiration. This is an abstract representation of a ring, my ring, which I call the Mountain Ring. As a hard and fast rule I don't wear jewelry, or at least I didn't. I don't know... just one of those things. You know how you have an image of something in your mind? Well the concept of men with jewelry was always warped in my mind. Certainly I've seen and known men who could pull off the look... but because something is right for others doesn't necessarily mean it's right for you. The idea just never sat well with me. But I wanted a ring. I needed a ring. And sometimes you don't know the why of these things. The language of the heart is not the same spoken by the mind, so I can't really peg what it was about a ring. It could've just as easily been a necklace, no? Or a bracelet? I don't know...

The search for a ring began with the two stories I mentioned earlier. Both take place at the same time but in different places. There's a timeline of events in this plane, The Physical, and another that takes place... I don't know where, The Spiritual? It was in that space that I found something very precious to me. I found it in a time of great loneliness and in deep darkness. It is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I've the image of it in my mind and the feeling in my heart. It exists. And I wanted to protect it, to save it, to hold it, to honor it, etc. And that's when another story began to unfold.

I remember the first time I saw the ring in it's jewel case. I remember how right it felt. That's it! That's the one! It was exactly what I'd been looking for, exactly what I wanted. I had rock & steel in my mind; mineral & metal. They became chrysocolla and silver. It was perfect. It fit in every sense of the word. What I found I meant for others to protect. These people were extensions of myself. But it's just my nature to project in this way... it had to be symbolized. I envisioned mountains. Not men, not women, just people; people who lived in these mountains. Great mountains and great people. People of metal and rock. A hardy people. They are strength and resiliency personified. It is they who I wanted to entrust this very precious thing. The mountains and the people became the ring.

The actual ring exists as three that form one at the base. Again, I just have to mention how well everything fits. The sketch is partly inspired by kundilini yoga, specifically its chakra system. The inner most ring represented is the Ring of Claws that represents survival. Survival as differentiated from living. The Ring of Claws is scavenging... it's holding on... it's getting by... it's clinging to life as opposed to living it. The second ring is the Ring of Fire. This place is of procreation and sexual gratification. This is the street corner. This is the whores & hustlers. This is a life ruled by loins and lust. The outermost ring, the third, is the Ring of Thorns. This is a life ruled by competition. This place is of aggression and violence. Together, the three rings represent the Animal life... the life and aims we share with the animal world, the most base form of living, a non-spiritual life.

The fourth ring, that of the heart, occupies the same space as that of the Mountain Range. The second part of my ring is a square-cut piece of chrysocolla set in a "ring" of silver that sits atop the "animal" rings. The "ring" of silver is bound to the square piece of chrysocolla and looks very much like a range of mountains. The jewel in turn looks like a vaulted blue-green sky. Inside this space is where my Mountain People live. I envision a whole world all their own, safe and impenetrable. In each of the four directions, to give life to this world, I've represented the four elements; Eastern Earth, Southern Fire, Western Wind and Northern Waters. At the heart of the range is a representation of the actual jewel, offset by 45 degrees to call to mind a diamond/precious mineral. It's there that the burial ground exists; the safest place in all the worlds. This space, this world of mountains exists exactly between the Lunar and Solar powers. From this place the powers are undifferentiated and in balance. This is the place of the heart. This is the realm of spiritual growth; compassion. This metaphysical state exists beyond the three physical ones. This is one aspect of the heart; strength. Strength is what I've chosen to take away from my stories.

DS333, cryptic.

001.360.365

2008-06-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

Post 360! Only five posts left!! How many more exclamation points can I use!!!??? :P It's almost over and now the paranoia has set in... I'm convinced there's a meteorite out there somewhere hurtling toward Earth with my name on it. :P
There are two sketches I absolutely need to get on this blog before the end. I've been spending the past few days working on them, or at least one of them. I'll have one day to complete the other. God I hope I make it. :P
I haven't been using the pen all that much... my thumb's so sore as a result of all this recent drawing. :(
The local Jamba Juice has been unusually hot in-store... what's up with that?
I'm dying for some Strawberry Cake... thankfully I can indulge myself tonight. :D
Been catching up with my podcasts, as usual. I love media. :D
Okay, I'm outta here kitties. ;)

DS333, recouping.

Symbology

2008-06-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

I went to church earlier today. I only "attend" (no service for me) twice a year, once for Mother's Day and once for Father's Day. I bring this up because I have a problem with relegating my "worship" (this is worthy of its own post) to a singular space that's removed and separate from my normal life. It's odd to me that... well maybe it's best that I don't get into anything too... negative. Life, all around, is constantly reminding us of the power and beauty of the transcendental. What it is that some people seek in a church I find in the everyday flow of life. It's in a conversation. It's in a moment of tragedy or weakness. It's a smile and a laugh... it's all the things, both big and small, that fill us with love, shock, humility, gratitude, awe, fear and most of all joy; joy in the wondrous reality of being. The idea of having to go somewhere to find that... or honor that... that, which is here with me, within me is so obtuse. I can't wrap my head around it.

But that's not what I wanted to get into... not specifically anyway. Speaking to the point of having it all around and within, I think it's important, no, vital to create a... a personal symbology that tightly interweaves into our everyday lives and constantly reminds us of those things we wish to stay connected with. Though, this business of symbols and The Referential is quite at odds with what I've just spoken about. It might sound as though that I'm suggesting adopting a... it's not about books or clothes or language. It's about mirroring what's within without. So I don't mean to suggest that advocating a system or structure of superficialities will bring you closer to the divine; it's quite the opposite. My symbology is about projection. I hate the idea of absorption or osmosis as a means of connection. What I really mean to say is that you won't ever find it out there until you find it within. The revelation doesn't come because you will it... or because you speak the words. The mirroring I spoke of earlier is of an internal light, a profound personal wisdom gained through experience. The symbols come into play by drawing on the power of those feelings, thoughts and ideas we hold most dear. We inject power and significance into them... without us they are meaningless, and yet they also inform. I use them all the time. Reflections... reflections of what is, reflections of what I need and reflections of what I want. There's a strength to be found in your own reflection.

As always I'm sure I've come across quite vague, if not, certainly convoluted. :P What are these reflections? They come in many forms. For me it's in the clothes, in the food, in color, in shape, in arrangement and constellation, in form, in behavior, in speech... everything is singing my song, everything is telling my story. I suppose it's ultimately about meaning... a constellation of allusion to your personal wisdom; arrangements that refer to a meaningful life. I wish I got into this sooner because there's so much to say and now so little time to do so. Fortunately I got this in before the end, and quite apt that I did so on this day of all days... the last thing I want is people telling me that what I need in my life is meaning, their meaning; all my life is is meaning... I wouldn't know how to a live a life without it.

DS333, calculated.

False Face

2008-06-14T21:26:00.000-07:00

A little something about avatars tonight. I often wonder how many people are familiar with mine, the Sad Mac. I can't remember what my first dedicated avatar was but I know there was something before the Sad Mac because I specifically remember being on the hunt for something else. I remember coming upon the Sad Mac and it being a revelation. Of course! It just clicked; as the right things tend to do. But I wouldn't say I put as much thought into my avatar as I did my handle. I just... well, I always found the icon to be quite charming. It's quirky and cute... right up my alley. And I sort of have a history with... well... I'm very loving and caring with my machines, whatever they happen to be, but for whatever reason I have the worst (best?) track record with hardware and software failures. I don't believe they're ever really failings on the part of the system, I just happen to have a knack for making things fall apart. I don't get why that is. I'm so careful and conscientious when it comes to using and maintaining my machines... but it doesn't seem to make a difference, tragedy always strikes. :P So in that sense I have a real affinity for the concept of the Sad Mac.

The only downside to the Sad Mac is that it isn't mine. As much as I love it, I hate knowing that I didn't design it. I would love to fashion something on my own that I could fall just as madly in love with. Or at least design something that fits comfortably. I'm stuck on truly owning my avatar because I feel it's analogous to owning my own face in the physical world. The avatar is the closest thing we have to a body in the digital realm, so I'm obsessed with making something all my own. Something that speaks of me from my own voice. I've ideas of what that something may look like but I get the impression that I might only feel completely comfortable if I settle on something like my own face. But then I think that's kinda boring. Isn't the point of an avatar... or at least, isn't the fun in adopting an avatar choosing something that's slightly... I wouldn't say misleading, but maybe escapist? Something fanciful and as far removed from your physical character as possible? Something warped... a perversion of the physical? At least that's the way I feel. I'm obsessed with the abstract... and so maybe a simple picture of myself would be just that, too simple, too prosaic. In any case I know I'm looking on making a change, I just don't know what that change will be... I don't know what's gonna fit until I try it on.

I wonder what it would be like to constantly change my avatar... there's something mythic about doing so. I've only ever been comfortable sticking with something for a very long stretch of time, and actually find it quite disturbing, the frequency at which certain people change faces. Maybe disturbing is a bit strong, I just... I just can't see myself doing so, I'm not used to the idea. But I find the idea intriguing because it speaks of something very profound... this concept of taking on forms and casting them off... this reference to our Lunar Being. It's the death & rebirth thing... coming into form and fading out... and always underneath, always intact, who we truly are. I quite like that reference. I like the idea of paying little regard to the superficial... and playing with the idea of identity.

Anyway... I'm rambling (when is this not the case? :P ). I just wanted to get that out there 'cause I just wouldn't have felt right about coming to the end of things here and not having blathered on about avatars to some extent. That is all... over and out. ;)

DS333, casting off.

001.357.365

2008-06-14T00:55:00.000-07:00

Took the Metro today. I know people hate it but I just looove it. So many interesting people and stories unraveling out there.
Was in Beverly Hills for a short time. Love seeing tourists snapping photos on Rodeo Drive.
Caught up with my brother at Westfield Shopping Center, god I love that place.
Had some Panda Express.
Can I just say again how much I love free WiFi? I can't wait for a time, a future, in which true ubiquitous WiFi is a reality.
Went to the FOX Studios lot to catch a free screening of M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening! :D
It's amazing how difficult it is to find a Starbucks that's open when you really need one.
Time to wind down I guess. I'm sorta talked out...
See ya later you Weird Fishes. ;)

DS333, fading.

Memory... "Cerberus x2"

2008-06-12T19:03:00.000-07:00

I used to have an irrational fear of dogs. When I was young, a wee lad, I had a very vivid dream in which I was walking hand-in-hand with my mother in our old neighborhood. In the dream, we walked passed a familiar facility. Even now, I don't know what the place was exactly but it reminds me of a junkyard. And like any good junkyard it was guarded by dogs. They were vicious creatures. Thankfully they were fenced in. Whenever anyone walked passed this place they went into an uproar. Because the gate was made corrugated sheets of steel it was hard to tell just how many dogs there were. All you could make out were their clawing paws and snapping snouts. That's what I remember most about my dream. I remember having to walk across the street to avoid the clamor of these canines, but even then I was afraid. But in my dream my mother and I didn't. I don't remember anything about my mom other than I knew it was her. I can't remember how she looked, she never spoke... there was nothing but her hand and I couldn't let go or maybe she wouldn't let me. She kept moving forward and I along with her. We were walking along the fence of this "junkyard" and the dogs came. But this time it was different. There seemed to be hundreds of dogs. All of them looking to get their teeth into me. I just remember the number and the noise. It was louder than usual and there was so much dust. I felt like I was being thrown to the wolves. Ever since then I feared them...

It wasn't until some years later that I lost the fear. Or at least I lost the irrational aspect of my fear. Now I fear dogs in the same way that I fear cars or people or stairs or physics, etc. :P It's more about paranoia than anything else. My older brother helped me with this. We were vacationing in Arizona, which is notorious for the amount of stray dogs running about, and for whatever reason we had to walk from one Aunt's home to the other. The Aunt we were staying with at the time lived in a community with very many guard dogs. I mean, they were obviously pets but... well I won't get into it. This was some years back so the fear of being sued by someone who had been attacked by an unleashed dog meant dogs were running wild and unchecked all the time. On our walk we had become surrounded. At the time, it was my worst nightmare. A ring of dogs, fangs bared and all of them barking and encroaching ever closer. I just remember clutching my brother, using him as a shield... him protecting me. And I remember his strength. He was afraid, but not terrified. And he said something to me that day that I've never let go of... that I've always treasured. It was a realization that what would be, would be. There's no sense in fearing something you don't know. There's no sense in fearing or fretting something you can't change as well. It's almost a meditation on surrender. It's actually a lot of things... mostly it's about conquering fear, or at least getting there. I still feel fear but it's not unchecked, it doesn't run wild in my heart in the same way that it used to. I can reign in it when I know I need to get through something or someone. The memory of that shift... I'll never forget.

DS333, in check.

Film Fetish: "Sex And The City: The Movie"

2008-06-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

Sex And The City (2008)
- directed by Michael Patrick King

Following up on the success of HBO's hit cable series, Sex And The City picks up not far from where the show last left the four main characters.

Wow, wow, wow... I loved this movie! :D I only just got around to watching it so I'm a bit late to the party. During the time spent waiting to watch the movie I'd been hearing quite a lot of positive buzz about the film but that still didn't prepare me for the amount of fun I had. It felt like... the good ol' days. ;) I've been a longtime fan of the series and have seen ever single episode so I think it says a lot that I was more than satisfied with the outcome. My biggest worry was that the studio/production team would make a shitty film and bastardize the franchise all for the sake of making a quick buck, thankfully that wasn't the case. It felt like nothing had changed, in a good way, like I said it felt like the good ol' days. I think the film walked a fine line between feeling like an overextended t.v. show and a proper film, it was a perfect blend of the two. It felt like the show, but never did it feel bloated or exhausting. And as a film I think it did a great job of being open enough for an entirely new audience, I got the impression that you could pick up the story without ever having watched the original series. I can find no faults with this film. That said, I doubt it'll change your life... it's not a groundbreaking film, it just happens to be a whole lot of fun. But what's wrong with that? We all need to laugh once in a while. ;)

9/10 Yeah that's right, a 9. I could watch this movie over and over and over again. :P An absolute must for any fan of the series. And straight guys, no need to fear, this film isn't just for chicks and fags. :P ;) I can't imagine anyone not liking this film on some level.

DS333, pleased as punch.

001.354.365

2008-06-10T20:39:00.001-07:00

Finally got to see Sex And The City: The Movie with my cousin last night.
It's not until I spend some time with someone who's not totally immersed in tech culture that I realize how obsessed I really am. Maybe I should cool off? Hmmm... ... ... ... Nah! :P
Apple posted their WWDC '08 keynote as a downloadable podcast... it's a doozy, well over a gigabyte! Haven't watched it but boy am I looking forward to it. :D I gotta make the mood just right... I've a raspberry white chocolate mocha chillin' in the fridge that'll be perfect for the occasion, thank the maker. ;)
I haven't really made an effort to watch the final two Akira Kurosawa films. I think... I don't want it to end, which is so weird... I love endings, but I guess... sometimes I don't.
I do think I will get to Rhapsody In August tonight. :D
Excited about the news/rumor that Nintendo might release a revised version of the Nintendo DS that'll forgo the ability to play Game Boy Advance games to make for a slimmer profile. You can never be too thin. :P ;)
I need to clean my keyboard... not really exciting news but I just thought I'd throw it out there, it's been well over a week since the last cleaning.
My brother and sister are gonna get a dog... a puppy actually... I think a toy dog, y'know, a really small dog. For some reason I'm really excited about it. I guess I like the idea of being able to play with it without having to care for it. :P
Did I mention that I did make some brownies the other night, for the first time? They came out okay... but I didn't have any walnuts on hand, which really rapes. The one thing I truly love about brownies are the walnuts. It's always been a dream of mine to bake 'em myself so that I could go crazy with the amount of walnuts. Guess I got something to look forward to. ;)
Okay, I think I'm done... Hell's Kitchen is about to begin in 5 minutes. :P
Later bitches! :P ;)

DS333, feisty.

Bucking & Braying

2008-06-09T17:28:00.000-07:00

I got into a conversation recently about authoritarianism which then bled into a general discussion on societal pressures and such. But in my mind I was somewhere else, trying to uncover the root of the problem, the origin of my hatred. Well, maybe not the origin, but I was trying to remember the first instance in which something like this left a bad taste in my mouth.

It had everything to do with being told that I'm a social creature, that humans are social animals. I've always hated that idea. There was this feeling that I didn't feel like everyone else, or what I had imagined everyone else was feeling, which was not my experience. It was all connected to these ideas of disconnection and alienation, and a brewing hatred or disdain for those who I felt weren't like me, and trying to reconcile that while we were different, we shared something in common… that at some point down the line we would need each other.

There was the idea that as natural as being alone felt, as good as it felt, eventually my biology would get the better of me and seek out something else, something new… some one. There's just something annoying about being clued into a realization you didn't happen upon yourself. And it's not as though I even have a problem with being a social animal (I do love people), I just hate not having the option of being something else. I am human, and nothing will ever change that, or my experience.

I hate feeling caged into one experience. I suppose that's why I live so much in my head, or on paper. There, I'm something else entirely.

DS333, in flux.

In Name Only?

2008-06-08T17:08:00.000-07:00

I flirted with this thread in a previous post but was surprised to discover that I didn't pick it up again. Well the idea came again recently and I thought I would expound on it. I've always been interested in the business of naming. I'm always questioning the reasoning and effects of naming children, products, pieces of art, etc. There's a magic about naming something. I visualize what it's like and I see people bottling air or grasping at smoke. It can be like capturing and caging. But I feel it's only ever restrictive when it's done wrong.

Whenever I work on a piece of art I play with the idea of titling it at the outset. I do that because there's usually a singular energy or thought that I want to hold onto, titling it foists a net on the idea. Sometimes I don't have much of a thought in the beginning, instead I have a feeling. Feeling out the feeling is a lot like trying to remember something or someone. It's a bit like hunting. There's something out there that you know can guide you. That's what a title can be, a guide... a map. Sometimes it's there to direct you. But in the end it might change. You may find that you needed in the beginning you may not want in the end. Sometimes it just doesn't feel right to hold on. It's not a good thing to try and cage something that you should instead nurture... you might find that it'll turn on you. Sometimes a piece doesn't want to speak to you if the cage is too restrictive. The whole process is about communication... you never want your voice to drown out all else. And if you have found something that works... you have to be aware enough to realize when it doesn't. You get comfortable with a name after a while... it worked before, so why not now? Well things grow, things change. Sometimes there is something in a name. It matters, it all matters. It can shape and destroy entire worlds.

It's a fickle beast, names. Creatures die under it or strive because of it. It's all back-and-forth. Freedom for some and captivity for others. A lot of naming, prescient naming (the most profound sort), has to do with knowing your subject. You have to know it's strength or it's weakness... or maybe what I mean is that you have to know if what you're working with is a strong or weak entity; is it highly impressionable? Because a name can loom over a subject in such a way that the name becomes the whole. The spirit of what you were trying to honor chokes under the shade... it moves and sways to another tune, no longer it's own. People and pieces can become something because of a name... and sometimes those people and pieces aren't who they are or should be. But then, what should be? I don't want to get into my Destiny wrap right now. :P

Back to the magic of naming though... you hear about it through the grapevine, through the old tales. There's a thread here about Rumpelstiltskin that I can't follow right now. But I mention him because I want to bring to mind the idea of enchantment. There's a song I quite like, actually, very much love, Mother by Tori Amos. I think of Mother and this idea of becoming reborn through the power of love and it's connection to being renamed. I wonder what this means in regards to marriage. Taking on another person's name and becoming something else. Shifting your life in such a way that is seemingly superficial but actually deeply profound. All around are references to a new beginning. Casting off an old shell and becoming something new.... something united. I've always loved that idea. Being reborn... being changed by someone, enriched. And it's not a one-sided affair either, the change is two-fold. You change and they change... two come together to become one. And so I wonder what it means to have a name... but not the one you've known and grown with. I wonder of our true names... the ones not readily known or spoken, the ones written in our mind, body and spirit. And mostly I wonder of the magic in finding the one with the strength and tenderness to receive that knowledge and free us from our old selves.

DS333, pondering.

001.351.365

2008-06-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

351!!!??? Craziness... only... lemme see... *counts using fingers* carry the one... move the remainder... only 14 blog posts left to go! :P
No links today... I hate hunting for links. Cutting and pasting is too much of a hassle tonight. :P
My brother and new sister came over today... did I mention they got married!? (I know I did ;) ) By the way, when I say married and brother & sister I don't want you getting the wrong idea... this is California, not the deep South. :P
I haven't been walking as much as I used to these past few weeks but I took a nice long one this evening... nice cool breeze. There's nothing quite like a pleasant, leisurely walk. It's very blissful if you manage to have all the stars aligned.
Had a huge helping of BBQ baby back ribs this afternoon courtesy of my brother. When did he become such a good cook? I think my Sis' rubbin' off on him. Deliciousness. :D Mmmm... *daydreaming*
I'm gonna have a go at making some brownies. I'm such a fiend for brownies which is love a cousin of mine helped foster, she makes a killer brownie. Though I know she's really old school about the prep... they're practically made from scratch. In the culinary scape, much like the tech scape, I'm a far better consumer than creator. :P So I haven't made any, ever... and it'll be a while before I attempt to make them from scratch so I'm going the Betty Crocker and... Duncan Hines? route first.
Betty Crocker & Duncan Hines are funny creatures to me... they're very quick and dirty. They're great... very good in my opinion, but there's a difference between quick & dirty and slow & loving. ;) They get the job done but you know it could be better. But like I said, they're good in a pinch. I aspire to become a lover in the kitchen... mainly a baker. I love baked goods... but then, who doesn't?
I really HATE Google's new favicon. Thought so the day it was unveiled. Why don't they change it!? I haven't heard any love for it. Change is not always a good thing.
I'm getting a headache... :( I know I shouldn't stare at this monitor any longer but there's no way that's gonna happen. :P
Apple's WWDC is only... basically a day away (it's on Monday) and I can't wait!!! I've been trying to steer clear of all the rumors about all the possible announcements, I really want the virgin experience. I love not knowing what's to come... though I know in my heart we'll see those new iPhones. Once I see that white one... ah! I can't wait!!! :D
Last night's episode of Battlestar Galactica may have been the best I've ever seen. So, so, so great! I love when... when you come down to it and year's worth of storytelling layers and builds upon itself to deliver some pretty powerfully poignant moments. I could've died watching that episode. Amazing storytelling. :D
Okay that's enough... time to indulge my latest obsession: Draw My Thing. :D Wonder how I'll fare with this looming headache. :P
Fair thee well my friends, have a pleasant journey in your part of the dream sea. ;)

DS333, gambling.

A Rant # "Implicit Respect"

2008-06-06T16:36:00.000-07:00

I was listening to The Howard Stern Show the other day and they were having a discussion that centered around ideas of family life, child rearing, etc., none of which I want to talk about today but that discussion did spark another one I've had floating around my head for a very long time.

I've heard it all my life: Respect your elders. I hate the idea. Don't get me wrong, I'm not at odds with the idea of respecting my fellow man. I'd say everyone has some level of my respect from the outset, no matter who they are. But it's not an implicit respect. True respect needs to be earned and you earn it based upon your actions. I meet a stranger and I treat them kindly, the next move is his or hers, and based upon that interaction the degree of respect I've afforded them is either raised or lowered. In that regard I don't think I'm any different than anyone else, it just makes sense. So I never understood why my elders should be held to a different standard. I think one of the most sobering truths you learn as you grow older is that your elders are really no different than you, they're just people. And like most people, elders can turn out to be real dicks and cunts once you get to know them. And people become real pricks real quick when they feel entitled to something. I've seen certain elders take an obscene liberty with this sentiment around people who fully accept it. I'm sorry, but certain behavior is just unacceptable and I don't care who the fuck you are, if you come at me expecting to shit all over me without any reprisal you've got another thing coming. It's that idea that I have a problem with. Why kowtow to the lowest common denominator? Nobody gets a pass in my book, young or old.

DS333, phew!

Lyrical Exegesis / "Professional Widow"

2008-06-05T20:56:00.000-07:00

This is only my second true Lyrical Exegesis post and as I come down to the end of this blogging project I really wish I set aside more time and put more effort into writing more of them, there are so many songs out there that I want to share and spin from my perspective because I feel it's a great way to share my... well, just share... my experience. I might have one more of these posts in me before the end but I can't be sure...

Professional Widow
- Tori Amos (Boys For Pele)

...
Give me Peace
Love
And a hard cock

When I first envisioned the Lyrical Exegesis feature I thought I would dissect a song's lyrics and music in full, but now I see that's far too daunting a task. For a song like Professional Widow there's just too much to delve into lyrically; conceptually. Fortunately, it's also one of those songs you can sum up with a short excerpt... at least, there's one facet, one message I want to latch onto. The excerpt above is the final verse of the song and the one I want to focus on.

I love this lyric, this message. I have it posted here and there on certain online profiles of mine and it was actually a friend of mine on one of these sites that sparked this post. I felt the need to explain myself and my love for these words... this concept.

I wasn't raised a Christian. That whole sphere of Judeo-Christian philosophy that exists in the hearts and minds of many is foreign to me. It's alien but still a part (however, small) of my mind and heart by virtue of being the predominant philosophy in America. You can't live here, or anywhere, without being affected by it in some way... it sees and rules all. In it's view I'm a heathen, I come from a noble ancestry of heathens. Although I also wasn't raised Navajo, It was still there... but it wasn't a part of my life in the way that Christianity was a part of my church-going friends' lives. But I had enough of that world (Navajo culture), that philosophy (Navajo spirituality) around me that I absorbed it more than anything else. It was a philosophical/spiritual osmosis... what I managed to take away came in the form of an understanding of symbology and a mind for metaphor (that's probably fairly obvious to anyone who knows me well enough). It's because of that absorption that I've been able to... relate. Comparative mythology is more my bag than anything else... I love it. So I don't have a problem with religion per se. I don't even have a problem with Christianity. My problem is with indoctrination... well even that's not true... I have a problem with misinterpretation. The greatest tragedy as it pertains to religion/mythology is mistaking shadow for substance and poetry for prose. The concept of a literal mind interpreting a spiritual language is... well I won't even get into it here, I need to focus.

Tori Amos is one of my two favorite artists of all-time, of any medium. She was raised Christian, the daughter of a minister no less. So her work is very much focused on... damn I knew this would be hard. :P

I feel like I'm on the outside in a lot of ways. I feel I'm under attack. It's that force... it's not Christianity but it's the perversion of Christianity that I feel at war with. I respond to and crave any work that speaks to that tension... The Cannonade Against Christianity, The Blitzkrieg of Blasphemy, The Salvo of Sin. It's about being under attack and opting for an offensive stance rather than defensive. To hell with the best offense being a good defense, I think... I know that allowing something as caustic and toxic as this specific form of perversion to let fly and unchecked is what the enemy would prefer; they would prefer that we not respond in kind. And I don't mean to... advocate a violent or... all I'm speaking of is fostering and owning your anger and outrage rather than dismissing or burying it. You keep it in your heart, you don't let it die, you foster it so that if you ever find yourself in a situation when it's called upon you you can come from a place of strength and clarity.

Of the many crimes perpetrated by The Great Perversion, the one I find most foul and reprehensible is the notion that Nature is fallen and sinful. So much of that philosophy speaks of strength and spirit from without rather than within; It speaks of shame. Everything I know and was raised on speaks of the exact opposite. I've known people who are damaged by it. I've seen it... this disconnection between body and soul. That Nature, the body, sex and sexuality could become points of shame and disgrace... well, I just don't understand how people could buy into that bullshit. To view sex as anything other than a Holy Communion is... it's just so foreign to me. To have a divinity that excludes, degrades or minimizes sexuality is counterfeit. That the natural and the spiritual could exist in two separate spheres is insane to me; natural is spiritual; Nature is Divine. And I don't know where you would look in this day and age and hope to argue the point. You've generations crippled by this castration and infibulation of the mind; that whole sphere of dysfunction. You've barren lands and polluted waters, all a result of this Great Perversion. You see the shame, the impotence, the pollution, the schizophrenia, the excess, the filth, the entitlement, the extinction, the perversion... is that Divine, is that Holy? It all comes to bear from an ideology that views Nature as fallen. That religion is not my religion... that world is not the world I want.

Give me peace / Love / And a hard cock is about union. To speak as a fully realized person would mean uttering and internalizing those words. It's an equal balance... or maybe no balance because there's no discrimination. The heavenly and the divine is not... it's not just the white doves. All of these elements are dependent on one another. The Holy Trinity is mind, body and soul. But it's always the body that gets left out of the picture. The body takes a backseat. The body is devalued. But we need the body if we want to taste the bliss of being. The hard cock is merely a reference to that idea, it also exists as the wet pussy or exists as whatever you need it to exist as to fully embrace every part of your being (both physical and metaphysical) and honor yourself and others for exactly what we are, The Divine.

It's really something to see Tori Amos perform live, and never more so than when she performs a song like Professional Widow that expresses this dialogue on sexuality as divinity. It's really something to see a woman with a Christian upbringing totally embracing her sexuality and playing with your idea of propriety; she'll straddle and grind that piano bench, she'll spread her legs and claw her inner thighs, she'll growl, holler and moan, she'll caress her breasts and clench her crotch, and as you'll see in the final seconds of this performance she'll wrench and slurp her microphone as a phallic object. She's so... words don't do her justice. *swooning* ;) :D

Professional Widow (album lyrics)

slag pit
stag shit
honey bring it close to my lips
yes
don't blow those brains yet
we gotta be big boy
we gotta be big
starfucker just like my daddy
just like my daddy selling his baby
just like my daddy
gonna strike a deal make him feel like a congressman
it runs in the family

rest your shoulders peaches and cream
everywhere a judas as far as you can see
beautiful angel
calling "we got every re-run of muhammed ali"

prism perfect
honey bring it close to your lips
yes
what is termed a landslide of principle
proportion boy it better be big boy
starfucker just like my daddy
just like my daddy selling his baby
just like my daddy
gonna strike a deal make him feel
like a congressman
it runs in the family

mother mary
china white
brown may be sweeter
she will supply
mother mary
china white
brown may be sweeter
she will supply
she will supply
she will supply
she will supply

give me peace
love
and a hard cock

DS333, hard.

001.348.365

2008-06-05T01:43:00.000-07:00

Had such a great night playing hours and hours of Draw My Thing on I'm In Like With You. That site's all about the games and they recently unveiled some new ones, the highlight being the Pictionary clone, Draw My Thing. I met this one guy who was making me laugh sooo much. It's rare that I find someone online with my exact sense of humor. I only stopped because my gameroom froze... which is a good thing 'cause I had to eat and blog. :P
I don't really have much else to say... my mind's consumed with one thing. :P

DS333, starving.

Playing The Game

2008-06-03T17:27:00.000-07:00

I was also thinking of titling this post Living Life. Damn! I just got another idea for another blog post... *writing it down* Anyway, I've been thinking about writing about this for some time, in some form. Apple's WWDC '08 conference isn't far off and with it comes the highly anticipated announcement of the second generation iPhone. It's the iPhone that sparked this idea recently, not the new but the old one. I've been thinking specifically about the mandatory contract with AT&T you have to sign if you buy the iPhone. Whenever this comes up I always have to bring up AT&T. Now I won't go into it here, so you can read that here. :P

But I just... well it's a funny thing. I hate people who impose their morals and ideals on others. But then, you could say that I do that quite a lot. I try not to, I like to think I project rather than impose... I don't particularly think of myself as judgemental but I guess I am... I mean I know I am. There's always been this tension between being open and judgemental with me. I like to say that the worst thing anyone's ever said to me is that they "admire[d] [my] moral rectitude." WTF!? I hated that so much. What should've been taken as a compliment always felt like an insult. It's hard for me to imagine being... open and diplomatic and holding a space in which thoughts and concepts are sharp and rigid. I'd never want to alienate... or... I never want to close myself off from trying to relate or connect with something or someone and for some reason I feel that those rules will separate and cut me off. It's a stupid idea. I think of uniting the Madonna and the Magdalene when I fall into this... it's possible to create and live within two spaces at once. I know that's possible but still I fear painting myself into a corner. I never want to become that enemy.

You know, I'm muddling everything. I'm merging too many thoughts at once. I just wanted to say that I think it's interesting to meditate on this idea of holding true to who you are and what you believe is right in a world that's not always true and that you don't always feel is right. And I'm always interested in what people let slide. What's your line? What's my line? What do you deem acceptable or unacceptable? And how do those lines affect your life? There's a thread here about sacrifice... that's always the case when you stand up for what you believe is right I suppose. There's also a thread about the state of things, the way of the world and the toxicity of indifference. But as for playing the game and living life... well I was thinking about sweating or not sweating the small things. Sometimes we might get out of hand with our beliefs... but then again... that's all a matter of perspective. See, for me... I sorta cringe whenever I see someone with an iPhone because I know that it means for AT&T, or at least I know what it doesn't mean for that particular user. They're not bothered by what they've done? They're fine with giving them their business? But as I said... it's all about lines and there's so much corruption in the world that it would be hard not painting yourself in a corner. We're all playing the game... we're just trying to live life and don't really need someone telling us what we're doing is wrong. But still, I care. I'm going to find every opportunity to spout off. If I see something happening that I think is wrong, well at the very least I'm going to voice my opinion. So at times, to hell with playing the game and playing it nicely or just living life (life is more than just surviving)... above all else you have to stay true to yourself; you have to speak up.

DS333, confused & lucid.

Foundation

2008-06-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't stopped posting but it feels like I haven't blogged in days... feels wild. I feel outta sorts, almost like I don't know what to say. But I do have one topic of interest I want to touch upon. It sorta got stirred with a recent post...

Places like people have their own unique character. I'm not talking about anything too grand... I don't mean to bring to mind nations or continents. I'm also not talking about anything particularly small like neighborhoods. I'm really talking about cities, at least, I want to talk about cities because it's certainly the case that neighborhoods, cities, nations and continents all have character.

With cities like these, the ones with character, I often question how they came to be. Getting to know a city is much like getting to know a person, there are all sorts of questions with many answers covering many stories and filled with much history. It's very complex. Cities are as complex as people. In the same way that I feel there's something in the blood with people, I feel there's something in the earth with cities.

I visit a place I've come to know over several years and I begin to deconstruct it. I imagine what it must have been like. I envision the space, not the place... take out the buildings, the streets, the people, the wiring, the plumbing, etc. It's never what it really was 'cause I don't know what it was... it's just my imagination. But I imagine mountains... mountains must have existed here once. There were rivers and streams; forests and deserts. But even that is just place and not space. I speak of this space in the same way that I speak of headspaces and emotional spaces; a kind of energy. I've said it before... but this is really one of those times that I wish I could take people into my head, my mind, because it's there... but only visual. I imagine the whole of the world like a stage... and there are shifting lights dedicated to certain places on Earth; committed and shifting. This light, that energy, dictates any number of things... but we'll stick to the topic at hand: foundations. Unlike people I think cities can't change. It might be a consequence of not being able to move because changing your character might require new lighting, so to speak.

There's just something essential about certain places... intrinsic. These places change in the same ways that we can... the roads come, the people come, the buildings, etc. But that doesn't change what's underneath and in between, those changes are only superficial. I don't think places change. I imagine what happened before is happening now. I imagine the people living here are the people who have always lived here. These places, like people, are like lighthouses... attracting a particular sort. Some people you know live out the same stories over and over again, attracting a certain type. Sometimes it's violent, sometimes it's loving, etc. I think we share an affinity to our cities because they call to us... some part of us, not the whole. I think people can become larger than cities and harbor entire universes. But on the whole I think the people match the place, there's something to that... reflections.

I felt like I was going to go on but I lost the thread... I hate when that happens, it makes me feel like I was just about to happen upon something illuminating. Oh well... there was something about nomads in there for sure. Curse those nomads. :P

DS333, thinking.

001.345.365

2008-06-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

Fuck, only 20 posts left! :O That's wild.
My brother's wedding went off without a hitch... I have a new sister! :D Well, in my view I always had one but now in the eyes of the United States government it's official. :P It was a really great day... beautiful was the watchword, just everything. It was one of those days. :D
Decompression day. ;)
Almost missed Million Dollar Password on CBS. I scheduled it via iCal on my iPod touch almost a month ago but I guess they juggled the times around since then. Pretty awesome show, I'm a sucker for Password/Pyramid.
20 posts left and my Ring sketch isn't done yet. Took 'im out to Starbucks today and it's all falling together. :D
I've a grip of See's candy sticks to devour here.
Seems like the Wii bug's been spreading. My cousin's Wii died on him... sorta. It'll turn on but it won't read discs... guess it's pretty obvious that it's the disc drive. I'm so glad all is right with the world on this end. :P ;)
Massive clouds of gnats have been plaguing the neighborhood today... it's insane! I don't know what's up and where they came from. *shivers*
Did I mention that I think my wildflower might actually survive? I can't be sure... but I think life has found a way. :D
That's enough, see you kids later. ;)

DS333, signing off.

Film Fetish: "Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull"

2008-05-31T12:18:00.000-07:00

Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull (2008)
- directed by Steven Spielberg

The fourth film in the wildly popular and successful Indiana Jones franchise finds the titular character entangled in a plot with Russian militants bent on attaining a world-ruling power; to be bestowed in return of a lost, ancient relic.

I feel funny about this review because I feel a review is based around the idea that I'm to dissuade or sway an audience toward a particular film and I can't imagine anyone not seeing this movie; There's nothing I can say, bad or good, that's going to stop someone from doing so. So what is there to say? I think the one thing you'll hear over and over again is that it was fun. It was entertaining. It was fun and it was entertaining. I'm sure there are very few that will say they love the film and truly mean it. I didn't fall in love. :( In fact, I might have been more than a tad disappointed. But y'know how I feel about expectations and disappointment. Maybe the blame should be on me, but I don't think I built up any expectations... at least nothing so grand. I only wanted the film to live up to the greatness of the previous three and I don't think it made it.

I could probably rip this film apart if I wanted to, but as I said, I enjoyed myself and to be hypercritical now would be very disingenuous. It wasn't the greatest disappointment. I think I should just be grateful that it wasn't on par with the failure that was the Star Wars prequels. Anything looks better in that light. :P There was a lot I liked about the movie... but it didn't have the polish to make the grade. I guess it's true what they say, you can't go home again. :|

7/10 Sadly, my least favorite film of the franchise. A fine argument that digital effects aren't the be-all and end-all in world with practical effects. While not the best film of the franchise, definitely worth the watch for the awesomeness that is Cate Blanchett with a wicked Russian accent. Yowsa! :P ;)

DS333, disillusioned.

Film Fetish: "Dreams"

2008-05-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

Dreams (1990)
- directed by Akira Kurosawa

A collection of eight short, self-contained films inspired by the dreams of visionary director Akira Kurosawa.

Of all the films that were on my list to watch during my Kurosawa retrospective, Dreams was the film I most looked forward to watching. It was during the time I first conceptualized my own Dream project that I learned of Kurosawa's. It was one of those things, a sign. Having worked primarily in black & white I was hesitant about experimenting with color, that I would also be sharing something as personal to me as my own dreams paled in comparison to that initial fear. I'd always been a fan of Kurosawa but it wasn't until I learned of Dreams that I felt a true affinity for the artist. In my mind he existed in the old world of classic black & white cinema. I remember first seeing the cover/poster work for Dreams and feeling things click. I remember the color most of all; the dichotomy between old and new. I was instantly drawn in and had to see this film. But I had to wait...

If for nothing else this film is worth seeing for the first short, Sunshine Through The Rain, which just so happens to be the inspiration for the cover/poster artwork of Dreams, it's that good. While the rest of the shorts didn't quite live up to the grandeur of the first, I did find things to take away from each of them. I'd say this film is largely a visual experiment... in that vein I found it to be arresting, compelling, strong and dramatic. There are so many images you'll walk away with after having watched the movie. Unfortunately, given the structure, there's not much to take away in terms of a coherent storyline. In fact, the film is characteristically Asian in that the film provides very little dialogue. It's exactly the film you would expect given the pitch. It's scattered, poignant, visual, meditative and mysterious. Certainly Kurosawa's most artistically experimental film to date. I loved this film through and through.

8.5/10 In my opinion, Kurosawa's most visually arresting film. A film for the art set.

DS333, greatly impressed.

001.342.365

2008-05-29T20:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight's the night... the Lost season finale!!! :D
My brother's wedding is in a few days and now I'm worried about things falling into place... there are a few details that need tending to at the last minute. I suppose it wouldn't be my brother's wedding if that wasn't the case. :P
I need to finish uploading those year-old photos to Flickr by the end of this month. D'oh! :P
My wildflowers won't grow. :( Perhaps they were offended by my first careless attempt.
The weather's been beautiful these past few days and the next few look to be just as peachy. :)
I'd forgotten how awesome the Wii's Internet Channel is. Sadly it can't play Flash video from the TED website. Fortunately it can play video from YouTube which TED posts to as well.
Laundry day today. I can't remember what doing laundry was like before I owned an iPod... I'm typing up this blog post from the laundromat! :D
Looking forward to the Sex And The City movie... I'll catch it sometime next week though.
I just noticed the other day that Dina Lohan has the longest (disproportionately long) arms I've seen on a person. Also, I hate that I know Dina Lohan's name.
This shirt feels like a blouse... it's like a tent. I knew I should've trusted my ghost when I bought it. I'm a medium guy, but this medium is more like a large. :| O where o where is that small shirt now?
Another raspberry white chocolate mocha is chilling in the freezer. Life is good. :D
Time to head out...

DS333, tending.

My Hot Friend

2008-05-28T18:09:00.000-07:00

I love my oven. I use him all the time. Microwaves and toaster ovens have nothing on a conventional oven. There's a whole science to reheating that I feel I've mastered. I can resurrect just about any dish with the help of my hot friend. It's all about the right heat and the right time. A novice could destroy all that is beautiful in the world. :P A master can make that beauty flourish all the more. I speak of my friend because he's helping to bring a pizza back to life right now. All I can think about is that melted cheese and crispy crust *drool*. All I can think about is food. All I can think about is eating. All... why am I blogging right now? :P

DS333, passing the buck.

Gratitude Redux

2008-05-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

I had a great day today. And like many of the days I deem good, I spend the tail end of this one thinking of the worst things. I've spoken to a few of my friends about this... and they don't think as I do, don't do as I do. I'm different. I rarely like to say things like that... only because they might be construed as self-congratulatory. But I don't think of specific facets of my character as being especially being good or especially bad... not most of the time anyway. Sometimes different is just different; there's no subtext. The stories are all the same, I've said and thought this many, many times. It's all the same and yet always different. Sometimes it just... your voice can sound so different that you believe you're redefining the concept of song...

Back to what I was getting at... good days and bad days. I can conjure up a really great day. I have it in my mind. And a funny thing happened that night as I was leaving the restaurant, I caught sight of someone having the worst night. It's funny because whether I had seen that person and his family or not, I still would have thought of them. Of course I wouldn't have thought about them specifically... but the idea of them is always there.

It comes easily when I catch sight of a great landscape, a panorama. I see the cars, I see the houses, I see the cities, the streets... everything bustling with people. People like and unlike me, running about their days. And what's happening to me? What's happening to them? I have these views and I pretend to see inside houses. I wonder... who's dying, who's being born? Who's making love, being raped? Who's being embraced, being beaten? Who's flourishing, breaking? So many stories are being played out, so many dramas. So many. I'm on the side of a mountain, over a bridge, on a street atop a hill and I see these things... all these stories happening all at the same time.

It's the idea that days and memories can exist as two diametrically opposed forces in the minds and hearts of two people. I have a great day and get struck with the idea that it doesn't exist for everyone as it does for me. This beauty exists as a horror somewhere else and it will continue to live on as such forever because I still remember that night... one of the very best, filled with such happiness that I thought I would explode... and crossing paths with a man dying in a parking lot. I remember his family circled around him and sobbing. I kept thinking of what would happen next, for me and for him. How different will this day turn out for us? What will we take away from this night? It's always there... these thoughts. Always with the best of days come the worst of thoughts.

Ultimately it's about compassion and empathy. Getting totally lost in one thing, however dark or light, is a selfish and, some might argue, empty experience. I don't mind these thoughts if carrying the memory of them means harboring these feelings of deference, empathy and compassion for all those who can't share in my bliss. Carrying them within might result in their bleeding out; making the fantasy a reality... a world in which we all endeavor to share in our bliss.

DS333, honored.

001.339.365

2008-05-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

It's Memorial Day! What are you doing here at this blog? Git! ;)
It's a day for many things, blogging is not one of them. Better luck next time. :P

DS333, *nom nom nom*

A Rant # "Ghettos"

2008-05-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

So I was having a chat with a friend of mine the other day and he mentioned something that sparked something else in my head... that seems to happen quite a lot, conversations within conversations.

For anyone who's unaware West Hollywood, which just so happens to be West of Hollywood :P, is a city here in Southern California that's a hub of homosexuality, a man-on-man mecca. I have a love-hate relationship with the place. I love it in the same way that I love the Navajo reservation. There's something about being around people who are like you, there's this familiarity and safety. It's just a pleasant feeling. It's hard for me to imagine myself being anything other than exactly what I am but I would think, I would hope, that even if I were straight I would be enamored with West Hollywood for this overwhelming sense of freedom and acceptance. The place is less about being accepting to the GLBT community and more about being accepting of acceptance. It's a lovely place when you think about it. Everyone is exactly who they want to be, doing exactly what they want to be doing and there's no fear of being shamed or threatened into anything else. There's a spirit about the place... a strength, a courage, a fearlessness, a bravery... heroism.

The thing I hate about West Hollywood and places like it is seeing people shut themselves off in self-imposed ghettos. The picture's not all rosey. I don't see everyone as courageous or brave. I know people who are there because they are the exact opposite. I see people living in fear. There are people there whose entire life is that one place. It's the literature, it's the theatre, it's the community, the culture, everything... all of it is centered around this one perspective. We live in a global community, there is no disputing that. I try not to be judgemental and rarely do I say something is wrong for fear of being wrong myself. But our greatest threats as a global community are these rabid and fanatical enclaves of exclusivity, these self-imposed ghettos. There's this fear and resistance to change that's fostering a toxic xenophobia. It's a dangerous state to live in, literally and metaphorically. But y'know, I don't pretend that my story is that of everyone else. There might be... I'm sure there are reasons for the way things are. People can be ugly, vicious, brutal, violent... and if that's all you've ever known of others who am I to say what you're doing and where you're living is wrong? I don't say it for exactly that reason. I don't know everything and I don't know what's going on... but I feel like something's off.

DS333, doubtful.

Film Fetish: "Ran"

2008-05-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

Ran (1985)
- directed by Akira Kurosawa

A Japanese period drama adapted from William Shakespeare's King Lear; A tale of an aging king driven to madness by his feuding sons; a house divided by avarice and treachery.

I wanna keep this short and sweet (along with future Fetish posts), so I'll just say that I liked the film. I didn't love it, but I did enjoy myself. It's hard to go wrong when you pair two geniuses like Kurosawa and Shakespeare. However, given that the story is so simple the film is largely a visual experience and that might have to do with my lukewarm reception; I didn't view the best version of this film... I missed out on the Criterion edition. The copy I saw was the original DVD transfer and it looked quite muddy. If I had viewed the pristine version of the film I might have been bowled over by the visual impact, so much so that I might have forgiven the film's slight failings. The story, or, at least the screenplay seems to be quite lite with Kurosawa's epics... lite and drawn out. It's hard to live up to Shakespeare but if the writing were anywhere near as interesting I might have been able to forgive the muddy visuals. Anyway, it's a solid film... sadly despite my viewing experience, at this point, Kurosawa is working against himself; the film is nowhere as compelling as his earlier work.

7/10 A visual treat of period Japan underlying one of Shakespeare's great works.

DS333, underwhelmed.

001.336.365

2008-05-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

Currently making love to the Juno soundtrack. Listened to Cat Power's Sea Of Love cover quite a lot, now I've been ensnared by Barry Louis Polisar's All I Want Is You, it's the first track featured in the film and the first of the soundtrack. Much like the rest of the album it has the feel of a children's tune; quite infectious.
In a world of Drum, Guitar and Keyboard guys I'd have to call myself a Keyboard guy. Then I might be a Drum dude. It's very rare for me to celebrate my inner Guitar guy. PJ Harvey's the only known soul to really bring him out.
I'm coming to the end of my Akira Kurosawa retrospective. I watched Dreams (1990) last night which means I've only to watch Rhapsody In August (1991) and Madadayo (1993) and I'll be done. :( A very bittersweet ending. I'm still trying to figure out what will come next. I always thought I would begin the documentary march not long after...
The week's just about over... and I'm so glad I was able to cope with the loss of Lost and Battlestar Galactica (not to mention Law & Order: SVU, Survivor... and ER). :P Although, maybe that had something to do with having four Kurosawa films, four Harry Potter flicks, the Indiana Jones DVD box set, three episodes of Hell's Kitchen and the usual collection of vidcasts to watch. :P Still, I can't wait till next week! :D
I don't know if I mentioned on this blog, but my Wii came back to life! :D That last sentence would be much sweeter if I had a history of impotence. :P I love amusing myself. ;)
Been catching up with The Dawn and Drew Show and episodes 751-758 have been fucking stellar! Just hilarious! *LOL*
I've been consuming so many raspberry white chocolate mochas from Starbucks it's not even funny! Well, maybe it is. :P Funnier thing is that I might grab another one tonight. O_O I can't stop myself! Help! :P
Just came back from Starbucks. :|
See ya later snow bunnies. ;)

DS333, wired.

A Happy Routine

2008-05-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

I don't mean to hold off on blogging till the very last minute but I can't help it sometimes. :P I'm gonna give the short shrift because I can't wait to dive into one of life's little pleasures: ripping a new CD. I just got my hands on the Juno soundtrack. One thing I forgot to mention in my review of the movie was the way in which one song worked it's voodoo on me, Cat Power's cover of Sea Of Love. I've always loved that song and Power's version is unlike anything I've heard before. I've been thinking of the song ever since I watched the film and knew I had to have it. Funny thing is that every online service would only think of parting with it as part of a full album purchase, so I figured I'd just go ahead and pick up the physical CD. It's not like me to buy an album for one tune, but I had no choice in this situation. As a plus, I like more than a few tunes on the album so it's pretty much a win all around. Now I must depart to scan the album art and rip the sucker into iTunes and then transfer it to my iPod so that I can get lost in the delicate body of Power's gorgeous voice... you can be sure that you'll find me listening to it quite a lot. :D

Sleeping Giants

2008-05-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's the sense of innocence that I find most compelling when I see someone sleep. It has a lot to do with the inactivity; inertness. They're something like defective bombs, or rather, ticking time bombs. They can't do anything, for the moment, but have the potential to do many great things, both beautiful and horrific. It's only when active are we at our most volatile. Do we choose to nurture or destroy? There are always these decisions and the intentions that hardly mean a thing; the best intentions often lead to the greatest disasters. There's always the potential for things to go wrong when active. Though, there's just as much chance for things to be perfect. But it's always a gamble and only sleep and death can manage to stave off the rolling of dice. Stasis isn't an answer to living but it's a peaceful distraction. The storm always breaks, there's no sense in trying to contain it. So maybe it's not just the innocence and inactivity that manages to mystify.

The sleeping face is a reference to the reality of being. It reminds me of who we are as opposed to what we are. We are not our shells, we are not our vessels, we are not our cages, we are not our bodies, we are not these dolls. We are the light, we are the energy, we are that spark that inform our thoughts and our actions that in turn spur our shells, vessels, et cetera. What we are leave in sleep to play in dream. What we are leave in death to play in transcendence. And we come back. An allegory of being, this continual cycle of death and rebirth. The sleeping face like the setting sun; the waking, the rising. All at once the frailty and strength of the Human Condition. All at once and always this sense of peace, mystery and beauty.

DS333, transitory.

001.333.365

2008-05-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

Wow, post 333! I feel this one should be really special but I don't know how to make that happen. If I had some nude photos or a raunchy sex tape this would be the time to post 'em. :P More than likely I'm just going to ramble on as usual. ;)
I had this weird moment when I woke up today. When I awoke my cell phone was in bed with me, placed right above my head. I always place my cell phone near my computer just to the side of the bed. So I had no idea why it was there... I specifically remember putting it away before I fell asleep and I don't remember picking it up. More weird were two missed phone calls from numbers I didn't recognize while I was asleep, minutes apart and one from Louisiana of all places. I must've heard them but didn't answer? I heard them and picked up the phone and... I don't know... it's weird, because if I had actually answered them they wouldn't be "missed calls", so I just grabbed my phone and didn't answer? I have no memory of what happened, none. It was the strangest thing.
Watched Akira Kurosawa's Ran (1985) early in the morning. :D Sadly the film isn't a Criterion release so the picture quality was somewhat degraded.
I love watching people run to catch a bus or a train. I'm convinced that it's symbolic of something... I just don't know what. I mean to say that it's a personal meaning of mine, not that these people are acting out something internal... there's something hidden there that tickles me just so.
I've been having some weird e-mail trouble. There's a problem syncing my desktop app with my IMAP account. I think it has to do with the iPod touch as well... but I can't be sure because that wouldn't make much sense. Anyway, it's just weird... and annoying. I'm having a lot of little problems with tech these days. It's pretty funny, I'm a huge enthusiast with a knack for making things malfunction. It's not that I'm careless with my things, quite the opposite, I've just always had this problem. My money's on a wonky electromagnetic field. :P
I had a dream about the much rumored/anticipated second generation iPhone. I was holding this thing I'd never seen, pristine and white. It was so beautiful. *loving sigh* June 9th can't come soon enough! :P :D
It's been a while but I wanted to mention that I was in a glutton's paradise this past weekend. My brother and sister have taken to hosting a family get-together every month to... well... get together. :P My sister's a phenomenal cook and a great host to boot so everyone had a great time chatting it up and gorging ourselves. I'm still having withdrawals. :P
Later tonight I plan to sow some seeds... and that's not a euphemism. :P I'm gonna play the gardener again and see if I can get it right the second time around. It's been a longtime coming so I thought, why not now? I had actually planned to have had it done earlier in the day so that I could make it a part of this special post but didn't get around to it. Better late than never, right? :P
Gee, it feels weird ending this post... I feel like there needs to be more. Then again, I don't think there's anything I could do to make it feel right. Maybe it needs to act as a point of inspiration. Maybe... I don't know.
32 posts left to go. I better get my ass into gear. I had sorta adopted this plan of doling out one piece of artwork per month; one every 30 days. And there are two that I'm working on that I wanted to make part of this project but that are nowhere near complete. I'm gonna need to race against the clock... well, not really, but I feel weird about wanting to get them out at a specific time... it feels like unnecessarily inducing labor. There are a few posts brewing in this head of mine that have been lingering for a long time as well. They're all gonna need to come out eventually... hopefully sooner rather than later. :P
Okay, my mind's sparking... I need to use this. ;)
See ya later cyber kitties.

DS333, meow.

Film Fetish: "Juno"

2008-05-19T16:24:00.000-07:00

Juno (2007)
- directed by Jason Reitman

Witty acerbic high school junior, Juno, navigates the choppy waters of teenage pregnancy.

Every field of interest has them, miserable assholes. You hear about them from time to time even if you don't happen to be immersed in their world. For instance, I wouldn't consider myself an audiophile but I know enough about that space to know that it's riddled with sonic snobs; joyless, anal retentive zombies. Being in love with film as much as I am means I'm familiar with the cinematic variety. I can't stand them. I can't stand anyone who can't have a good time; people who are bored, people who are blasé, people who are hypercritical, etc. Those people are deaf, dumb and blind. Case in point, their assessment of Juno. The film took a good beating from that camp, in fact, it was pretty much trashed. Over and over I heard about how trite and mediocre it was, indie-by-numbers is the phrase I remember being bandied about. I have no idea what movie they were watching. I loooved Juno.

In some way I guess I could see what the cinephiles were trying to get at, but I feel they lost sight of what's really important, the heart of the film. It's a really great story; heartwarming, touching, funny and honest. It's not huge, not great, not all-encompassing, but it doesn't need to be... it still packs a punch. It's a small film that has all the right elements, that hits all the right notes. The star of the film, appropriately enough, is Ellen Page as Juno. Page along with Jennifer Garner and Allison Janney delivered phenomenal performances. As a whole I was pretty much bowled over by the strength of the cast, it's just something I wasn't really expecting. I was expecting the worst in a lot of ways, given what I had heard from the hardcores, but I was very pleasantly surprised. I think you might be too.

8/10 A great dramedy that's a little lite on the drama and very heavy on the comedy; this film's loaded with laughs. :D

DS333, surprised yet again.

Film Fetish: "Sweeney Todd..."

2008-05-18T20:01:00.000-07:00

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street (2007)
- directed by Tim Burton

After being unjustly exiled by the corrupt Judge Turpin in a plot to usurp his wife and the life he loved so dearly, Benjamin Barker returns to London a changed man and seeking revenge as The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Sweeney Todd.

I hate musicals. Let me qualify that, I hate most musicals... traditional musicals. As far as I can remember the only ones I've been able to get into have been comedies like South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999) and Team America: World Police (2004). There was also Lars Von Trier's Dancer In The Dark (2000). And I was only drawn to them by a preexisting love for their creators; my love of Matt Stone and Trey Parker's comedy and my love of Björk's music. There's always been a hook to the musicals I've loved. I need to find a way in, otherwise they just seem ridiculous. I'm shut out from experiencing musicals in the way that fans of the genre do because I can't make sense of what's going on. Why are these people spontaneously bursting into song? How does everyone know the words? Where's the music coming from? This doesn't make sense, it's unnatural! I would have an easier time wrapping my head around them if they treated their performances as soliloquies. In a soliloquy the performer is removed from our reality; it's a window into the mind. I would even be fine with interpreting the songs as metaphors for the relationships of the characters involved, but the songs invariably contain specific information crucial to the plot progression. The songs are almost always symbolic of nothing, they're intended to be actual interactions and conversations. I just don't get it. Believe me, I could go on skewering the medium but that's not why I'm here. :P ;)

Having said all that, I really enjoyed Sweeney Todd... and that should really mean something because it's structured in the way a traditional musical is. It's got everything save for the elaborate dance routines. But the film didn't win me over solely on its strength as a musical. The casting was spectacular; Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter are incredible and the supporting cast is just as strong. But tying it all together is the visionary genius of Tim Burton. Burton is definitely one of the high demigods in my personal pantheon. I don't believe there's been a film he's churned out that I haven't managed to enjoy. I just think he's a great filmmaker and this film... this story was perfectly suited for him and his visual style. The project as a whole is a perfect storm of talent and gore. :P

7.5/10 One of the rare musical experiences I've managed to stomach and enjoy. At its heart, a great revenge film. Violence and vengeance set to Sondheim, what could be better? ;)

DS333, pleasantly surprised.

001.330.365

2008-05-17T22:17:00.000-07:00

Early start today; early Saturday mornings are so unnatural. :P
Spent most of the day with my brother and sister.
Went to a cake tasting and was lucky enough to see a man-child nutcase tantrum like a baby because of a mistake he made which he desperately tried to blame on the owners. I love out of control people and behavior. :P ;)
I love free Wi-Fi. :D
Finally got my grubby mitts on a BrightKite invite! :D While InviteShare turned out to be a bust I still like the idea; nice site.
Had lunch at one of my mostest favoritest places on Earth: Tito's Tacos! :D
Went to the Fox Studios lot to catch a screening of Smart People but missed out on it due to a change in plans.
Very sleepy at this moment.
Watched a good majority of the Indiana Jones trilogy on the Sci Fi Channel.
Goodnight. ;)

DS333, (-_-)zzZZZ

Looming Gloom

2008-05-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

All my babies are going to die. :(

I think it first started with my 1st generation iPod Shuffle. It started acting wacky just when my brother bought me the 2nd gen iPod Nano. It had this annoying habit of skipping to the next song before the current one finished playing. Now that I think about it, it actually got worse before I got my hands on my Nano. It had completely died at one point. Or at least it slipped into a coma. It wasn't until long after my honeymoon with the Nano ended that Apple released a reset utility for the Shuffle that gave me my baby back. He was resurrected. But he was never the same again.

And of course things with my Nano haven't been perfect either... he started to slip away too. It's mostly a freezing issue, though it happens a lot more than one would normally expect. Luckily I was gifted the iPod Touch before I saw the worst of the Nano's illness. So far everything's great with the Touch... our relationship's still young and so is he. But it'll happen. Things will begin to decay. I know this, but it's always shocking because you never know when it'll happen.

My Nintendo Wii went on the fritz a week or two ago. Just outta blue. There were no signs, it just happened. One day it was working and then it wasn't. My heart sorta skipped a beat when I first realized that the little LED power indicator was dead. I hoped that it was just the LED that died but I kept pressing the power button and nothing. There's still nothing. Again, I hope it's the adapter. It'd be the shittiest luck if the internals got fried. This house isn't the friendliest toward electronics. It's the current, the electricity, it's so shoddy. I had a feeling that that might be the cause but I began to doubt that more and more. I might not know what happened... I just have to deal. These things happen. Now I have to see if there's anything I can do. Now it's time for the paperwork, the aftermath. I hate the paperwork. But I want my baby back. I don't think it's the end just yet but I know it's not going to be easy to get started again. I guess it never is. *sigh*

DS333, regrouping.

Elephant Blood

2008-05-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine recently sparked a conversation that sparked another I've had in my head for a long time and was almost sure I'd written about before, but apparently I haven't. It has to do with genetic memory. I first became familiar with this phenomenon when I learned of elephant graveyards. Elephants have this uncanny ability to return to the same exact spot that their ancestors finally laid to rest. There are several theories about why this is the case. You could easily argue that it isn't within the blood... but, it's the idea that it could be that's the point. And you start to wonder about what lives in the blood. Alice Walker tapped into this thinking in her novel, Possessing The Secret Of Joy. There's this idea that actual memories can live on through the bloodline. And these memories may shape any number of things. And I wonder about how our blood shapes the way we are as men and women. What sort of legacies are we living out? What's written in our blood? What part of ourselves is the beginning of something new and what's merely the continuation to a story spun long, long ago?

I have to imagine trauma is key to this flow; that an experience has to hit hard to leave any lasting effect for generations to come. And I've wondered what lives in the heart of Native Americans as a whole. What happened to this country and it's people was such a radical and violent shift that I can't help but believe it lives on somewhere: the anger, the rage, the sorrow, the shame, etc. And I'm not speaking of socioeconomic effects, that's much too superficial and physical. The way these things live on is more subversive. And they don't live on through history... through stories and spoken word. It has to do with the blood. I imagine being a part of many legacies that I'm not physically in tune with; that I'm living out parts to stories my mind is oblivious to but that my heart is all too familiar with. It sometimes feels that way... like things are foreign and familiar at the same time and I wonder if all this has something to do with it. These stories, these memories live on a spectral plane. I may never know what I'm a part of... what's choice and what's merely cause & effect?

DS333, vibrating.

001.327.365

2008-05-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a bit obsessed with Björk's The Modern Things. All the modern things have always existed / They've just been waiting / To come out and multiply and take over / It's their turn now
I met this really cool guy at Starbucks who was making paper cuts... they were beautiful. Paper cutting is something I've always wanted to dabble in and that encounter tonight was very inspiring. Who knows... maybe someday.
The next few days are expected to heat up. Joey's not a happy boy. :|
I've had the urge to watch a ton of movies lately... I think I might get to The Matrix tonight. Or maybe The Lord Of The Rings - The Fellowship Of The Ring (Extended Edition). Then again, I have been meaning to watch The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original). *sigh* So many films, not enough time.
I've a Caramel Macchiato chilling in the freezer. I forgot what they tasted like. I think they fuck me up but I can't remember. Let's hope I'm wrong about that.
I need to transcode some DVDs for my iPod touch. Seems like a real intensive process for the computer and I figure my Mac's on its last legs so why not throw everything I can at it before it gives out? It always bothered me that the few movies I do have formatted for my iPod are missing their chapter titles. I hate seeing those generic "Chapter 1, Chapter 2, etc." titles.
I need to upload some files to Pownce... I've been meaning to do so for weeks now. :|
I want a BrightKite invite but I'm too shy to ask the microblogosphere (yes I just coined that one :P ). I hate all these exclusive beta services. :P
What else, what else? I've got nothing... but I'm sure to come up with a dozen things I wanted to say after I post this sucker, that's how it always happens. Oh well.
Goodnight you paper tigers. ;)

DS333, *growl*

Film Fetish: "Speed Racer"

2008-05-13T19:23:00.000-07:00

Speed Racer (2008)
- directed by Andy & Larry Wachowski

Based upon the 1960's American-adapted anime, Speed Racer follows the titular race car driver's struggle to honor and protect his family while attempting to expose the corruption within the corporate racing industry.

If you've been keeping your ear to the ground you've probably heard that Speed Racer is considered a failure in almost every way, certainly critically and financially. I rarely let other people's opinions shape the way in which I experience a film and I care even less about how financially successful it is if it manages to entertain. Well, this film was entertaining for me. Granted it's not the best story... not even the best of the most mediocre but there was enough there to facilitate a blockbuster special effects powerhouse experience. If there's any reason you should see this film it's for the art direction, it's a killer spectacle. It's a hyperreal, pop art wonder fuck. I was blown away by what the film had to offer visually. I also managed to get caught up in the nostalgia of the original series, enough that I found myself at times getting really excited and racked with suspense. I'm probably being more forgiving than I should be but I just didn't hate the experience in the way that the critics at large hoped I would. Once you surrender yourself to the feel of the movie I think it's easy to get lost in the child-like optimism of it all. It's well worth a look if only to marvel at the technical achievements on display... that and the killer reworking of the original Speed Racer soundtrack, I still can't get that orchestral theme out of my head. :P ;)

7/10 There's enough here to rope in any fan of the original series and even if you're not I think there's enough visual mastery on display to shock you into a state of awe and what could be better than that? :P

DS333, in awe.

Film Fetish: "Iron Man"

2008-05-12T18:13:00.000-07:00

Iron Man (2008)
- directed by Jon Favreau

Based upon the Marvel comic book character of the same name, Iron Man is the first film in what is sure to be a wildly successful franchise. At the center of this origin tale is billionaire industrialist and weapons engineer Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.). After suffering a near fatal attack at the hands of terrorists armed with weapons supplied from his own company Stark shifts his focus from a life of overindulgence and superficiality to one of nobility and uses his genius to hunt down his former captors.

Everyone's saying it all over the place so who am I to disagree? Iron Man in the best superhero movie of all-time! I never really jibed with the idea that Tim Burton's Batman (1989) was ever in the running but I did feel that way about Spider-Man (2002) and Batman Begins (2005), though none of those films can hold a candle to Iron Man. The film was so beautifully crafted from top to bottom. I personally can't find any fault with it. Really I don't know what to say other than that, it's that good. What I love most about this film is that it doesn't suffer from the familiar trappings of every other superhero origin tale, quite simply it doesn't drag and it isn't ever boring. In a word the film is just fun. I don't know what more you can ask from a movie like this. The action sequences were perfectly choreographed, the special effects were incredible, the story structure was tight and efficient, the actors were strong and compelling... everything was just perfect. :D It's the type of movie I'd imagine non-geeks/non-comic book fans could fully enjoy.

I'm pretty sure I know why this film hit me the way it did and managed to earn the top superhero spot in my book, save for the reasons I already mentioned. First up, all of these stories have a romance angle... a love interest. Most of the time I'm just not digging it. The relationships always seem so forced and contrived... I'm just not interested. But the dynamic in this one was pitch-perfect because it was so believable. It wasn't heavy-handed and you get the impression that this too is just budding. Too often I think the love story develops too quickly in superhero films... it needs to slow down. I think the one nurtured here was perfectly paced. It might also have to do with the strength of Gwyneth Paltrow, I can't be sure. It's probably a mixture of character and actress. Whatever it is, is just worked. So what would traditionally be considered a flat, "intermission" scene suddenly became as compelling and engaging as every other scene in the movie. It was just brilliant.

I was also never familiar with the Iron Man mythos. I'm almost sure that this origin tale is nothing like that of the comics, but whatever else they managed to stay true or not I wouldn't be able to tell. So there might be this affection for something new and fresh that won me over in the end. It's just interested to see and hear something you've never experienced before.

Lastly, there's the whole tech angle. The film's basically robot porn... and I mean... c'mon! How could you not love that!? :P :D

9/10 I'd venture to give a higher rating save for the extreme guilt I might feel about previous reviews, but I just feel that enthusiastic about this movie... I could watch it over and over again. If you're looking for a great, well-rounded film look no further. ;)

DS333, excited.

001.324.365

2008-05-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Mommy's Day to all. ;)
The days I hate the most? The days I have to walk about as a zombie after only clocking in a couple hours of sleep. My eyelids are getting very heavy. My arms feel light and airy. I don't think I can fight this much longer. (-_-)zzZZZ
Had my first Caramel Frappuccino in a very long while, all thanks to my very generous brother. :D
Tonight's the big night, the Survivor... season finale and reunion!!! :D
Okay I can't do this, nappy nap time. :P
Sweet dreams my fellow zombies. ;)

DS333, the walking dead.

Exposure

2008-05-10T21:24:00.000-07:00

I'm probably the last person who should add any more slabs of meat onto his digital plate but I did just that the other day, I subscribed to the Revision3 vidcast Social Brew. I had the flash, I had the thought that I shouldn't be doing this but I couldn't resist. I need to be tuned in. As much as I would like it, I know I can't be tuned in to everything... so anything that comes my way I tend to latch onto. The sashay is at the crux of the problem, the nature in which things come my way. I feel there's a reason for the way things are, there's a purpose to our consumption. It's something like destiny. I can't turn my back on anything that feels like it needs to be apart of me. The feeling is a whisper... something whose voice grows from coincidence. You see and hear the same things over and over again in the oddest fashions, in the oddest places. It can't be coincidence... there's something there. Maybe it's something you can't see upfront, something you need to study and be patient with. Maybe it's something for someone else. You might have to listen to this whisper so that you can pass it on. You can never be sure where a conversation will lead you, where life will lead you. Maybe you'll have the answer to a question someone's destined to ask you and only you. You need to be prepared. In some ways that what I feel it is, preparation. I'm exposing myself to all these sources in the hope that it'll amount to something. Someday everything will be in its right place. Right now I'm just setting the board and picking up the pieces.

DS333, hoarding.

Just A Few...

2008-05-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

Taking off my shirt before bed and the smell of my body in that tunnel of fabric. All I can think is warm and sweet.
Tightly bound boots and the smell of leather.
In bed, lifting my legs up into the air to tuck the overhang of sheets and comforter under my feet.
A pen with a steady flow of ink.
The loud crackle of ice immersed in warm liquid.
The sound of rapid-fire typing; the clicking and clacking of keys.
The haze and daze of waking up from deep sleep.
The silhouette of power lines, transformers and high tension towers against a sunset sky.
The smell of asphalt after rainfall.
The shocking touch of a cold iPod.
Marathon viewing.
Short blog posts. ;)

DS333, unfinished.

001.321.365

2008-05-09T00:39:00.000-07:00

Wow, post 321... again, I can't believe how close it's getting.
Today was a heavy consumption day.
Lost just keeps getting better, as far as I'm concerned there's no such thing as a shitty Locke, Juliet, Ben or Kate episode... Sayid's pretty much a lock too. Tonight's episode got me so excited... I was envisioning the long body of the series and was awed by it's scope. It's such a grand show and it's shaping up perfectly. I can't wait it see what happens next.
Finished watching ER not too long ago. The season finale is up next week. :( And soon enough it'll be time for the final season ever. Y'know what they say, All good things... (Best title of a series finale episode by the way, courtesy of Star Trek: The Next Generation)
I laughed sooo much today. I wonder if this is how it feels to be insane. :P
Watched Survivor: Fans VS Favorites today... by far the best episode to date. I think the season may be the best season ever in fact. I'm endlessly fascinated by human behavior. I'm so in love with Cirie, she's now reached demigod status in my book. ;) She gives a whole new meaning to the term people person.
Catching up on the final season of Sex And The City. I have a gift certificate to an AMC theatre that I've been holding onto since X-mas. It's very rare for me to go out to the theatre to catch something mainstream, I usually catch indies. So I'd been racking my brain trying to come up with some big blockbuster that I could use the certificate for, a blockbuster I most likely wouldn't be able to wrangle anyone to and I thought Sex And The City: The Movie was the perfect choice. Anyway, at the time the final, sixth season was airing I no longer had access to HBO. :( It's sorta amazing that I haven't gotten around to watching it sooner since it's one of my all-time favorite shows... I just figured I'd own the DVD box set someday, but given that it's so pricey I haven't been able to get my hands on it. So yeah, I couldn't walk into that theatre a practical virgin to the sixth season. I'm seven episodes in and I think I have 13 more to go... I actually had to pull myself away to make this post. :P I'm diving right back in once I finish this sucker. ;)
Been listening to a lot of Björk's Harm Of Will from her 2001 album, Vespertine. I'm obsessed with the Vespertine Live version at the moment. It's what I consider one of my transcendent tunes. It's the most perfect thing on Earth.
Okay, I could prattle on and on but I really wanna get back to my media consumption. :P
Fair thee well my fellow sprites.

DS333, transparent.

A Rant # "Changing The Formula"

2008-05-07T17:11:00.000-07:00

Advance Wars (2001) for Nintendo's Game Boy Advance is one of my all-time favorite games in the universe, alongside it sits its equally impressive sequel, Advance Wars 2: Black Hole Rising. Those two games are as close to perfection as any game developer can hope to attain with their design. At the time of their release the franchise was healthy and strong, they found a winning formula and the future looked bright... and then it all changed. With the release of Nintendo's DS came new titles in the Advance Wars series. Those game suck. Okay, suck might be a bit strong but the new games don't garner the same acclaim as their predecessors did. They changed too much. Since Advance Wars 2... there have been two more Advance Wars titles released under the DS banner, the first made some noticeably minor changes while the second is almost a complete overhaul of the franchise. I won't get too geeky about those changes... most of them are artistic; graphic and narrative. The point is that the developers cocked up something beautiful. They had it! They had it and they pissed it all away with some bonehead moves. And it shouldn't be misconstrued, my anger isn't directed toward change or the idea of change... but toward unnecessary, drastic, fundamental change. If something is working... well you've heard it before, If it ain't broke don't fix it. Well it wasn't and they went ahead and broke it anyway. It's so crushing and disappointing to something so perfect fall apart. Usually it's the things and the people that need to make change that are resistant to it, you don't see it enough... but with the things that don't need to change, well change is the watchword. I wish more people had the awareness to know when they have something great in their hands. It's horrible to see it fall apart.

DS333, lamenting.

Film Fetish: "The Departed"

2008-05-06T19:01:00.000-07:00

The Departed (2006)
- directed by Martin Scorsese

Two cops from opposite sides of the tracks race against time to discover the identity of one other in an intense game of cat & mouse; one a dirty cop working for the local crime lord and the other an entrenched undercover agent working to bring down the crime syndicate from within.

Okay... right off the bat I need to say that I'm probably going to be more harsh than I need to be with this review. Objectively I realize this is a solid film, a good film, but there was something I just didn't like about it. I've come up with a lot of reasons of why this might be and when you add it all together you might get the impression that I didn't like the film but I did. If for nothing else you should at least watch this film for the acting. Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio are at a level I've never seen from them before. And to sweeten the pot further Jack Nicholson's performance trumps theirs by a hundred miles, he commands such power onscreen it's almost incredible.

I feel the greatest thing the film had working against it was the fact that I had seen the film before... in the form of it's original source material, Infernal Affairs (2002). I loved that film. And when you're working with a story like this one I feel a lot of the power lies in the unknown. I was well aware of where things were going before they happened. The story takes a lot of twists and turns that were meant to be exciting and suspenseful but were ultimately lost on me. That's not a failing on the part of the film of course, I had essentially ruined the experience already by watching the original. And in some ways I wish I hadn't because this film has tons of polish and finesse that the original lacks, it also doesn't hurt to have one of the most talented directors of our time helming the project. :P In so many ways this version of the film is the best.

Having said all that it seems petty to go on about all the other things I had a problem with, they're so minute. At the heart of this film lies a great suspenseful and dramatic story, and in the end it's all about the story. Given that it's a big budget Hollywood film directed by one of the greats you can trust that the fit and finish are top notch, there's very little about the technical aspects of the film to bemoan... although I will add that I didn't much care for the editing, I thought it was more than a bit sloppy and rushed. :P Still, all in all a fantastic picture.

7.5/10 Yeah, I know... pretty low score but I have my reasons and it shouldn't affect your decision to see it by very much. This is a great film. If you're in the mood for a solid suspense crime-drama you won't find many films better than this.

DS333, meh.

001.318.365

2008-05-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

Wow, the titles on these Third posts are kinda freaking me out... it's almost over. :|
I've been listening to Björk's Hyperballad (- Post (1995)) quite a lot lately. I love the song so much. I think it perfectly embodies what the Buddhists term joyful participation in the sorrows of the world. It's a beautiful blend of light and dark; at once depressing and uplifting. And the music video is one of those rare pieces that mirrors the soul of the source material. Hands down one of Michel Gondry's best videos.
After listening to John C. Dvorak on No Agenda I've fallen into watching the latest season of the UK version of Kitchen Nightmares, or Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares as it's known across the pond. I've always loved the US version but damn is the UK version so much better. Most importantly it's uncensored. I don't need expletives... I just need honesty. I hate all the hand-holding going on in America, it's really getting bad (actually it's been bad for a very long time but it's getting worse). I hate what passes as natural conversation amongst adults in the media, it's all so fake. We want truth, honesty and authenticity!
The most depressing thing happened yesterday. My local Starbucks failed me. :( My venti zebra was horribly under par. It was bathwater. It was casual sex in the backseat of a car. It just wasn't what it's always been... which is transcendental. No fireworks last night. :| But I find espressos to be much like pizza in this regard, it's always good on some level... I did drink it after all. *shrug*
The latest trailers for The Dark Knight and Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull look pretty kick ass. Oh my god, Cate Blanchett and that accent?... that's my undoing... I don't think I've ever been more attracted to a human being in my life! :P :D
I was enligthened the other day to find out that my favorite TV shows are in fact consultancy shows. There's Kitchen Nightmares, What Not To Wear and Project Runway, all of which are based on experts in their fields judging and mentoring challenged clients. It's only natural I suppose, it's always compelling to watch someone at the top of their game do what they do best. How could I not eat it up?
Ah! Almost forgot... I'm over the moon about my new favorite iPhone/iPod touch web app for Twitter, Hahlo. The user interface is insane! :D I'm in love. There're a few things that could use some tweaking but overall it's pretty killer. It's good enough that it replaced PocketTweets as my go-to Twitter client on Narcissus (my iPod touch), I think that alone speaks quite highly of the app. Also, sweet logo. ;) I'm a whore for good design. :P
Okay I need to go and consume some more media, you go do the same. ;)
Goodnight my fellow digital gluttons. :)

DS333, chomping.

The White Trials

2008-05-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

For the longest time I steered away from wearing white, specifically white pants. I've of course worn white before, I don't have an issue with the color... I'm actually quite fond of it, it's right on par with black (yeah I know it's not technically a color :P). Anyway for as long as I've steered away from the white slacks I've suffered that time ruining the white clothes I did wear. I don't know how it happens... it's just cosmic because I almost always wind up wearing white on the same days that I happen to eat pasta. Pasta sauce is the bane of my existence. :P My lover, my killer. I can't eat pasta and not get something on myself. It's always a crime scene. And now that I've taken to white jeans and slacks my white paranoia has tripled.

I hate the constant maintenance. In a way I do and I don't. I don't care for it right when I slip them on only because they're so fresh and getting them dirty means spoiling them. When they're new, right outta the wash, they're sorta like blank canvases coveted for their purity. And you don't draw on these... they're meant to stay blank. But it only takes time before I stop giving a shit, then I begin to enjoy the mess. I liken the experience to trying to stay cool and dry on a hot Summer day. You do all that you can to avoid the inevitable, burdened by the stress of maintaining order and only find relief when you give up. You let the heat in, the sweat bead and realize it's not the end of the world. Then you kinda enjoy the experience. You want more of it. Granted, I'm not fretting the smudge I noticed a couple of hours ago but that doesn't mean I'm about to jump into any mud puddles. :P I'm just not sweating it as much as I was earlier in the day. It's really about maintaining a neutral position in the war between order and chaos... or at least trying to find a balance between the two. Sometimes you just have to let go. It's not so bad to have a little disorder, a little mess. You gotta let what happens happen. Que sera, sera.

DS333, smudged.

Hookers

2008-05-04T02:03:00.000-07:00

Before this year-long blogging project came to an end I felt it would be wrong to overlook hookers. A blog of my creation would just have to include hookers. Though, now that I come to it I don't know what to say.

I've always been fascinated by the hooker mystique. At the heart of most of my interests lies a strong element of the foreign. Prostitution is so far removed from my experience that I can't help being intrigued by it. And it's important to note that my view isn't tarnished by harsh judgements, it's self-righteousness that keeps us small and limited. It's been said many times before that we're all whores for something. We may not give up our sex but there are sure to be any number of things we trade that we would much rather not to get something we want or need, so who are we to shun our brothers and sisters of the night? That said, I wouldn't exactly consider myself a whore... I just think it important to hold that idea close at hand in times like these when you can so easily slip into a judgemental frame of mind. Then again, you shouldn't have to train yourself to empathize. For me, it's quite natural not to look down on the whores and hustlers, much in the same way it's easy for me to sit down with the addicts and druggies. Some of my very best friends would be considered unseemly, which is ironic since they're some of the best people I've ever known. Stigma's a funny thing that way... it can mean so much to so many people and yet be so meaningless to the few who can see through its farce.

I may have to take this up again at a later time. There's a lot to dig through here and I'm not feeling up to it right now. But I think this is a nice start. ;)

DS333, mulling.

001.315.365

2008-05-02T19:58:00.000-07:00

Laundry day today. It was a nightmare having to suffer these incredibly disobedient children running about. Apparently good parents... scratch that, apparently halfway decent parents are hard to come by these days.
Battlestar Galactica is two hours away! :D
I don't know exactly when, but I should be seeing Iron Man sometime this weekend or in the coming week. Super psyched! :D
This week's episode of Lost was somewhat lackluster but it looks like next week's episode is gonna be killer! :D
Been working on completing All Star with all characters on Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I'm almost there. I need to complete all those challenges! :P
This warm weather's making me sleepy. (-_-)zzZZZ
This is just a nightmare / Soon I'm gonna wake up. I can't get that verse outta my head. It's from 4 Minute Warning by Radiohead on the bonus disc of In Rainbows (2007). By far the best track on the bonus disc. :D
Heading out kiddos. ;)
...Soon we're gonna wake up.

DS333, in dream.

Memory... "Days Of Being Wild"

2008-05-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

I remember a time before time, or rather, I remember a time before the concept of time. I was very young but not so young that I could not grasp the progression of days. The Sun rose and the Sun set, I awoke and I slept. I had a simple understanding of this synchronization but very little of much else. I can't remember being able to wrap my head around minutes and hours, much less weeks and months.

I had a question, of what, I can't remember. Maybe it was about my birthday, maybe Christmas. I wondered when this day would come. It was on the horizon and I was consumed with the excitement of anticipation. I couldn't wait and I had to know when I could stop. I asked my older brother and he swung the hammer. My world shattered when I first began to internalize what a calendar was.

I remember very clearly the boxes. Perfect lines, ordered and closed. It was so foreign to me to encapsulate the days of my youth in these boxes. This is what days are? Blank white boxes, all numbered and lined? In a lot of ways it was offensive, repulsive even. It just never made sense. I was taking it in but I couldn't fully grasp it yet... but still I could feel it slipping away. There was this tension, this tear, this pull between the past and the future. In a sense I could feel myself slipping away, in the same sense that illuminations and traumas are like deaths and rebirths.

I was forever changed by the concept of time. Before there was nothing and everything, then it all started closing in. It was as though my mind and my experience were running wild and free and then the calendar came. I don't think it's a simple coincidence that they look like nets and cages because that's what it felt like, like I was being reined in and caged. But I still have the memory of what it felt like before, the bliss of that ignorance. To have lost the memory would have been the greatest crime because it's the one thing blocking the onset of the prime Stockholm syndrome. I still have it and it's still within me. So here's to holding on, and to breathing new life into the spirit of the days of being wild.

DS333, devout.

Film Fetish: "Breach"

2008-04-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

Breach (2007)
- directed by Billy Ray

Based on a true story, Breach recounts computer specialist and support employee of the FBI, Eric O'Neill's (Ryan Phillippe) pursuit of special agent status within the bureau. His normal duties are put on the back burner when he is reassigned to track the movements of his new boss, special agent Robert Hanssen (Chris Cooper).

Wow, what a great film. It's one of those movies I was meaning to get around to "sometime", but didn't until I heard an interview with Phillippe on The Howard Stern Show earlier this month. I kept hearing about how great it was, how strong it was, that I couldn't resist. It definitely lived up to the grand expectations.

The film's basically a tale of espionage with heavy themes of deception and human behavior. It was right up my alley. Funny thing about the structure of the tale is that the ending is revealed at the beginning, which I think is a very ballsy move and speaks quite highly of the technical ability of the writer's to maintain a great sense of tension throughout the rest of the film. Knowing the ending doesn't spoil the story whatsoever, which is great to know since the headline is a memorable one. I remember this story and I imagine like others I just wasn't aware of the details. The Devil's in the details, this movie is all about subtlety and nuance. The story is gripping and tense. It's hard to pull yourself away at times. Intense is the watchword with this film. I just couldn't recommend this movie highly enough if you're in the mood for a great suspense drama loaded with strong acting talent.

8.5/10 One of the best tales of espionage I've ever seen.

DS333, pleased as punch.

001.312.365

2008-04-29T21:11:00.000-07:00

Finally, a bit of relief from the heat of the Sun. :)
Just finished watching Law & Order: SVU, perhaps my favorite version of L&O. Nothing strikes a chord with me like salaciousness and sensationalism. :P By the way, Robin Williams' performance on tonight's episode was amazing. He's a real knack for the creepy criminal.
For whatever reason certain light fixtures in the house aren't working properly. Here's hoping the landlord will get everything in working order tomorrow. Though, this situation has afforded me the opportunity to give my ninja skills a go. Lacking vision you'd be amazed at how many actions you can perform by rote.
I've said it before recently, but I just have to say again how odd it is that my mind's been flashing the most obscure memories... mostly dreams. Out of nowhere, in the middle of a thought, a memory of a place I've conjured up in dream will take over my mind. The two are totally unrelated, at least to my eye. I always wonder if there is a reason for things like this. A simple series of misfires? Is there an intent? I don't know... I'm just bowled over by the fact that if it wasn't for these misfires these places would be totally forgotten. I'd forgotten these places, these dreams. They were lost, but now found. Maybe these flashes are death throes? One last attempt for them to be heard, to be remembered?
I finally downloaded, tagged and imported all the Radiohead covers Christopher O'Riley offers on his website. I'm such a nut about proper tags so it took a while to get everything in order, luckily for me his posts are quite detailed. :D Anyway, he's an amazing musician. He's a pianist with a real talent for killer arrangements. I think I'm in love. :P I can't wait to pick up his Radiohead cover albums. I've seen them before but never had the opportunity to sample his work... now I know they're definite must-buys.
Damn, I know there was more that I wanted to say but I've lost the thread. I hate when this happens.
I guess I should end it here... since I'm blanking.
See ya later strangers.

DS333, in dream.

Nexus Redux

2008-04-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

The last time I spoke of the Nexus, as I was about to get to the heart of the matter, I said that the thought belonged to another time. That time is now. I guess it's been on my mind since I've been doing a lot of sketching lately. When I'm really stoking the creative fire I always feel a great sense of appreciation. I'm grateful for a lot of things. For one, I'm glad I still have the use of my hands. I had the thought the other day... how remarkable it is that more people's limbs aren't disfigured or dismembered? I'm always paranoid about losing my hands or something happening to them. It's natural I suppose and having the thought always fills me with gratitude. I'm also thankful of the fact that I can do what I do and have it make me feel the way it does. I wonder if everyone has this thing. Some one thing that makes everything feel right. It's always there and I'm appreciative of that.

I've done it many times before so I know I can create in what is essentially a vacuum. Though vacuums, in this sense, is a relative concept. We're never quite removed from everything. This world to me is just one massive nexus, a confluence of influence. Everything seems to be moved by current. Everything is a reflection. The world's a sea, a storm, a vortex, a melting pot, etc. It's impossible not to be touched or influenced by something, it's just a reality of being. So I realize there's no true vacuum in which to work in. But it is possible to pare down your environment of distractions. I've been able to create within a private setting. Sometimes it's needed. Most of the time though, I find the need to be out there... in the wild. When it comes to creation I feel the need to be public more than I feel the need to be private. It's just a natural instinct. In this instance I liken the creative process to sex. I'm not making a distinction between sex in public to sex in private, rather, masturbation to sex. It's just more... well... y'know. ;) I need an audience, I need a partner, I need a muse, I need whatever it is that people provide me when I create in public.

I've mentioned before going out to Jamba Juice, The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and Starbucks. The one thing they have in common is the atmosphere of brewing, it's what they do. They all make drinks and there's something about that. It's never one specific thing... they're a whole host of concoctions at the ready upon your request. The place serves to create whatever it is you desire or crave at that exact moment. It's always changing and adapting. I'll go there sometimes with the idea of what I want and then see something, hear something or smell something that'll change everything. It's always brewing, always in flux. The nature of those places and places like it, I'm drawn to. If I were a drinker I suppose I'd like bars even better but I'm not, which is quite fortunate considering what shitty lighting I'd have to work with in those places. :P

I find too, that these places have the air of train stations and airports. They're hubs of activity. People are always coming and going. Sure people aren't arriving or leaving these places with quite the same poignancy but that's not to say that they can't be centers of emotion. That's the main reason I seek these places out. There's something in the air about a coffee shop, more than the scent of freshly ground beans. It's all beginnings. It always feels new and there's this sense that anything can happen given the right mix. I'm feeding off all of this energy when I place myself in the center of it. Business deals are being struck. Students are studying to ace that exam. Blind dates are meeting for the first time. Old friends are catching up. Young lovers are winding down the day. It goes on and on. There's always something happening and it's always different... the same, but different. The same stories are being played out with new characters. It's inspiring.

I've a mind for moments and memories but my mind's not a steel trap. I'd very much like to hold onto everything that comes my way but that's just not a reality. It's not necessarily important that I hold onto these moments but they seem very special. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to what my mind decides to harbor. Lacking that degree of control, I include all those people and those moments in my work. I sometimes look at my sketches as a written history. In every line, every stroke, there's a story. What the stories are I've lost, but having them here in some form comforts me. It all helps to strengthen this idea of influence and connection. I think of all this as a collaboration, one that I'm most grateful for. Everything and everyone is sparking off one another. I'm just fascinated by that idea... that sense of connection and spontaneity. I never know who I'm going to meet or what I'm going to see but I know it'll stoke the fire. It'll become something. All of this will come to some end, what it is I never know, but the fun comes in seeking it out. It does end... quite beautifully. There's always the excitement of imagining what it'll be or how it'll turn out... but like many of the best things it's never quite what you imagine.

DS333, sparking.

The Shape Of Things To Come

2008-04-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, I stole today's title from the latest episode of Lost. :P How fucking awesome was that episode!? Anyway, back to the post. ;) Since we're coming down to the wire I've been thinking a lot about the Final posts. I've been thinking about things I've been meaning to say but haven't and the things I have said that were unclear. I want to go back, I want to review. The idea really sparked when I made a recent link to a past post which I hadn't read since I first written it. Turns out I had a different idea of what was laid down. I realized I didn't even get to the heart of the matter. I didn't say what I really wanted to say. It seemed like a crime to me. So in the interest of being a good and upstanding citizen I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to comb through my past posts to see if everything made it home, so to speak. I don't expect to find many offenses. The last thing I want to do is warp a situation so that I can recycle material. All I plan to do is search for anything that might be missing. I think, now that we come to the end, it would be nice to tie up loose ends. ;)

DS333, the tailor.

001.309.365

2008-04-27T02:42:00.000-07:00

Bloggy bloggy time. ;)
The last few posts have been kinda hard for me. I find that this blogging project has really drawn out a manic streak. Some days I'm the most enthusiastic blogger on Earth and other days there's nothing I want to do more than delete every post I've ever written and drive this keyboard through the monitor. :P It's a bit extreme, I know, but it's true. Right now I'm on an upswing, thankfully.
My brother came over today. We wasted most of the day ragging on VH1's 100 Greatest Songs Of The 80's. I guess you could say I was a child of the 80's since I was born in the decade but it wasn't apart of my teen scene so I never had the opportunity to embrace it fully. I was, of course, aware of most of the tunes but I'd forgotten or just never seen most of their music videos... wild, all of it! :P ;)
Found a cool show on A&E called Parking Wars. It's basically a reality show that follows the Philadelphia Parking Authority on patrol. Apparently I relish in the sight of cars being ticketed, towed and booted. :P Mostly I just love to see people lose control. You'd be amazed at the indignation of people who are clearly in the wrong. So entertaining. ;)
While watching VH1 today I found out that they're going to air a Radiohead... not concert exactly, but I guess a music special. I'll have to look it up when I'm done: Radiohead Coming To You From The Basement.
Happened upon this great little show on the Game Show Network called Chain Reaction that sorta modeled after the Before & After puzzles on Wheel Of Fortune. It's the first time I saw the show but I can already tell I'll try to catch it whenever I can. As a plus, the show's host is pretty hot. :P
I watched a lot of TV today, which was unusual. It's been a long while since traditional media has managed to wrest my attention from new media, i.e. the Net. Nice change of pace. I missed my old friend. ;)
So hot today. The bitch is that it's supposed to be even hotter tomorrow. *sigh*
That's it, I'm out. ;)
One last thing, men with plastic surgery are the saddest things on Earth.

DS333, cooling.

The Art - "The World Tree"

2008-04-26T02:51:00.000-07:00

The World Tree

approximately 8 1/2" x 6 1/4"; ink on paper.

This is the twelfth piece in my 70-part David's Book (AKA The Blue Book) project.

This is one of those pieces that absolutely validates my use of the term sketch. There's a lot here that I was playing around with that I hope to revisit in the future. It exists now as a road marker, a pretty clear one at that. I have the idea of where I wanted to go, unfortunately I wasn't able to get there with this effort... close, but not quite.

Obviously I was experimenting with symmetry. I had this idea of the underworld existing much like our own. I thought I would mirror the anatomy of a tree to flesh the thought out. I fantasized of a world where people choked instead of breathed; dirt instead of air. Instead of getting lost in the rhythmic sway of branches in the breeze there is a place where people get lost in the stillness of roots encased in earth. Dirt for air and roots for branches, a world turned on its head... where people no longer mistake substance for emptiness.

I also wanted to develop this idea of the seed as source. I'd been thinking of trees as vessels. I'd envisioned a world within each trunk where the seed took the place of the Sun. I wonder what it is that sparks life and where it goes. Even tracking the ghost of that spark I felt was a meaningful endeavor. What becomes of the seed? Of it's casing? Where does it end up? How does it morph? What remains? I kept envisioning lines... strata, a smear of the original line. The written word or the drawn line taken and smeared... stretched and structuring something new, creating a new word, a new line, a new thought and so a new world.

Anyway, I'm about to get lost in thought... which means I'm precariously dancing about a pool of incoherence. Some things are better left unsaid... and if they're attempted to be spoken, or written, they should be done so lucidly. I'm about to lose my mind. ;)

Fair thee well my fellow acorns. :)

DS333, breathing and choking.

Film Fetish: "Hannibal Rising"

2008-04-24T06:36:00.000-07:00

Hannibal Rising (2007)
- directed by Peter Webber

The origin of The Silence Of The Lambs' cannibalistic sociopath, Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

If you haven't seen The Silence Of The Lambs, where have you been? It's one of the greatest films of all time. It's the film I credit sparking my serious interest in film. Before that film I can't remember film being anything more than passing entertainment, nothing truly long-lasting, fulfilling or enriching. It totally changed my perception of the medium. Though, I was ripe for the change. If it wasn't that film, it would've been another; Right time, right place... it just happened to be my first.

So The Silence Of The Lambs holds a special place in my heart. There's so much I love about that film, too much to go into now. Like most of the world I fell in love with the film's villain, Dr. Hannibal Lecter. My interest in behavioral science, pathology and sociopathy certainly fueled that fire. There are few fictional characters I feel are as compelling as the good doctor.

Anyway, I've been watching The Silence Of The Lambs recently. I've just been in the mood for that type of thing, for that character. I'd seen the entire series, ...Lambs along with Hannibal and Red Dragon, but I never got around to Hannibal Rising. Unfortunately I didn't catch it in the theatre. Maybe it's more appropriate to say that it's unfortunate that I didn't make the effort to see it in a theatre. Based on the trailers I had the impression it wouldn't stand firm amongst the rest of the films, and in some ways I guess I was right. I'd heard the criticism beforehand, that the film failed the character by humanizing him, that the story stripped away that air of mystery and the supernatural that surrounded Lecter. There was the idea that by explaining the character you were neutering him, making him less threatening and less terrifying. Though, I think any attempt at an origin tale would've been met with the same harsh criticism. I actually found the criticism quite funny, even before I saw the film, kind of a sign of the times... that making a human of this monster would be less horrifying? How 'bout that?

There was this one thread floating about, that this film could've totally been stripped of the Lecter mythos and stood on its own as a pretty standard suspense/horror film. I'm very much in line with this thinking. The film was mediocre at best and in the rare moments it was able to transcend that feeling, it was due to allusions to the existing series. It's a funny thing, the film managed to do nothing... it neither tarnished nor polished my view of the character or the series. I think it had a lot to do with wresting the role from Anthony Hopkins hands, I really never felt I was watching Lecter on-screen. The film itself also exists in another time and in another place that seem absolutely divorced from the world that my Lecter lives in. I'm able to reconcile my disappointments. Then again, I wasn't really disappointed. It's so easy for me to have this film exist in its own space that I don't feel it failed to deliver. It almost feels like it doesn't have to exist?

Anyway, I'm just rambling. I was in the mood and dying for closure so the film managed to deliver in that way. I just needed to watch it to watch it, I needed nothing more. As films go, it wasn't the worst. I enjoyed myself, but if I wasn't craving it... well it's hard to say if I would've enjoyed it in that instance. Like I said, it was pretty mediocre... but that doesn't make it bad. *shrug*

6/10 A must for any Hannibal Lecter aficionado or anyone with a penchant for the macabre and violent. ;)

DS333, meh.

001.306.365

2008-04-23T22:46:00.000-07:00

Watched all the supplementary material on the No Country For Old Men DVD. I love supplements. :D
Stopped by the local video store to pick up some DVDs. Rented Hannibal Rising (Unrated), Breach and The Departed. :D
Finished watching Hannibal Rising, I think I might squeeze in Breach later tonight. :D
Need to remember to catch the latest South Park at midnight since I missed the 10 p.m. airing.
Almost caught up with all my Howard Stern material. I'm about a day behind.
I've been having very vivid dreams about things I can take into this world. Things like numbers, names and words. I had a dream like this last night. I remember reading an entire paragraph, but the words are all lost to me. I've only the first line within my grasp and the memory is very vague. I've a few things from past dreams with me. I wish there were a way to hold onto them longer, long enough for me to transcribe these things. I've the feeling they're of great importance to me.
Lately I've been consumed with personal blogs and vlogs. Most vlogs via YouTube. I'm amazed at how open some people choose to be online. I always get the feeling that I'm privy to something special. I've the feeling that I'm listening to things meant for other people. The urge to share is there, but people don't direct their thoughts in the right direction.
I'm especially chatty today... but only in my mind. :P I should head out now.

DS333, consuming.

Electric Sheep

2008-04-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

Aside from giving me the ability to torrent, the thing I love about Transmission is all of statistical data it outputs. I could spend the rest of my days staring at those numbers flow by. It's more than just watching the download and upload speeds, that comes standard with most Net apps. It's the unique technology of torrenting that fascinates me so. I'm drawn to the spontaneity of the torrent cloud. How many leechers am I connected to? How much data am I seeding to each one? How far along are their transfers? What's the estimated time of delivery? There are so many variables and so many numbers to reflect that. So many rates and ratios. I love meditating on how they all relate to one another. I even make a game of pitting my calculations of completion against those of the program, I imagine it's a lot like predicting weather patterns.

At it's core it's just soothing to me. Staring at the numbers is like listening to the beat of a metronome. It's constant and that comforts me. It's constant yet ever-changing, that comforts me more. In a way, all of these programs that relay this sort of information about the inner workings of their machinations are a lot like watches. Staring at the numbers is a lot like getting lost in the spin of wheels and cogs. On the surface, the way these things work is almost magical. It's all point & click. We don't really grasp what's going on... what's happening. I still don't, but the numbers hint at their greater wonder. It's always at work. Working with and against the change of things. Speeding up and slowing down. Shrinking and growing. Keeping things in balance. We don't usually notice that sort of thing until we absolutely need to, even then I think the awe is lost on most people. I'm constantly amazed at how efficient it is amid a sea of chaos. It's something to aspire to.

Mostly though, I don't think too much about it... any of it, when I stare at the numbers, I just stare... to stare. Really I don't know what's happening when I stare at them. I usually don't think too much about any of the things I blog about until I actually sit down and get to typing it all out. Everything's sorta fragmentary. It's something totally different to exist within the mind and then without. It is what it is. I don't know why it is. It makes perfect sense when I don't have to speak about it. I just know I love the feeling. My version of paradise is littered with tickers and scrawls, constant and ever-changing, displaying information about the minutiae of everyday life. It's one of those things that I've always loved about The Matrix. There's something there, this idea of code living in and being of the world but only understood by the coders. It speaks of the transcendent. Worlds within worlds. Layers upon layers. The meaning of meanings. Secrets and lies. Doors and windows.

It's just comforting to have it there... to know it's there. Every day... every night at stare at those numbers like one would count sheep and the numbers lull me to my sleep.

DS333, analyzing.

White Space

2008-04-21T20:25:00.000-07:00

It's happening again. Writer's block. As I've said before, I think blocks of this kind are born out of a lack of will. Where there's a will, there's a way. But I'm not feeling that sentiment tonight. I do want to write but nothing's coming. Maybe the problem is that I've been stockpiling ideas for the past few weeks now? Maybe I want to hold onto them because I fear nothing else will come after? I guess that's my insecurity showing. Mostly I think I just don't want to get into any of it. I mean, I know I don't. It takes time, it takes thought, it takes effort. I never know where it's gonna end but I always have a good idea of how large it will be and the things I've been saving are pretty huge... in my mind, at least.

Whenever I used to feel this way I'd go to the bathroom. Not literally... well, yes literally... I just mean I wouldn't use the bathroom. Who was it? Archimedes, that's it. He had the right idea all along. It's the bathroom, the restroom, it's those places where the best ideas spring. It's always been a tried and true method for conjuring up inspiration. In high school, whenever I had an essay to write it was always in the bathroom that I'd come up with my theses, openers and closers... those things that structured the whole. I don't know exactly what it was about that space. Was it the color of the walls and tile? I think it was the lack of sound and the echo. It was also the nature of the space; private. It was a sort of void. I keep talking of the past 'cause I don't use the trick all that much... or I try not to anyway. Ever since I pinpointed the magic of that space I wanted to draw it out into the open, because I feel that everything is a state of mind and so I didn't need the space... it's not about the physical space. The physical space is a... marker. Or maybe it's more of a rune, a sort of conduit. It merely facilitates that journey to the other. All of it was about privacy, silence and vacancy. It's an easy thing to achieve once you know it's what you want... you can even get there in a noisy, crowded space.

Still I like bathrooms, I still use them in that way. It just happens. It's intrinsic to that space. You can't help but think in there. I've played around with the idea of what it must be like to live in a space completely modeled after a bathroom. White tiles and huge, empty spaces. No appliances. But lots of plumbing. I'm convinced water is apart of the magic as well. I love the sound of running water. It's an intriguing idea because it's so foreign. I think... I'm always living in that space in my head. I'm always thinking, I'm always in that private space. So I wonder what it must be like to always be in that space, physically. To be in that space both physically and mentally, all the time. Would someone go mad there? What would come of it? What would one create in that crucible? I don't know, but I like thinking about it.

DS333, managing.

001.303.365

2008-04-20T22:26:00.001-07:00

Most of the day was all about the visit to my brother and sister's place in Pasadena, they planned a great luncheon for the extended family. I'm not really one to socialize with new people, but what little I managed to participate in I really enjoyed. I've such a great family. I love days like these.
Been committing the last few days to unlocking all the little nooks and crannies in Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
I've been in a real film kick recently. Been watching old faves like Se7en and The Silence Of The Lambs. I think I might go for something a little more light and fluffy tonight like The Transporter. Jason Statham, yum. ;)
I'm so behind on my Howard Stern Show consumption. This past week's worth of show totaled somewhere near 40 hours worth of content! I've only gotten through about 30. :| But this is a good thing... means I've got lots of laughs to look forward to... it just sucks that I won't get to Monday's show until Tuesday or so. :|
Okay, that's enough of me. ;)
Goodnight folks.

DS333, consuming.

Latest Love <3 "Streaming Media"

2008-04-19T21:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so streaming media is certainly nothing new, at least not to me. In some ways I guess you could say it's an old love. Actually, I played around with the idea of an Old Love feature for this blog but it came about after I made the decision to keep things as they were. I guess Old Loves are something I'll save for version 2.0 of this little project. Anyway, even though streaming media is an old love, the variant I'm speaking of is a new one. I'm talking about streaming content provided directly from TV networks. Normally I would love to use this opportunity to trash big media and their ignorance of the Net and it's consumers, but this post is all about Love and that's all I'm gonna reserve it for. ;)

It's hard to tell what I heard about first... but I'm just gonna say it was the FOX deal. I was listening to an episode of The Dawn And Drew Show and heard Dawn extolling the wonders of the FOX On Demand flash player. She was in the same spot that I found myself in recently. She'd missed a few episodes of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares and navigated herself to the FOX site and caught up on the season right from the comfort of her browser, for free! I missed this past week's Hell's Kitchen and did the same. It was so easy. As easy as navigating to YouTube and watching a cat play the piano. I didn't have to subscribe to anything and the few commercial interruptions I encountered lasted no longer than 30 seconds as opposed to the four minutes or so I would've had to endure on network TV. It was beautiful.

Unlike FOX's site, I did have to subscribe to Hulu. The subscription process was no more cumbersome than any other subscription on the Net, it was pretty fast and simple. Initially, at least when I heard of Hulu, it was largely an NBC endeavor that resulted from a falling out with Apple and their iTunes Store contract. Now it appears there are several media giants' content you can stream. I even hear you can watch full-length feature films from the site, and like the rest of their content, for free! Pretty snazzy. But I've only taken a shot at streaming NBC's ER. I missed a few episodes this year and I used Hulu to catch up. It was a dream. So easy, so simple. In fact, I even forgot about this past Thursday's episode but didn't fret about it one bit since I knew Hulu would have my back. It's so great to have that safety net. In the past I would've had to torrent the show, and as much as I'm a proponent of torrenting I realize it's not without it's faults. There's always the worry about there not being a torrent out there at all, and if it is maybe the tracker site is down. Even still, if you're lucky enough to get your hands on the torrent you then have to worry about how healthy the seeding cloud is. Downloading your file could take minutes, hours or worse yet, days. It's so unpredictable, the entire process. The great thing about these streaming alternatives is having some degree of certainty.

Lastly there's South Park Studios, which obviously streams episodes of South Park... every episode of South Park! It's pretty awesome. Again, all streaming, all free and no subscriptions. The only down-side is an upload lag for new shows due to a contractual agreement with Comedy Central. :| But I suppose it's understandable. I've actually never used the site to the extent that I've used the others, because of that upload lag... but I hear it's great. I just like the idea that this option is out there, all of these options. It's quite spectacular when you think about it.

Okay, I suppose that's it for me. Appropriately enough I'm gonna jump onto Hulu and catch the lastest episode of ER. :P Now go my fellow gluttons, consume! ;)

DS333, *nom nom nom*.

Film Fetish: "My Blueberry Nights"

2008-04-18T20:56:00.000-07:00

My Blueberry Nights (2007)
- directed by Wong Kar Wai

After a traumatic break-up a young woman treks across America in search of answers and change, along the way she meets a host of characters looking for the same.

I'm a huge Wong Kar Wai fan, which makes reviewing this film a dicey situation. I say that because I'd like to be as unbiased as possible, but that's almost impossible in this instance. It's hard to separate myself and my experiences with his past work in relation to this film. I've been trying my best to take me out of myself for this one, if only for a moment. If I had to, I guess I'd have to say it's not a great film. It might seem very sporadic, or maybe messy? Clunky and chaotic? Something along those lines. Like some of Kar Wai's past films the story's structured in an episodic fashion. A lot of the story unfolds as a montage of images and sound, making it difficult to create any deep connections with any of the characters.

Having said all that, I do feel it's a great film. It really just depends on your history with Kar Wai's work I suppose. I'm still unsure whether or not the average moviegoer would enjoy the experience because that's not how I came in contact with the film, and so I can never have that perspective. I can only make a guess. I would hope people would enjoy it. There's a lot here for a fan of his work to enjoy, plenty of allusions and references. They're the sort of things that make the story pop. They help to make connections to people and situations you might not otherwise. Then again, I feel most of Kar Wai's films are layered with archetypes. It's almost unnecessary to linger on any one story if you've seen the story play out before... in another film, another story, another song, etc. There's still something to be had, something to connect with. I just think the experience would be more enriching if you were to work off a symbology developed by the artist in the past.

As a fan, I was very much satisfied. It really tied together and worked off the Days Of Being Wild, In The Mood For Love and 2046 "trilogy". I felt some sense of closure to that arc. It was also one of Kar Wai's more uplifting stories of romance. It was hopeful. All in all, one of the best love stories. ;)

8/10 What I believe to be a very strong romance. Something to be enjoyed if you're in the mood for love. ;)

DS333, pleased as punch.

p.s. I didn't go into the technicalities of the film because I think they're pretty self-evident given that it's a Kar Wai film. Great everything. I know there's been much said about Norah Jones' acting but I think it was good... not great, but I wouldn't chuck any tomatoes at her. Jude Law, Rachel Weisz, David Strathairn and Natalie Portman deliver stellar performances. I was worried, given that this was WKW's first english-speaking film set in a non-Asian setting, but those fears were allayed. The soundtrack was as great as any other. Despite breaking ties with his longtime Director of Photography, the cinematography was breathtaking. It was just great, top to bottom. :D

001.300.365

2008-04-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

Oh shit, post number 300 already!? It's going to end soon. :( I guess I better really crack down and post the things I've always been meaning to.
One of my favorite drinks on the planet? Martinelli's Apple Juice on the rocks. :P I'm not a drinker but I really love that phrase, on the rocks. The whole liquor vibe makes me think of bars and then I think of people's relationships being on the rocks... I think of people drowning their sorrows in a bar. And I think of cliffs and the ocean and it's the saddest thing ever.
I've never seen GoogleReader get this high. I've racked up 451 new items. *sigh*
I still haven't managed to get my plants growing again. It's something I certainly expect to get to in the next 65 days. This time around I'm gonna document it. :)
It got hot all of a sudden. In the last hour or so. Kinda sucks, it's been so nice lately.
Christ, I got next month's GQ already. I only just got April's issue a week or two ago. I'm sooo behind on them. :P :(
My left wrist started acting up this morning. I think I slept on it or something. But the pain feels more deep, more sharp than dull. Whenever something happens to my wrists my paranoia goes into hyperdrive, so I've pretty much convinced myself that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. :P God, I hope I don't.
I realized today that I could watch Jeopardy! for hours on end. I don't know most of the answers... or should I say questions? But I still enjoy it. And boy am I ever so excited when I do know the answers/questions. ;) Kinda lame. :P
I kick ass at Wheel Of Fortune. Just so you know. ;)
I'm doing everything I can to make sure my back doesn't touch the chair. I don't want sweaty back. :| I feel like a dignitary.
I think I should sign out.

DS333, blanking.

Hello Stranger

2008-04-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

So I took a walk today, as I normally do. I used to live in the city over and so I walk there from time to time, it's a familiar place. I don't walk too deep in the city since my starting points are different now. Taking my old route seems like a bit much, but I was in a walking mood so I went a little further than usual.

First I met up with this crazy chick on a bike. She came up from behind me and was saying something. I could tell I was being talked at, or maybe yelled at? But I couldn't make out anything that was said, not with my Etymotics in place. They seal out most every noise except the music. I suppose it's a bit dangerous, but I'm very careful about where I'm going and what's around me. Still, a runaway car or a swift pipe to the head have a much greater chance of making contact more covertly than they ever did before. I think this chick was angry with me for some reason. I believe she was demented. Homeless for sure. I've a soft spot in my heart for this sort. I always wonder if there's some profound wisdom we can glean from their insane rambling if we just take the time to listen. Most everyone seems to ignore the homeless in this way. They not only want to avoid their path, but they don't even want to look... and the one thing that can get through, their voices, they still manage to block out. They're heard but not listened to. I made sure to remove my earphones, but it was too late. By the time I got them out she was already gone. I wonder what she had to say...

When I was walking my old beat I passed this tree. I walked passed it without paying much mind to it, it was only on my way back home that I got a real good look at it and then my mind was flooded. This tree grows on the sidewalk. I couldn't tell you what kind of tree it is, I'm not good at that sort of thing. When I lived in that city I used to walk past it all the time. The funny thing about it was that there was this tiny nook where the two main branches of the tree diverged and created a little pocket of shelf of sorts. Each day I'd walk there I would find a toy there waiting for me. I was always amazed at how late in the day I'd walk past it and still find the toy there waiting for me. No one had ever picked them up, never stole them. I never took them either. I only just picked them up and smiled. They were the oddest things. Plastic baubles and stuffed dolls. I wonder where they came from. Not just who they came from, but where it was this stranger found them. Why place them there in the first place? I think it was for the smiles. It always made me smile. Who were they for? I wondered if I was the only one who knew of this secret. I never found out who this secret Santa was. But I guess he's gone. I walked there today and found the tree empty. Did they leave when I left? I wonder where he or she is now. For a second I played around with the idea of becoming them, taking up the torch so to speak. But I wouldn't really know how to go about it. It's a rare talent to make people smile day after day without a hitch. I don't know that I could manage. But I would like to try...

DS333, smiles.

Truddi Chase

2008-04-15T18:10:00.000-07:00

I first learned of Truddi Chase when I got my hands on my Mom's copy of The Oprah Winfrey Show DVD box set. She was profiled in a section of the set called Heart Prints. For Oprah, a Heart Print refers to those people and memories that leave the greatest lasting impressions. People that change who you are and your view of the world. There were several people and moments showcased in the set, certainly all touching and poignant, but none of them struck me in quite the same way that Truddi Chase did. I've only the memory of those few minutes on-screen... and yet I find myself thinking of her quite a lot. At least, I think of her more than I do any other person I've encountered in this way. Her story, what little I know of it, is one of the most compelling I've ever heard.

Truddi Chase is the author of When Rabbit Howls, which may be the first autobiographical account of Multiple Personality Disorder. The title of her book, and her explanation of it is one of the most haunting memories I have. I carry in my mind the sound of rabbits howling, what I imagine that is and what it really means. She explained that rabbits have no vocal chords and so don't have the ability to make sounds... except in moments of the most extreme, intense pain. That image has lingered in my head ever since. I've the image of their softness in my mind, their innocence and harmlessness. It's juxtaposed with the harsh reality of violence. There's the stark contrast of red, wet blood covering once white, dry fur. I see sharp, black, hard claws tearing away at soft, pink flesh. I wonder what it's like never making a sound, living a life of silence... and then, finally, singing a dark and deadly tune. I wonder how jolting and jarring it must be to hear your own death cry, inside your own head, your own body in a way you've never heard anything before because it's coming deep within.

Truddi's break was triggered by years of emotional, mental, sexual and physical abuse at the hands of her parents. The splitting of her mind hid the memories. They were hidden but not lost. Her other selves hold pieces of her trauma. She's been able to recover what she lost. She tells of the process of dredging up these memories in group therapy. She says it's there that you can hear the rabbit howl. She says, when recalling their memories, when they're living the memory, victims make the same sound... an unnatural, unsettling whining and howling. Thinking of it... imaging the sound makes me want to break. When I think of Truddi Chase I'm overcome with many thoughts and feelings. Mostly I want to hold her, and those like her. I want to protect them. They've been to places my mind can't follow. They've lived horrors I never will. At the root of it all, I just want it to stop... and then I think how the silence of rabbits must be like the silence of lambs. That silence is something we can all hope for.

I'm not a naive person. I understand this is the way it must be. It's a mixture of the ugly and the beautiful, it's just the way of the world. This place is a marriage of light and dark. I'm not saying that I don't want to live in it or that I can't live with the dark but it just seems to me that things are askew. There seems to be more pain than pleasure in the world, more sorrow than bliss. I just want balance. Any healthy marriage should be an equal partnership and it feels like we're being dominated. Not in a perfect world, just a balanced and healthy world, rabbits wouldn't howl. It doesn't need to be perfect, just balanced.

As unnatural as it all seems to me, I'm still hopeful. I'm inspired by the strength of Truddi Chase. I think the idea floats around that people with disorders are weak. Well if that happened to me, I wouldn't break. Or maybe people don't even have to go that far, Well that happens to other people all the time and they don't break. I'm amazed at the ignorance of people, their inability to recognize our wide and various differences... you'd think they would given how much they use them to separate and attack each other. No one's ever been through what Truddi Chase has been through. No one's even been through what I've been through, or what you've been through... by virtue of the fact that Truddi is Truddi, I'm me and you're you. We can't live the same moments. Everything can appear the same... but the Devil is in the details, as they say. It's all accented and colored in the most subtle ways. Everyone's living in a perfect storm that'll pass or erupt. It all manifests itself in different ways. No one has to be weak or strong... just different... different people in different circumstances.

Having said all that, it might go deeper... the source of the inspiration. It's more the strength of the mind, the heart, the soul, the spirit... whatever that thing is that carries on. It's a thing we all share. It just so happens that it was Truddi's story that made it shine for me. Because you see, Truddi's mind didn't break. She's said the same herself, though in a different context. I'm speaking more fundamentally. She's still intact. She never left... only ever changed. Maybe it's better to say that she adapted, however, unconsciously. There's a resiliency of the mind that's undeniable.

I never liked the word break in this context, when speaking of Multiple Personality Disorder, it just doesn't hit the right note for me. It's feels better to say shifted or rippled. I have in my mind the image of what it looks like. It's like a divine web or sheet of liquid. To say shifted and have it make sense, at least to me, means to visualize the mind as a stream of bright, white light. I see a thick, solid pillar of this light. Then there's the presence of the trauma. The rape and abuse take the form of a dark prism. The prism is blocking the light... and so, to shine through, the light shifts and separates into a dark and glorious rainbow. To say rippled, means to visualize the mind as an expansive arctic pool. The trauma is falling from the sky, a dark and terrible mass. It's clumped together, so not altogether solid. The pool, on its own... as it exists now would not be able to support the mass, it's too heavy. It would break the surface and infect the lower depths. The pool fluctuates between solid and liquid, at once water and ice. The first few forms of the trauma, small and light, fall... they break the surface and cause a great stir within the pool. Those few pieces create a great splash. Ripples then waves. Spires of water shoot into the air and in the moment of this excitement the whole pool freezes over. Now what once was a single thin sheet of water is now a great, ornate, frozen structure of walls and spires... just enough to bear the brunt and weight of the trauma.

The other image, the divine web, I hold in my mind as a notion of fractals. It might look like a large sheet of glass, broken and intact, but not quite. There's also the exponential nature to hold onto... this idea that it's always ready to grow and expand. All of it is tied to this idea of mutability, because that's the quality of the mind. That's what I'm reminded of whenever I think of Truddi Chase. There's nothing so great, so terrible... the mind always finds a way to protect us. Life finds a way. But it's different for all of us. Some people go catatonic. Sometimes the body gives up. Sometimes the shift is subtle and sometimes there's a Truddi Chase.

DS333, intact.

001.297.365

2008-04-14T22:19:00.000-07:00

Guess what I watched today? :D My Blueberry Nights. But I have to shut my mouth and save it all for a Film Fetish post. :|
I bought the soundtrack for My Blueberry Nights. Anyone who knows anything knows that one of the main highlights of a Wong Kar-Wai film is the soundtrack and this is no exception. A harmonica version of Yumeji's Theme!? I think I'm faint. :P
Had one of the best turkey sandwiches I've had in a long time at the local mall, I think it was the swiss cheese that sealed the deal. My only wish is that I had remembered to ask for wheat bread. :( Oh well.
I only learned today of the existence of a 2-disc collector's edition of There Will Be Blood. *drool* I'm such a whore for that film and the collector's packaging doesn't make it any easier to close my legs, it's exquisite. I want it so bad! :P
I've been having a lot of those Thank you Apple moments lately, mostly thanks to Narcissus (my iPod touch). I love him so much. Gorgeous piece of machinery.
It's official, I'm addicted to Starbucks espressos. I've a Joey concoction chilling in the freezer right now. I gotta work my voodoo to get it just right. ;)
Huzzah! :P The dream of owning a Starbucks mug with the new revamped logo with the old world mermaid is close to being realized. I didn't see it on their online store, but I saw one in the flesh... er, ceramic. The only hook is that the mug is horribly designed. It's got this concave curve. :( I wanted a perfect, simple cylinder design... straight lines... like the one I already own! *pout*
Okay, I gotta indulge myself... this soundtrack is making it near impossible to do anything but bask in it's beauty. ;)
G'night kiddos and friendos.

DS333, tight-lipped.

A Rant # "Heat"

2008-04-13T17:24:00.000-07:00

No, I don't have a bone to pick with the 1995 Michael Mann film starring Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. I wanted to bitch about the weather, that heat, the quality of being hot. I really don't have much to say other than I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I was actually planning on blogging about something else but this superseded all else. I've awoken the past two days feeling miserable. The heat is incapacitating. I feel like a prisoner under it's sway. I'm a lizard, I keep still and try my best to maintain my body's temperature. I can't move. And when I do, the urge to sleep is great. I hate feeling this way. It's an altered state. I hate this almost as much as I hate being sick. I hate having no control over this spell. Luckily for me, it's a bit easier to combat the heat with my mental yoga than it is against sickness. But it's still a bitch. My mind's not that strong.

My only refuge is the shower, but that lasts only so long. It was actually in the shower today that I decided to bitch about the weather. I thought, This is going to end. It was probably the saddest thought I had in a long time. :P I didn't want it to end, but it would, it did and I just wanted to vent my frustrations about it. If I had a state-of-the-art air conditioning system and no regard for energy conservation I guess I'd be in heaven. But I don't and I don't. Aside from the showers I can always run to the local coffee shops and such. I don't feel guilty about consuming power in a communal space. It's like carpooling, no? But I can only go out so much. I like staying home. But I can't stand this place when it's like this. It's a kiln, or, in keeping with my heritage, a sweat lodge. :P It's unpleasant anyway you slice it. I just want to escape. That's what my mind does. I guess I misspoke (er, mistyped) earlier. When I'm sick I combat it. When I'm hot, I run. It's like they say, If you can't stand the heat... So I use my mental yoga to transport me. I get lost in fantasies of far off places blanketed in snow, encased in ice and drenched with rain.

I guess I could go on and on. I trip out on how fast ice melts these days, or how the aluminum backing of my iPod is no longer cool to the touch. Everything feels fucked up. It's so unnatural, this natural progression of the seasons. :P It's one of the things I love most about California, for the most part the status quo is maintained, but when Summer starts to come around the bend everything gets turned up a notch. I'm going to be absolutely miserable in the coming months. Fuck you Summer! Die! I can't stand this heat! :( I guess it would only stand to reason since I'm such a cold person... I mean, such a cool guy. :P ;)

DS333, melting, melting, melting.

Memory... "The Lives Of Others"

2008-04-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

The oldest memories I have are around 21 years old. It's around kindergarten and first grade that I can remember things taking shape. I have a few memories from an earlier time, but I'd say they're more feelings than anything else, much too vague to be considered anything as concrete as a memories.

So it was, I'd guess, around five years old that I remember driving around with the family on a busy main street here in L.A. and letting my mind wander. I remember having a window seat 'cause the memory I have is of a car and some strangers.

For the whole of my childhood we lived in the same city, the same apartment. The place was situated near the city line. There was a riverbank that separated the cities and a couple of bridges that connected the two. I don't remember leaving our city all that much. It was something special to get to explore the rest L.A. It was exciting to leave our place. The city over and the one beyond were places of intrigue because they were so unfamiliar.

I thinks it's funny when someone asks me, or when I hear someone ask someone else what their interests are. It's been said here before that we're all the same. Different, but essentially the same. I think the differences are a matter of degree. What I'm getting at is that we all have the same interests, but there's just a variance of degree to which we commit ourselves to those interests. We all love music. We love going out. We love food, etc. But those things don't mean quite the same thing to every person. There are levels of intensity and passion that distinguish us in that way. I'm a voyeur or at least I have voyeuristic tendencies... you probably have them too. I'm not a voyeur in the strictest sense, it's not a sexual thing, that's why I backed off that one. Nor does my interest in others revolve around seeing them in pain... that's too specific. My fascination with the lives of others is more broad. I'm interested in everything I can learn about people. It's a deeply rooted fascination, a strong one at that.

The first time I can remember that facet of my character manifest itself was in that van, looking out that window at a car full of strangers. We were going home and I didn't want to but I knew there was no way I could stop it. We were driving down that main street and my Dad changed lanes. Being on that lane meant that we wouldn't go any further. But the car next to us was in the other lane. It was driving straight ahead. They were going over the bridge. I remember so clearly wondering who those people were and where they were going. Would they drive straight on into the next city? Would they take the freeway? When they got to where they were headed who would meet them there? What would they do? What would they say? I remember so clearly my imagination going into overdrive. It was going wild in a way it never had before and it was focused on these people I didn't even know, these strangers. I imagine that's where it all began, that curiosity. And now I see it's mixed up with a lot of things. There's a wonder of the unknown. I still hold with me that specific concept of people and places I've never seen and might never know. That idea of bridges and endless horizons. There's a bit of escapism thrown in there for sure. That urge to run away, not from but toward something. There's also this sense of empathy, a shared connection developed between the observer and the observed... it's vicarious. Anyway, like I said, it's mixed up with a lot of things.

DS333, ever watchful.

p.s. For those concerned with such things, the title of today's post is an homage to a film I've yet to see but I'm sure to enjoy. ;)

001.294.365

2008-04-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

Battlestar Galactica is back and better than ever! :D Last week's final season premiere was somewhat lackluster and left me disappointed, but tonight's episode was great! I've been dying to watch it ever since I saw the previews last week and the same can be said for next week's. Damn! I really hate having to be patient. :P
Speaking of TV, a lot of the shows I watch are coming back without my realizing it.
I need to catch up on three episodes of ER that I missed in January. The last one I watched was in December, and this past Thursday was... I guess the season premiere? I don't know if that's technically true. But I couldn't watch it, not until I watched those three episodes. The torrent clouds are non-existent, so I'm hoping that I can catch 'em on NBC's Hulu service. Never gave it a go, but I pray it works. It'll vex me to no end not knowing what happened.
South Park is back as well. I caught up with the show about a week ago and felt that the majority of the episodes pretty much sucked, but I've been hearing the opposite here and there... so confusing. I'll never understand people.
Hell's Kitchen is back too. My sister alerted me to this, thank the maker for Twitter. I've the first two episodes downloaded but I haven't watched them yet. I'm saving them. I want it to be special. :P God, I love Gordon Ramsay.
Been going through the second season of Lost on DVD for shits and giggles. I finally caught up to the point in which I think the season really picked up: the introduction of Henry Gale. :D
I went to Jamba Juice today and was pretty disturbed by their new menu signage. I can adapt to that sorta change pretty well... when it's done right. I really don't care for the new look. *shrug*
Starbucks has revamped the iconic mermaid logo on their cups with what I assume was the original version. I'm crazy about it! It's so old world beautiful. Now all I can think about is getting a mug with the new look. ;)
Very happy about finishing a specific element on a sketch that I've been working on. It's coming along quite well. I just know it's gonna be stellar. I feel the worst of it is over. I'm not too keen on working with symmetry freehand, it's far too stressful and time consuming. But I finally got it done.
Did I mention that My Blueberry Nights was finally released on the 4th of this month!? It's the new Wong Kar-Wai (my favorite director?) flick I've been dying to see for over three years now. Last I checked it's only playing at two theatres in the L.A. area. The one I have my eye on is of course the ArcLight, god I love that theatre. I'd see it this weekend if it wasn't for the $14 price tag. In the interest of conserving I'll hold off until the next weekday when it drops to $11. I'm so excited!!! :D I can't wait! But I have to. :(
I guess I should shut my trap now?
See ya later snow bunnies. ;)

DS333, consuming.

A Birthday Gift?

2008-04-10T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today's a special day. It's my brother's birthday. It's a funny thing, it took a little while to throw that sentence out there. I was considering the myriad ways I could've gone with it. Should I have said it was my brother's birthday? I don't feel that it's not. It's still the same day it ever was and will be. That just wouldn't have felt right. Should I have said my late brother? I've never quite taken to that term, it's too... evasive. When it comes to personal matters I often find the direct way to be the best way. I would much rather use the word dead than late. But ultimately I thought the idea of using a qualifier useless. He has been, is and always will be my brother... and this day will always be his.

I've never wanted to use this blog as the street corner at which I whore myself out to the public, so I won't delve any further than that. Of course I have much to say about my brother... but that's mine. I can't share that. But taking that to the extreme wouldn't have been the best solution either. I couldn't have glossed over what today was, that wouldn't have felt right. So I just thought I would mention it and let it be known that he's been on my mind today... more so than usual.

Normally I would've ended the post right there... but I just had to share this beautiful bit of synchronicity before I called it a day. It's about the post I made yesterday. The timing was perfect. Today, on The Howard Stern Show, there was a blowup between two friends/employees that exquisitely illustrated the unexpected and volatile nature of conversations I had spoken of. It always starts as nothing... it's almost innocent the way these things begin. Then it slowly begins to degrade. I lust for this stuff. Most of all I'm compelled by the rawness of it. The Howard Stern Show has always been a source of honesty, truth and reality... but there are times when a moment breaks through and transcends that norm. It was so intense. Brutal and ugly. Violent. God I loved it so much. I feed off this stuff. In some way it must make me a wicked person... if that's the case I totally own it, but I don't necessarily think it does. It's not that I don't feel horrible about what happened, I do. That's the point. I feel something. That's the only reason I seek this stuff out. It wouldn't mean anything if I wasn't invested and connected. But I just have more of a mind to rejoice in the horror of these little tragedies even when they're my own, rather than lament them.

Anyway, I thought it was funny... to have that happen today. I thought the timing was too perfect. I wondered where the moment came from. How wonderful to see things fall into place. And all the while I kept thinking, What happens next?

DS333, engrossed.

What's Next?

2008-04-09T20:24:00.000-07:00

Last night this blog caught me off guard. I totally forgot about it. It wasn't until I was totally set to wind down for the day that it popped into my head. I've wondered before if that's ever happened without my noticing it. If it had, I wouldn't notice it afterward. I wonder if anyone else would notice. I've checked before, to make sure everything's accounted for... it was. I haven't checked recently. Maybe I should. But enough of my rambling.

I was sitting here thinking about what to write about. I couldn't think of anything. I mean, the ideas come and go all the time but they're especially elusive when I sit down in front of this monitor. I don't know why that is. Most days I have a clear idea or vision of what I want to say, something that just begs to be heard in some way, something I've been thinking about for a while. That's in equal part due to my wanting it to happen and it's will to be written. I guess the ideas sometimes feel insulted if I'm not carrying them with me for several days by the time I come here to sit down and write. It's understandable I suppose. If I were a thought I'd want nothing more than to be thought of. I guess I should make an effort to be more considerate and thoughtful in the future.

Though, it comes eventually. It always does. Literally, I had no idea how this post would write itself tonight... I was actually worried about it. I've been having a harder go of it lately (again, I don't know why), but I thought if I just sat here with the keyboard in my lap it would happen. And lo and behold it's happening.

Lately I've been thinking about the wondrous process of feeling things out, feeling everything out actually. I've said before how I've been drawing parallels to writing and drawing. Most of it is esoteric, but I think everyone can grasp the blank canvas. A canvas, a page, a music sheet, etc. It's all the same. It all starts with nothing and then it becomes something. But lately I've been fascinated at how these posts are most like conversations. The thing I love about conversations is never knowing how they're going to end up. That can be said for most everything, but I guess I've been lingering on conversations because of their reciprocal nature. That aspect of creation seems most apparent when I think of conversations. I've so many memories of so many conversations. I hold them close to my heart for many reasons... many reasons why I love to call them up from time to time. One of my favorite parts of conjuring them up is taking into consideration the full scope of their being. I think about the beginning, middle and end. The whole of them. What I like to call the long body. I've such a fun time holding the memory of one of my favorite conversations in my mind and considering how I was totally oblivious to their... what would I say?... their doing? their undoing? I've been unaware of where I would end up once I got things started. There's something special about that. Having nothing and then having something. Or having something and then having nothing. Like I said, their doing and undoing. My favorite memories aren't always good. And so too, my favorite conversations aren't always good ones. It's wondrous in a way considering the way something falls apart in front of your eyes. Seeing a conversation take a turn for the worst. Seeing something self-destruct. Having some part in that with another person. The back and forth. All of it, the good and the bad... I love thinking about how I got there and where I'll go next. I love not knowing what will come next...

DS333, inspired.

001.291.365

2008-04-09T06:33:00.000-07:00

Whoah! Almost forgot to blog.
I've nothing much to say...

DS333, speechless.

Film Fetish: "War"

2008-04-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

War (2007)
- directed by Philip G. Atwell

After the death of his partner at the hands of a notorious assassin known as Rogue, FBI special agent Jack Crawford is dead set on exacting his revenge.

My Mom's a huge Jet Li fanatic, which is how this movie fell into my lap. I'm not all too sure I would've watched the movie otherwise. It's not something I could see myself actively pursuing. I love a good revenge tale, especially if you throw in some assassins for good measure but something about the film never grabbed me while it was in theatres. I don't have a thing against Li and I'm a huge Jason Statham fan. Still, it didn't seem like my fare.

Obviously I went into the movie without any great expectations so I wasn't disappointed but I wasn't bowled over either. I did enjoy myself though. Overall the experience was mediocre, but I say that in the best possible way. It's got the feel of one of these filler flicks... it lacks any real substance. The fight scenes and action sequences aren't that spectacular or innovative but they're compelling enough to keep you engaged. I can't really say anything that bad about it. I sort of knew what I was walking into. It's okay and something worth watching if you're in the mood for something simple and violent. What else can I say?

6/10 This hovers above the most cliche flicks that the revenge genre has to offer, but still manages to entertain. Only worth consuming if you're in the mood for a simple action flick.

DS333, entertained.

Memory... "The Desert"

2008-04-06T22:40:00.000-07:00

Oftentimes I'll finish a post with the idea that I'll follow it up with a sister post, because, invariably, one thought naturally leads into another. But I also, oftentimes, lose that thread. I've talked before about striking while the iron is hot. It's all about timing and mood. So when a couple of days pass, so does the thought. But I wanted to hold onto this one, I didn't want to lose it. I want to follow this thread.

This thing I do, this business of separating and distancing myself from others, isn't without its hazards. I think it was odd that I might have given the impression before that I don't experience loneliness. I didn't even hint at it. I wouldn't have gotten into it during that post because I wouldn't have wanted to extend it any further than it had gotten but that shouldn't have stopped me from at least hinting at it so that I could follow it up in the future. The fact that I didn't says something to me, it says a lot things, mostly that I'm fearful. This resistance to share fueled my willingness to do just the opposite.

I'm not that different from everyone else. No one is. We all experience the same things, the only difference is the degree to which those things are felt. I suppose I'm different from most in that I've a high threshold against loneliness in the face of an extreme amount of solitude. I'm so comfortable with it that I've had insane fantasies about solitary confinement. They're not exactly fantasies and they're only insane because I would dare compare my form of solitude with that of the criminally insane. I know they're not the same thing. But I've wondered, if everyone were locked up, how would I stack up? When would I break? How would I break? How would I change? To me, it just doesn't sound all that... punishing. But I'm sure it is. And still, I'd like a taste of it.

It comes. It's like clockwork, but not exactly because it doesn't happen at the same time... but it lingers for the same amount of time. It's exacting in that way. It happens once a year, for a day. The loneliness is so great and dark that I wonder if I could handle more than that one day a year. Maybe it's the unfamiliarity that breeds this intensity. I haven't built up a resistance to it. I'm ill-equipped to deal with it. Still, as powerful as those days are... they pale in comparison to this one day.

I was traveling to Arizona with the family to visit the family, extended. We always drive. And that trip is rife with long stretches of desert. Small cities, towns, rest stops and gas stations scattered in between. And it was at one of those gas stations in the desert country that it happened. I broke down. I don't know where it came from. I don't know why it came, but it was then that I felt the greatest, most intense loneliness I've ever felt. It was the worst of so many dark thoughts. It was like an abandonment. It was like a betrayal. It was like a confusion. It was disconnection. It wasn't being heard or felt. It wasn't being understood. It was invisibility, that was the worst of it. I remember feeling invisible. I thought this is what ghosts are like.

It happened so fast. I'd shattered before I even had the time to realize I was breaking. It was all that I could do to hold on because I felt myself slipping further and further away. Breaking and shattering is the best way to describe what happened. I was holding onto an image of myself, whole... holding to that thought, to that idea, was reining all the pieces in. Everything was falling away... I was losing it, losing everything... and the more I concentrated on what was happening the further things flew away. I felt so lost and confused. Keeping hold of my self in my mind's eye is what saved me. That helped put the pieces back together, helped me gain control. And while I was rebuilding I just remember bawling. It was uncontrollable. It was a flood made even more great by the fact that I don't cry, at least not since my brother died. That too I remember. The burning heat of my tears was the same as it was then. My eyes were on fire. And I remember that the sobbing wasn't so much like crying as it was like heaving and seizing. It felt like I was choking. And I couldn't stop. I thought, is this what dying is like? Everything felt so violent. That it came without warning felt like an intrusion. It slipped right in and I was defenseless.

I've been back to that place a couple of times, the physical place... but nothing came of it. I wanted so much to capture that moment again. It's troubled me ever since not knowing the why of it. I've thought if it happened once it could happen again. And while it might very well place among the worst moments of my life, I'd rather chase it than run away from it so that I can learn from it... I want to understand it and myself. I want so much to go back to that place so I can explore it from the inside. I think I've gone as far as I can from the outside. I need to feel it again because I don't know that I did at all... meaning I was too wrapped up on holding on to concentrate fully on what I was feeling. What I felt and what I remember was an eclipse and I feel the need to stare into the Sun. I need to go back so that I can deconstruct it. I need to guard against it in the future.

Being Navajo, having lived in the desert I know what it's really like and I know how it's misconceived. Ever since I was little my friends would ask about what it's like. They had this vision of a harsh, lifeless, empty land. But it's not all that harsh. It's not all that grim. It's quite beautiful. Quite lively. Full of life. Plentiful. They'd be amazed to learn that it rained, that there was water. They couldn't believe it snowed. It's as natural as any place on Earth, as divine as any other. The term God's country comes to mind. It's not like what a lot of people think it is. But I know, now, what those people speak of. I know that unnatural desert. I remember the desert being dark. Lifeless. Empty. Above all, I remember the desert being a lonely place.

DS333, on the hunt.

001.288.365

2008-04-05T23:25:00.000-07:00

The term ladyboy was introduced into my vocabulary today and I feel all the better for it. It's a wild and wonderful world out there and I love it.
Got a couple of pants yesterday. I never heard of a beach pant before but thank the maker for their existence. They're like a divine paper. One pair's white which looks slick as all hell 'cause of the way the fabric breaks and wrinkles. I really dig the contrast of the bright white against all the shadows. They both have the oddest seaming and detailing. They're like an amalgamation of scrubs, hakama, khakis and pajamas. There's too much to love. But the real kicker is the other pair, they're red. :D I've never owned anything quite so ostentatious. I'm wearing them now and I couldn't imagine my life without them. :P The color is sick! I tweeted earlier about how the red pants, the black & white striped shirt and steel-toed combat boots I'm wearing make me feel like the Joker. It's a good day to be insane. ;)
My GoogleReader's down to 13 new items. I love the new approach I've taken to my blog consumption. Eliminating this law to consume everything in one go at a specific time has really opened up the process to me. I mean to say that I enjoy the process more. I guess you could say that I'm savoring my food now, whereas I was shoveling it in before. I can take my time with the articles now. I'm doing a lot less bookmarking for later, more in depth, consumption as a result. It's great.
Today I almost fell into a black hole. I finally set aside some time to dive into Radiohead's Nude Remix site. There's too much to go through!!! :D I love it. I could get lost in there for days and days. Luckily mission control was able to guide me back home. Though I expect to visit again sometime soon.
I think I need to eat. I mean I know I should, I'm kinda starving. :P Ack! Son of fucking bitch!!! I forgot that I left my iced espresso in the freezer. Now it's probably all crystallized which will totally ruin the texture. I wanted it chilled, not frozen. :(
I hate when I forget things in the freezer... or worse yet, the oven. I've the most annoying habit of leaving bananas in the freezer too long, and by too long I mean hours. :P I love a cold banana. But because of the peel, you really need to leave it in there for quite a while for the chill to set into the flesh of the fruit, long enough that you forget... or at least I do. :(
I need to utilize the built-in alarm clock/timer of my iPod touch a lot more. It's a beautiful interface.
Now I depart. G'day ladies, chaps and in-betweens. ;)

DS333, heavenly.

Anew

2008-04-04T20:11:00.000-07:00

Lately at the forefront of my mind I have that thing reminding me that it's the purpose of the artist to deliver the essential anew, or maybe it's lingering in the back of my mind? Sometimes it's one and sometimes it's the other. Either way it's there, that's all that matters. It's there because of this blog. I realize I retread quite a lot of old ground. Or maybe it just seems that way to me? I mean, I know it's happened but maybe I'm making a bigger deal out of it than is necessary? Maybe I shouldn't think of it as a problem. I don't, but I've wondered if I should. But the thought fades quickly enough. I like the idea of working through something again and again, telling the same story over and over. Doing so inevitably leads to greater insight, greater perspective. It's what I love about this blog, this weblog, this log. As I've grown older so too has the desire to have some sort of written record of my life, something personal I can pore over that lends some perspective on the nature of change... my change. I'd like to see where I was at... internally. I wonder what it will be like to look back on all of this somewhere down the line. I don't expect it'll amount to much. I actually have a lot of thoughts about a lot of different things... a fork in the road. I could go one of many ways with the post if I wanted to, but I think I'll let it end here. I'm sure to pick it up again sometime in the future.

DS333, breathing.

Breaking A Spell

2008-04-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

I'm looking at my tabs in Firefox and I see an unfamiliar sight. I've 335 new items to read through in Google Reader. This is unusual because I only accumulate just over 100 new items a day and I make sure to read through my daily allotment before I go to bed. But I've broken the habit recently. It had a lot to do with the cold I had/have. There were a couple of nights when I just couldn't muster the energy to stare at a monitor, upright, for that long. So I let myself slide thinking that I would get back into the swing of things once I felt better. Well, I feel much better now than I did when I decided to slack off but I just don't feel a pressing need to catch up again. I did for a while, but it passed. I think this is a good thing. As far as habits go, I don't think reading up on the news is the worst but the commitment I felt toward consuming everything was.

I don't like to consider myself an obsessive-compulsive because I don't feel I suffer from OCD, and saying so would trivialize the horror that OCs live through every day, but I do feel I suffer from OCD-like behavior. It's nothing extreme but I often feel plagued by this sense of order. And it manifests itself in the oddest ways. It doesn't appear in all aspects of my life but in enough places that it can be felt, in enough places that it's become a problem. It's stupid really, but it's there. I've daydreamed before about what it must be like to not have this thing. For the most part I don't feel bad about it. In some respects I really love it. It seems so much apart of me and my character. And while I don't put much stock in what other people say or think, it's only when I hear about how odd this behavior is from others that I become doubtful. It doesn't necessarily need to be a criticism either, it just needs to be something that shines a spotlight on how my way isn't the way of others. So I wonder how it's like to be like everyone else. And there are aspects of that that I love. It seems like... I'm focusing on the wrong things. I'm directing my energy and time toward things that aren't fulfilling, and I'm neglecting those things that truly make me happy.

So I've been in an odd headspace recently. Because there have been a couple of things I've stopped doing, things that an older version of myself wouldn't believe possible. Surprisingly I feel good about it. And it's not so much about stopping things exactly... I'm not gonna bury my head in the sand as far as news is concerned for instance, but I need to stick to this realization that the world doesn't end if I'm not constantly wired. For me, this new thing is about trying to prioritize and gain some perspective. Things aren't where they should be and that's all on me so I need to kill this thing that makes that seem okay. It's been like being under a spell for a very long time. It's a strange thing. I don't know that much of it, the change, will be seen as much as it will be felt? At first anyway. I don't know... I just feel like it's a good thing to break some habits every now and then. It's something to consider and something I wanted to share. ;)

DS333, sloughing.

001.285.365

2008-04-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

In very high spirits today. Feeling good in large part to a revelation of sorts I had yesterday. Nothing major... but just a thought. I'm sure we all know what that's like. Looking at a situation through another lens. Makes things seem less... well... maybe it doesn't make anything seem like anything, it's just great to gain some perspective. Having the idea now feels great because it must have meant I was oblivious then, before I had the thought. I think one of the greatest tragedies in all the world is lacking awareness, especially self-awareness. It's wonderful to feel as though you can wrap your head around something and understand it in some small way.
It's funny... I was so excited yesterday because I had this urge to write something today, but today is a Third day and so I'll have to wait. Now I can't remember what it was that I was gonna blather on about tomorrow. Maybe it'll come to me in dream. Maybe the point was to take away how much I enjoy writing? I remember that. I was drawing these parallels with drawing... and at some points during my yammering/writing I can touch that place I go when I draw. It was kinda wild to access that source in another way. Kinda like discovering another entrance to your house that you never knew was there. I was wondering how many different paths there are to that place. And then I was going on and on in my head about something I don't care to share now because I could go on forever and ever.
I've been having fantastic dreams lately. I always enjoy my dreams for one reason or another. Even nightmares I enjoy 'cause I feel they get at the root of things... they're opportunities at self-illumination. Fortunately I haven't been plagued with nightmares. These dreams are different. I used the word fantastic for a reason. They're like little fantasies. Warped too. So they're not exactly pleasant but again, they're not nightmares. It's a weird marriage of light and dark. I think the thing that I've been taken with the most is their mystery. I've always, or at least most of the time, have been able to decipher my dreams... been able to draw some meaning from them. But lately I've been having a string of dreams that just don't make sense to me. I can't take anything away. I've some ideas about what that might mean... but that's personal. ;)
My media consumption's been a bit screwy lately thanks to my latest obsession with In Treatment. I can't get enough of that show! :P I've gotten in the habit of watching a week's worth of shows in a night. That's two and a half hours of consumption time I've had to steal away from everything else. Everything will return to normal shortly though. Unfortunately I'm almost done with the season. :( There's 43 episodes and I'm gonna dive through 31-35 tonight. I hate that it's gonna end soon. Which is weird since I love endings as much as I do beginnings... but I just don't want it to end. I want more. I've become ravenous. I'm doing my best to psych myself up for the end. And I see it coming and it's on it's way - Tori Amos (Bells For Her, from Under The Pink).
I've had this one line from Tori Amos' Dātura running through my head lately: Is there room in my heart / For you to follow your heart / And not need more blood / From the tip of your star?
I've been laughing a lot today, the highlight being when I lost all control while I had a mouth full of cake and milk. I sprayed it all over and thought how wild it was that it looked so much vomit. It made me laugh all the more.
Time to call it a night. Time to set sail.
Goodnight you sailors and tailors.

DS333, at peace.

TV Time + "In Treatment"

2008-04-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

I'm obsessed... again. This time the object of my affection is HBO's 30-minute drama, In Treatment. The show centers around Gabriel Byrne as psychotherapist Dr. Paul Weston and the sessions he has with his patients and his own therapist.

Funny thing, I'd never heard of the show before Howard Stern mentioned it on his show. And I only checked it out based on a recommendation from a friend who took up Howard on his recommendation. I probably wouldn't have caught up with the show otherwise. More often than not I think my opinions and taste are aligned with Howard's but for some reason I just had a bad feeling about In Treatment. Boy was I wrong. It actually frightens me to think of how close I came to missing out on the show entirely.

So what's to love? Well if you're like me you love a good chat. You love good conversation and well written dialogue in film and television that give the feel of that experience. That's one of the greatest strengths of the show. It's perfectly produced. It feels real. It is real. Real in the sense that... well I have this idea in my mind whenever a great performance transcends the norm: I think of shamans. Shamans are conduits of the divine. They are men. But when they perform within the context of a ritual they don't act as the divine, they are the divine. When an artist is truly in a role, truly in character, they become the character. There's a breakthrough that happens with truly great storytelling. It becomes and is. I've the impression that these people are real, that they've lived and I'm witness to something genuine and true. There's a rawness and reality about the show that doesn't exist in most. It's very special.

Maybe I've gone ahead of myself so let me step back. The show's an easy pick up because of the way it's structured. As I've said, it's a show about a doctor and his patients. But that dynamic doesn't play out in the usual way you see those stories unfold. It's very simple and direct. Each show averages around 23 minutes, which is something I love and hate. I loved it at the outset because it meant it required very little commitment on my part to engage in it. But once engaged, I was utterly consumed and 23 minutes never felt like enough. I wanted more and more. But in reality, those 23 minutes are more than enough because the content is so intense. Those few minutes really pack a punch and leave a lasting impression.

Each show corresponds with one session, with one patient on one day of the week. It's a very simple formula and I love it. There are five sessions throughout the week. One for each weekday, for each patient. That's it. There are never any new characters. There are no new settings. It's just these wonderfully flawed people locked up in a room digging and diving for 23 minutes straight. It's very direct. It's also perfect. Perfect because I get the impression that the show would be ruined if it cut in between different sessions with different patients. The sessions build in intensity throughout the the course of those 23 minutes. But you need every second of those 23 minutes to get to that point. Trying to juggle more than one person's story in that time would be a mess. I love the compartmentalization of the structure. It gives the audience a break. It's a good thing that there's more than one patient to follow. I couldn't imagine having the mental and emotional fortitude to stick with one person's story show after show. Breaking the shows up as weekdays was genius.

Gee, I didn't realize I'd gone on so long... I didn't mean to. I just really want to get across my love for the show because I think it's something a lot of people could love too if they gave it a chance. I think the thing I love most is how it engages the audience in introspection. The characters of the show are beautiful people. They're diverse and familiar. Flawed. It's near impossible not to empathize with them. There have been more than a few episodes where I found it hard to follow because I was lost in my own thoughts. Thinking I can see parts of myself in the stories that are unfolding on screen. If nothing else, the show is thought-provoking. It's deep that way. A lot of it, the superficial, is simple... but the core of the show is so complex. And I love complexity.

Anyway, check out the show!!! Please, at least watch the first five episodes. The first five cover the first week and introduce each patient of the week. Those five shows are more than enough to hook you or turn you off. You can get the first 15 episodes free at the iTunes Store, though you should be warned that they're censored. Then again, the show's not exactly filthy so you won't be missing out on much, just a curse word here and there. But I love to experience things in their most pure form, so you might want to torrent the show to get the full experience. ;)

DS333, in love.

p.s. The Friday shows (episode 5, 10, 15...) are the episodes I live and die for!!! :D

The Art - "Dragon... (Incomplete)"

2008-03-31T21:06:00.000-07:00

Dragon... (Incomplete)

approximately 11" x 8"; ink on paper.

This is the first piece in my 70-part David's Book (AKA The Blue Book) project.

I'm almost sure I've mentioned at some point my reluctance to post any pieces that weren't complete, in fact I'm almost positive I was more direct than that. I can hear myself saying, I would never post anything incomplete. I have a problem revealing anything that's in transition. That's what I like to term anything in the works; in transition. Revealing these things ahead of time feels wrong to me for a lot of reasons. That time, that space of transition is one of extreme... influence... absorption. It's like taking something out of a vacuum. It ruins it. That space is sacred. It's private. It's a communion of sorts. It should be one-on-one till the very end. Anything else would be wrong. It's seeing the bride before the wedding. It's having sex in cage in a zoo. It just wouldn't be right. It's eating a half-baked cake. All of it speaks of spoil and ruin. I don't like it.

Unfortunately for some, being in transition means being in between life and death. That's what being incomplete is. That's what this piece is. I'm no longer working on it and never will so it's in a constant stage of... flux. It's in flux because it wants to be complete and I won't deliver that, I can't. I've posted before about losing the thread to a piece over time. It's having the idea of something at the beginning, the momentum, the energy and then losing it. Sometimes it can just be about time. You forget things over time. And sometimes it's about having the initial spark of that idea snuffed out by another. Maybe it becomes muddied by something larger. It becomes co-opted. So you lose the heart of what it was you started with. And it's not the same as evolving and growing... this is different. This isn't a positive change, at least not for what you have/had at the moment. My language and imagery for this phenomenon is tied to the language and imagery of child birth, or rather, miscarriage. It's having something and losing it. But losing it at exactly the wrong moment. But you hold on and it holds on... and you both wait for it to happen again. You have the fantasy of something, you can see it... it feels so real that you can almost touch it. But that fantasy can never materialize in this plane. You can't reach back into the past and change it. What you hold on to you save for the future, for another plane, another time.

So I've titled this piece Dragon... because the dragon, that concept, was a key instrument in it's making. But it's incomplete so I don't know if it's (something) Dragon or Dragon (something). In it's next incarnation that might be lost altogether. Who knows? And I don't reveal the Dragon... for the sake of doing something new and unexpected. I thought I never would. But I can feel this current, this push to do so.

I'm not one to make portraits. I've never really felt comfortable drawing someone because that would require drawing on so many facets of who they are. How do you cage someone in a single picture? People are far too multi-dimensional for my still images. If I were to make a genuine effort to encapsulate someone I would draw on so many mediums. It would require sound and animation. Color. It would need to be as rich an experience as possible and when it was all done it would still fall short of honoring this hypothetical phantom properly. So when I create a portrait I single something out. Something small. A particular laugh? A wrinkle. A memory. A phrase. Some one thing. And when I have that thing, I drill down further. Narrow my focus. Until it fits. Until I feel it's something I can tackle. I thought I had that with the Dragon... This is a portrait. An aspect of this person's character, someone I know. And what I mentioned before... the current, the push... is the memory of this person whispering. It's how these things sometimes work. They lay in wait, silent, for years and years until they decide to scream to let themselves be known again. The Dragon... is awakening you might say. It's time again. And something about getting it right this time around means acknowledging what went wrong in the past. So that's why I share this today. Not because I want to, but because it demands it of me.

DS333, reconciling.

001.282.365

2008-03-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

Still sick, though the worst seems to have past. No fever, but I'm still leaking mucus. :( I hate being sick.
I had planned to write up some blog posts today for the next couple of days but that looks to be a pipe dream. :(
I finally dove into The Guild. Sadly, it's one of those shows that suffers from a slow roll out.
I also started to watch HBO's In Treatment. I've only watched the first episode but it looks promising.
I'm pretty much up to speed on all my podcasts. Apparently a cold will do ya good in some instances. ;)
I need to rest now. I can feel myself slipping away.

DS333, in recovery.

The Eternal Tragedy

2008-03-29T18:37:00.000-07:00

Thankfully I'm feeling more lucid today. I'm still sick but I feel more myself than I have in the past couple of days. Since I've been laid up I've had more and more time to consume, more than usual. And I caught myself a few times thinking how sad this game of cat & mouse is. I'm never going to catch up. There'll forever be an endless supply of media to consume. I'll never get to it all. It's an old thought, but since I've had more time to think it's been weighing heavily on my mind. There's something especially tragic about this thought when I consider the way I consume media. I try to go all out and I try to do things in order. There have been so many artists I've shirked because I've felt their collections were too vast and just weren't ready for me... or I wasn't ready for them. It takes time. There's so much I already have on the back-burner. I'm consumed as is. I have to complete something before I feel I'm ready to try something or someone new. And if I am ready for something new, I've already a list of new things to dive into. It's hard for me to get into something truly new. It's hard for me to consume spontaneously. It happens every now and then; it's very rare.

Who knows, maybe I'll get to a place where I feel satiated... but it seems so far away. I sometimes wish I could get through things more quickly... but thats a double-edged sword. Moving any faster than I am now would feel cheap. It's about time and appreciation. It takes time to savor. When it comes to media I don't want to become a shallow glutton. It's the whole quality vs. quantity debate again. I'm a quality guy. I'll opt to feel starved while being full rather than feel satiated and ultimately be empty.

DS333, chomping away.

Silhouettes

2008-03-28T20:12:00.000-07:00

I took a short walk today. I'm still sick and feel like shit but I was dying to move around for a bit. It was near sundown and as I was walking home I faced Westward. That time is my favorite time of day. That in between of light and dark. I've this obsession with the silhouettes of power lines and towers. I love the way dying light catches everything. It's the most beautiful thing on the Earth. More so when they catch the leaves of trees rustling in the breeze. They dance and twinkle. They flux between shadows and shimmers. I thought if I were a painter I'd spend my entire life trying to capture that moment. I love the way they dance. I love how the shadows hide and hint at something grander. I realized how much I actually love the light. I started to think of this old tree I was fond of. It was cut down and so was I. There needs to be a memorial of some sort. I'm not a painter but I'm going to try to capture that moment some day. I loved that tree. I loved those shadows and the shimmering.

DS333, not well.

001.279.365

2008-03-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

Nothing I really wanna go on about today, I'm sick. :( It's been building for a few days but today it really hit. I wanna guillotine. My eyes hurt. My teeth hurt. My sinuses hurt. My skull hurts. My ears hurt. My throat hurts. I just wanna tear off my head and be done with it. :P Hoping for a speedy recovery.
I hope Survivor airs tonight, if not, I'm gonna dedicate my life to taking down the NCAA. :P
Time to lay down. ;)
Stay well you healthy heads.

DS333, down for the count.

TV Time + "Biggest Loser Rant"

2008-03-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

So I've mentioned before that I'm a huge fanatic of The Biggest Loser . I think the current season is one of the best to ever hit the airwaves. I actually had some other ideas for today's post but I was watching the show yesterday and I thought I would strike while the iron was hot. I had all these thoughts buzzing about that I was afraid I would forget. Most of them were rant-worthy posts all their own, but it seemed better to clump them together here. So bear with me as I randomly rant on about the show. ;)

First up is the man tits. It's funny how these things come in threes. I've had man tits on the brain quite a lot lately. First because of the show itself. Secondly, I was watching a program a few weeks ago on the Discovery Health channel that featured a story of a boy who had breasts and consequently, corrective surgery. Finally, Howard Stern's been promoting a contest for the past month or so on his show called The Biggest Man Boob. I've always been fascinated by this phenomenon. I've often wondered what effect having them has on the psyches of these men. I have to imagine that it's traumatic. Arresting in the same way that transsexuals challenge the basic conventions of sexuality and body image. It's not masculine and I have to believe that's damaging in some way? At the very least, very embarrassing. It's because of this that I've so enjoyed the tradition of the show to have the men remove their shirts at the weigh-ins. There seems to be no other reason than to exploit their shame for our sheer entertainment. It's cruel. And I find it funny that something like that exists within a show that desperately tries to shake the ghost of the prototypical, seedy reality t.v. show.
There's a person on the show, Jay, who has an objectively dopey look. If you've seen his face you'd agree. If you haven't, you would. There was a thread here I wanted to pick up on. This idea of biology affecting personality. Just given his look you could almost write out his history. I'm sure he was picked on incessantly his entire life. He has the look of someone who's had to endure in some way, more so than the rest of us. It's as though he's had no choice to live any other way. It just is. People treat you a certain way based on your looks, which is obvious, but there's a reason why he brought this home for me...
I've been troubled by the relationship that Jay has with his older brother Mark. I can tell it's an abusive one. For the most part it's not overt, the abuse, nor is the dynamic obvious but it's there. I imagine the meat of it is passive-aggressive. That the roles have been carefully chiseled over time. So that idea of people's behavior being dependent upon our looks is at the forefront of my mind because I've wondered about how the relationship between this one brother has developed with his elder and the rest of his family over time. By virtue of being inside this body I feel as though he's been piled upon. That he's had to accept abuse. That he knows no other way of being. And that because he's lived with it (his body and all that that means) all his life, his mind and the relationships he's developed in every sphere of his life have been structured in such a way that this all seems normal. I find it sad and infuriating. People locking others in cages and prisoners accepting their confinement. When I see this dynamic between the two I feel an anger underlying it, it's something totally unlike a simple sibling rivalry... it's a dance between the abused and the abuser.
The show is ultimately flawed because in the end it pits men against women in a field that's not equal. This is a physical competition in a lot of ways and women can't compete with men in certain respects. I've seen far too many challenges that favor those with greater upper body strength and it drives me insane. It's unfair. But it's the arrogance of men that really gets to me. It's as though they're not aware of their own physiology and how that impacts the competition. They're not working harder. They don't want it more. They've science in their corner, plain and simple. On an equal playing field I'm sure the women could kick their asses... and they have before. I find their hubris disgusting.
* Spoiler * I'm so glad that Dan's gone. I could NOT stand his fucking head-cocking anymore. His whole way of being was so affected and contrived. It drove me insane to see his face. It drove me up the wall to hear him speak. He became such a douche bag throughout the course of the show. I believe it was a combination of the weight loss and being apart of something, i.e. a boy's club. (I'd never call them men) I think it's a tricky thing maintaining an identity when you go through such a drastic shift. Or at least, it's hard to moderate and hold onto certain aspects of your character. It all comes down to pride and arrogance. It's like giving a boy a gun. Having not had something and then getting it... if you're not careful, it can turn you into an ugly person. It can warp your view and even who you are, or at least parts of who you are. I pray people keep the safety on.
About the aforementioned boy's club. Why do straight men turn gay when locked into groups? Of course I don't mean literally, but there is this weird homoerotic vibe you can sense when you witness this camaraderie. It's disturbing. It even makes me uncomfortable. :P And this whole Pride chant the boys have going on isn't helping matters. It's just weird. Men are a mystery.
The crying. I can't stand the crying!!! Re-fuckin'-lax! Being voted off the show doesn't mean you're off to the gas chamber. I don't understand how anyone can get that emotional. And I realize I'm a bit biased, being somewhat of a robot when it comes to emotional response, but I think by anyone's standards it would seem ridiculous how upset these people get, certain people anyway. It's uncalled for.
Along the lines of my last rant... whether it's this show or any other reality show that groups people together for a certain amount of time, I can not understand how these strangers supposedly develop connections with one another. I hear people toss around the words brother and sister and it drives me mad. Worse yet is hearing someone say I love you. What the fuck!? I don't believe I alienate myself, because people manage to do a better job of it for me. When I witness things like this, these proclamations, I question myself. Is there something wrong with me? Am I wired different? etc. It's a momentary insanity and then I return with the conclusion that these people are just fucked up. Or at least very needy. I think it's actually sad because it trivializes the relationships they have with their friends and family, people worthy of the titles brother & sister and worthy of their love. I could never throw around such words so lightly, so freely, so carelessly.
The last is an oldie but a goodie. Good ol' contrivance in the form of pre-taped bits. I hate the way the show crowbars ads into itself and tries to pass them off as natural happenings in their everyday lives. Yesterday I witnessed the worst yet. It was so incongruous that it was insulting. If you're gonna sell me something, just sell it. You'll be the better for it for at least having my respect instead of my disdain. We're not morons, we know the score. Don't be fake kids. ;) And if you are gonna fake it, put some effort into it.

DS333, exorcised.

Memory... "The Romantic"

2008-03-25T17:50:00.000-07:00

This is a vague memory. Though I don't feel that concrete details matter much in this instance, it's enough to have the impression of what was meant. It was during my first year of college, that much I'm sure of. I can't remember what class. I wanna say it was a philosophy course but I could be wrong. But as I've said, the details don't matter much.

I was busying myself with whatever it was I busied myself with before class began and I overheard this conversation among a group of friends I wasn't friendly with. I don't mean to say they were people I disliked, just people I didn't know all too well or cared to know. I don't know how the conversation steered toward where I caught up with it but they were going on about smiles. Now that I think about it, a magazine could've been involved and maybe they were judging smiles? In any case I was struck by something this guy said. This guy was a jock type, verging on the stereotypical variety without the arrogance and cruelty. If I had to cage him with one word it would be simple. He struck me as a simple sort. The type of person you wouldn't expect to knock you over with something profound. But he managed to do just that.

Whether it was from a magazine or someone plucked from their personal sphere, this guy was asked what he thought of this one girl's smile. And I didn't manage to commit his exact words to memory, but his response went something like: I don't think there's such a thing as a bad smile. As far as I can remember, that was it. He let it float out there and it struck me like a bolt of lightning. It was epiphanic, so it was remarkable to me how no one managed to pick up on it and drill him for a deeper meaning. Though explanations and expositions belong to another world than epiphanies. So maybe I was just struck by how no one seemed to have been affected in the same way I was. The conversation flowed along; business as usual.

It was his earnestness that got the better of me. It was that pure honesty that acted as the catalyst. Because I'm sure people say remarkable things all the time that don't carry the same energy and power if they had been said with conviction and faith. It's the difference between truth and lies. I hardly think it means much of anything if someone tells you they love you when you know it's a lie. All words have the potential to destroy and nurture but need truth to ignite them. So I may have heard the words before but they didn't channel the same current.

I was bowled over by this idea that someone could look beyond the physical body to the metaphysical body. That smiles are a reflection of an internal magic. That it would warm someone's heart to know that a fellow man or woman was happy. That that happiness could permeate all else and be seen by another, be appreciated and honored. That anyone could even be in a place to have that vision. Those words so perfectly pierced into the essence of compassion and love. I was forever changed in that moment. It humbled me, inspired me and touched me. I've never really been at the place where I could truly honor those words; that ideal. There are people who live now who's happiness is the bane of my existence. I'm mixed. I'm human, so I carry a dark within me that I can't let go of. I see certain people smile and want nothing more than to break their teeth in. I was humbled to know a better man, a bigger man. He inspired a change of perspective and reminded me to keep in tune with the hidden. To keep with the meaning of things... inflections, reflections, impressions, implications, etc. His mere being touched me. To know that someone like him was out there among us gave me hope. Too often I linger about in the dark and think the worst of people. I gravitate toward the evil of humanity and forget their goodness. I forget that people can be kind. I forget that people can be nice. People can be considerate and selfless. I forget a lot of what they can offer. I hope not to in the future. I hope to never forget this memory.

DS333, humbled.

001.276.365

2008-03-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! The U.S. Justice Department has approved the merger of satellite radio companies Sirius and XM. Now we wait for the FCC to follow suit. It's been a long time coming. :D
I'm surprised to be alive considering the extreme back pain I was suffering through last night. I don't know what happened but I was in agony. Thank the maker for drugs. :P I <3>
I've been a pig. I just about singlehandedly polished off an entire carrot cake my sister dropped off a few days back. :P :D
The heat's been ramping up here in L.A. This change in the weather hints at a miserable Summer for me. *sigh* I'm going to enjoy as much of the non-Summer days we've left. Though, I suppose I have no other choice. :P
I was feeling particularly masochistic today so I wore my oxfords. I lasted only a few hours in them. I'm so glad to have them off. My feet are feeling especially appreciative today. They hate and love me. ;)
My iPod touch's been acting like a bitch for the past few days. I swear I have the worst time trying to keep the Safari app from crashing. It seems that the death strike is a combo of listening to music while using text fields on non-mobile sites. Today I hit a new low though, for some reason the processor was incredibly sluggish. I'd try to skip a song and it took a second for my command to register and two seconds for the screen to display the appropriate album art. After a while it just sorta froze. *sigh* I reset and synced back up with the mothership and all seems to be well... for now. *fingers crossed*
I hate lint.
Sometimes the formatting issues of Blogger piss me the fuck off.
I have to consume now. Early post = short post.
Stay cool you little penguins.

DS333, relaxed.

The Lonesome & The Lonely

2008-03-23T20:15:00.000-07:00

The satellite is a solitary machine. That single aspect of my handle might be the one that carries the most weight, the most significance. I'm a solitary creature. It's my preference. I'd be more than happy to take up the title of loner if it weren't for the confusion surrounding it. I think most people feel loners are lonely people. I make a differentiation between the lonesome and the lonely. The latter being victims of circumstance and the former, beneficiaries of consequence. At its root it's a matter of choice. The lonely suffer and endure solitude while the lonesome bask in it. I bask. I choose to be alone. I love to be alone. I've mentioned some of the reasons why this is the case. I don't hate people. In fact, I love them. Maybe it's largely a force of habit? I think not, but I did decide a very long time ago that it was important to seek out solitude whenever I could and to make the most of it.

I've felt that many of the most tedious and tiresome people I've met have also been the most social. I created a correlation there. So in the interest of being interesting I ran away from the crowd. I think being alone affords one many opportunities, largely developing and refining the self. Though, the most extreme cases might benefit from just being aware that there is a self. It's so hard to discern a singular voice within a cacophonous crowd. Overtime I think you can lose your voice. The inclination is to harmonize with the social choir rather than act against it. This is the homogeny of the hive mind. Though I don't mean to suggest that it's important or vital to act against something for the sheer sake of being disruptive. You might find that your individual voice is in fact in tune with the social choir. I only think there's a problem when you deprive yourself of that discovery, and making it requires solitude.

The most social people I've met fear solitude. That, I never understand. Being alone, that phrase, strikes people differently. To fear it, I think means being at a loss? Not being with someone. To own it should mean being with yourself. There's this discrimination between not having and having. Losing and winning. Negative and positive. I ultimately feel this fear of being alone is a fear of the self. It has less to do with others (not having them) and more to do with your self (owning it). Hyper-sociability is born out of this fear, I think, to help distract and avoid. The noise of the crowd masks the whining, squealing, crying, etc. Ironically enough, I think it's in this strain of sociability that you'll find the most lonely. I think of song birds without voices and wings, birds who've never known the power and beauty of their own songs, songs that give flight to their souls.

So much of being alone (for me) has meant introspection, refinement, development and specialization. To be at odds with those principles is beyond me, I can't fathom it. But in the same way that I've taken a critical eye to hyper-sociability I think I should toward hyper-solitude. Extremes are rarely a good thing. So I certainly don't feel that being social is a bad thing. I only felt like waving the banner and trumpeting the virtues of the lonesome because we get a bad wrap. There's a stigma attached to being alone where I think it should not exist. Though I could be falling into a trap. The purpose for me is to muddy the waters. All I'm really saying is being social shouldn't appear altogether healthy. And being lonesome shouldn't appear altogether unhealthy. But one's more likely to perceive sociability as such (healthy) and being alone, not. There's a problem there. It's something that's been at the forefront of my mind the more I dive further into the Net. There's this warped tendency to evangelize the social web. It's something that rubs me the wrong way. But maybe that's something I should save for another day. Right now I have to be alone. ;)

DS333, receding.

Shaking The Sandman

2008-03-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

I've the worst time rousing myself from sleep. I can't do it. Not on the first go anyway. That probably doesn't make me very unusual. But what if it takes me three of four gos to shake the Sandman? I'm certainly not alone, but I can probably count myself among a select few.

I've been thinking that this phenomenon is an externalization of that internal struggle people deal with everyday. That demon thing that keeps us from doing the things we want to do. I think of the addict or the masochist. I can be judgemental. So I've wondered why it is certain people can't stop hurting themselves. What's this compulsion? There's an internal switch which can be flicked to "moderate" and "safe" that's being ignored. I wonder why some people can't stop drinking, eating, using, etc. to such an excess. I've wondered why people don't avoid chaotic and abusive relationships. All these things that can be controlled. There's a damage underlying these choices and actions. Damage that compels one to self-destruct. But that doesn't mean that things couldn't be different. Things could be different. You could not be doing the things you're doing to yourself if you just stop. Though just is a loaded word. These things are easier said than done.

So I've been thinking that I have this thing in me... this compulsion to do what I don't want to do. It feels as though I can't resist, but I can. I want to, but obviously not enough. Anyone can make a change if they want it enough. But I think more often than not we're in between. I've enough of my self intact to know that I want things to be different but have an equal amount (if not, more) of my shadow that wants things to stay the same. I've been thinking of this voodoo. This lure of the shadow. The mystification of the constant. I'm reminded of it whenever my eyelids hang heavy. I want to wake, but sleep is too sweet. I can't help myself. I'm weak to this charm, this spell. It's escapist and I enjoy it far too much. I need to break the charm of the sleeping kingdom. I just need to awaken.

DS333, rising.

001.273.365

2008-03-21T20:09:00.000-07:00

Jesus fucking Christ was it a beautiful day! Seriously, one of the best L.A. has ever had to offer. The weather was perfect! I'm not kidding, perfect! It did a hell of a lot for my mood. The walk I took to soak up the scene was as serene as could be. Today was a good one. ;)
Looks as though my dying wildflowers are in fact dead. I'll sow some more seeds in their honor... using the same soil with their bodies acting as a foundation. Let's hope lightning will strike twice. I've tried to sow some more seeds before... but I haven't been able to get anything to grow. :|
I caught this whore with a couple of her whore friends taking a walk and littering the street with candy wrappers. I wanted to break her face in. I can't stand that level of disrespect and carelessness. Of all the things you have control of... of all the things you can do right, why would you litter? It seems to me that it takes more effort to litter than not. It doesn't compute for me. She's a piece of garbage... her and her ilk.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl accomplishment of the week? I unlocked all the hidden characters last night! ;) I feel quite proud of myself. :P
I had a sizable piece of shimmering silver gift wrapping paper left over from... I don't know what exactly? I've had it lying around for a while and I finally put it to use. I created an origami crane out of it. Every time I look at it I become transfixed. It reminds me of this project I wanted to get underway. I want to make a mobile of origami cranes. The project was heavily inspired by a thread in the second season of Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex. It's something I will do, but it'll also take a lot of careful planning. It's something that's on the back burner.
I've been something of a bad boy. I haven't been keeping up with Google Reader for some reason. I've only slacked off for a day, but still I feel guilty for not having that counter read zero.
I've decided I can't keep in tune with my microblog feeds anymore, at least not to the level I have been. It's that OCD thing again. I feel I must read everything and in chronological order. But it's becoming something of a problem since I keep adding friends and following more people. Reading my Pownce and Twitter feeds has become a major time-sink. I just can't keep up with it and I know I shouldn't. I also know I shouldn't feel bad about that but again... it's just a thing in me. This happened before with Digg, but I was able to kick that habit. I should be able to kick this one.
Going to a Easter get together with the extended family tomorrow. Should be fun. My cousins have Super Smash Bros. Brawl in their midst so you know they'll be much brawlin' going on. ;) I'm sure to get my ass kicked. :P They're freaks for the game.
Kay, need to catch up on a few things... the more time I take here, the less I have there. ;)
Later, later bunnies...

DS333, peachy keen.

Latest Love <3 "Super Smash Bros. Brawl"

2008-03-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

Thursday posts are always a difficult thing to deal with especially if they happen to be features because they take time to be done right. But since it is Thursday, which means Lost is on tonight, the first thing I want to do is get my post out as soon as possible and the last thing I want to do is take time doing that. So maybe I'm copping out on this one... I can't be sure. At least it's timely; very apt. ;)

Obsessions come and go in my world. These loves. Yesterday it was Super Mario Galaxy and today it's Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I'm absolutely in love with the game. I'm consumed. I'm smitten. I'm taken. It's all I can think about during the day. :P I think that's the sign of a truly special game. Funny enough, I didn't really experience that with Super Mario Galaxy. I was consumed with it, but it wasn't in my blood. A game like Picross is an example of something in the blood. At random moments throughout the day I'd spend time conjuring up a mental image of the game and I'd strategize about the most efficient way to complete it. And that's happening again with Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I lay awake at night and the images flutter past beneath my eyelids, my fingers twitch and all I can think about is improving my game.

For the uninitiated, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a fighting game featuring a roster of memorable characters plucked from Nintendo's vast game library. It's the third game in the Super Smash Bros. series and the first to appear on the Nintendo Wii. The game is a based on a simplistic control scheme that appeals to newcomers and experts alike. I think the strength of the game lies in the control scheme and the gameplay mechanics at large. It can be played on various levels of skill and difficulty. All in all I'd say the game is simple, which I like, though it certainly doesn't lack depth. As I've said, it's something a newcomer could pick up, but the game really shines at offering technically proficient players a deep fighting game experience. The game you see novices play is a totally different game from one played between experts. I love that sort of adaptability. It's at once simple and deep... something I've a soft spot for. ;)

Superficially, the game is spectacular. The game sports some of the most beautiful graphics I've ever seen. It's enough to play a game just to stare at everything that's going on. It's also enough to play those games with your favorite Nintendo characters. I'm a sucker for the nostalgic and I was born and raised as a Nintendo kid so there's no way I couldn't be hooked by window dressing offered up by this title. I'm bowled over by the wealth of characters you can play as. It's a Nintendo fanboy's wet dream. :P

Anyway, I just wanted to throw my love out into the ether. I could go on and on about why I love the sucker but that could get boring fast (if it isn't already ;) ). If anyone's considering buying the Wii, this is one of those must-have titles. The depth I spoke of earlier isn't limited to the gameplay mechanics. There's so much stuff to unlock and dig through. The game's notable for being one of the few Nintendo flagship titles that offers up online play. Being able to play with other Smash Bros. fanatics across the Net is pretty awesome. There's also a variety of minigames and modes to play through. Truly, the list goes on and on. You really get a bang for your buck on this title. So if you'll excuse me it's time I got back to banging... errr... smashing. :P ;)

DS333, obsessed.

Linkage ~ "BigDog"

2008-03-19T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm sure anyone's who as tapped into the Net as I am has seen this video already, but I couldn't help but give it some more attention. I've had it on the brain ever since I saw it. It reminds me of how wonderful the times we're living in are. Everything's changing so rapidly. Everything's evolving and advancing at such an incredible pace. It makes me wonder if the future is closer at hand than I ever realized. It makes me hope that I'll be around to see even more of this change. We're very much on the edge of something truly great.

So anyway, here's the video of Boston Dynamics' DARPA-funded quadruped robot, BigDog:

Watching the video, I can't help but wonder if most of the people watching it even realize the importance and significance of such an advancement in robotics. I've never seen a robot with this degree of balance. It's amazing! It's astounding! The machine is enough to marvel at as is, but I've also the mind to imagine what this hints at. These things only get better. So I keep imagining what this will ultimately lead to. Not just the machine, but every other technology working in concert. What that will lead to. What that change will bring. It's both beautiful and horrifying to contemplate. I'm more of an evangelist in this regard so my outlook's optimistic. I'm so excited to see things like these. To see such a leap forward is awe-inspiring. I've had my finger on the pulse of these things and always thought of how sad it was that I would never be alive to see something more refined and practical. They've always been bulky, tethered and impractical. This gets my mind racing. I don't think the tachikoma could be far off. :P ;)

DS333, optimistic.

001.270.365

2008-03-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

Another goddess number post. Wish I could find some way to make these posts extra special. :| Oh well...
Listening to a "least played" Smart Playlist in iTunes. In the past I've named it Second Take and Lost Children... this time around it's just Least. Very important to have a list like this when you have a large library. You sometimes forget what's lurking about in your library. It's sad when things get overlooked. For the most part there's a reason these songs aren't getting much play, but every now and then you come across a forgotten gem.
My heart skips a beat whenever I seen I've lost a connection to Blogger... it makes me think my connection to the Net has died. :P
Listening to a tune from Jewel's debut album, Pieces Of You. I think it was really ballsy to include as many live tracks on the album as she did considering it was her first.
I've been having a love affair with a chocolate cake for the past week. Our fling is almost over though. I devour, that's what I do. ;)
Thanks to Super Smash Bros. Brawl on the Wii I've been nursing a sore left thumb for the past few days, but I think I've turned a corner and I'm developing some resistance via a callus. :P It's been a while since I've used an old-school directional pad as much as I have been... I quite like it. I'm feeling nostalgic. :)
I shined my boots the other day and I'm in love all over again. God I love the smell of shoe polish and the sheen of leather. :D
I love wearing clothes like paper. I don't mean anything sheer. I like the feel and appearance of paper. It's the kinda thing you can only get with tech fabrics and certain linens. If it were at all possible I'd design my entire wardrobe out of a heavy duty paper. :P Believe me, I've actually considered it. I'd be a vision of origami. ;)
It's 56 F. degrees out and yet I'm feeling very, very warm. *sigh* Reminds me how much I'm gonna hate this coming Summer. God I hate Summer.
I love a good make-over.
I haven't watched a film in a while. Feels kinda weird. I've been meaning to watch Se7en and Gladiator lately. The latter is a bit strange since I really can't stand what's his face... uhhh... y'see I dislike him so much I've wiped his name from my memory. :P Russell Crowe! That's who I'm thinking of. Yeah, I can't stand him. But I've been hearing a lot about Gladiator over the last few weeks which I thought was odd. I remember not liking it very much, so I thought I'd give it another shot.
Okay, that's enough. Feels about right.
Goodnight divers. Stay cool. ;)

DS333, warm.

Sympathetic Magic

2008-03-17T18:21:00.000-07:00

My plants are pretty much dead. :( Not a good thing. It's especially unfortunate when I consider the purpose of the little darlings. Purpose might be a funny word. It's enough that they just were. But there was a symbolic underpinning I had in place. They were meant to keep me in check. They were supposed to be watered. They were supposed to drink and absorb. They were supposed to breathe the fresh air. They were supposed to see the light of day and bask in the wonder of being. They were meant to grow and flourish. I was to learn from them. Do as they do. It was going good for a while... but I slipped up and I'm disconnected and in the dark again. They show this. They're withering. And they were supposed to be a mirror so it's troubling to see this reflection. I want to turn it around. I have a vision for them, and so, myself. I'm going to resurrect them. And I'm going to create again. I'm not sure what I was motivated by before... whatever it was was lost. But the sight of these withered forms has shocked me into action again. I'm clear again. Focused. I don't know that they can survive... if it's possible, but their deaths will give new life to the whole of this project. They can't live like this. I've managed to survive like this... but I haven't been living.

DS333, conjuring.

Nearing The End

2008-03-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

I just realized a few days ago that I've less than a hundred posts to go before I reach my 365-posts goal. Kinda wild. I never would've guessed there could be so much. And yet there's still so much I want to get out. There are a few posts lingering about this skull of mine that I want to commit to bytes but I just haven't pushed myself to getting around to them. Maybe I wanna take time in preparing them? Although, that doesn't make much sense because I never really prepare. I mostly spew. But anything I hold onto in this way I tend to agonize over. If a thought comes to mind I like to get it out then and there. But sometimes it's not the right time, because of the way I've structured this blog. So I've held off on a few posts because of that. Now that there are only so many posts left to make it definitely feels like crunch time. So this final stretch will be about getting what I want to get out, out. But I won't make mention of which they are. I don't wanna let anyone down. :P As I often say, they're nothing life-changing... just things I want to say.

When I first envisioned what this would be like I imagined what I would say. Certain things just seemed like a must. I think I got most of them out of the way. But not all. Even when I get to 365 there will still be things left unsaid. This whole thing is an experiment. A draft. A sketch I like to say. It won't be finished and it'll lay the foundation for something greater. I've been thinking about what shape this will take. I won't stop outputting in this way. I've grown too accustomed to it. I rather like it actually. So it'll just change. Shape and location. And I don't even know why or what it'll be like yet. I wonder to what end this is all being done. What's the purpose of it? It's a strange animal. I'm still feeling it out. Hopefully the answer will come in the next 97 days. ;)

DS333, divining.

001.267.365

2008-03-16T03:37:00.000-07:00

My wrists are tore the fuck up. :P And that can only mean one thing... Amazon Claus finally delivered Super Smash Bros. Brawl! :D I'm hurtin' right now. I overdid it. :( I actually got an in-game trophy for "10 hours" clocked in. Even though I'm in pain I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. ;) I'm in love with that game. I still need more practice though... I know I'm nowhere near the level of the very best players out there. The game is so expansive. There's much for me to unlock and play around with. I feel an obsession on the horizon. ;)
TWiT 134: Pave The Cow Paths is, by far, one of the best shows in any medium... ever! Such a great discussion. They really touched upon a lot of what really interests me about the Net... The Big Picture. Lotta philosophizing and theorizing going on. I was in heaven.
I was so sure I experienced an earthquake earlier this morning... but the folks didn't feel anything and I don't think my brother or sister did either (although they might be too far up North). I've been too consumed with the Wii to check out any of the local news feeds about it. *shrug* It's been a while since we've had an earthquake. It was a roller. So it was a fun one. But still... you always have that thought during the first few seconds that this might grow into The Big One.
My thumbs are sore! *LOL*
I need to head out. I wanna lay down and rest... so I can play some more! *obsessed grin*
Goodnight gamers. ;)

DS333, played out.